


The Untraveled Road

by RaeScribbles (DigitalRecesses)



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Adventure, Bioelectricity, Biotics, Character Study, Drunk Biotics, Drunkenness, Eventual Post-Meridian, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fast Burn Not Slow, Fluff, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Krogan Talk Therapy, Light Angst, Romance, Romantic Awkward, Romantic Salt, Sarcastic banter, Sexual Tension, Spoilers, Xenophilia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2018-02-27
Packaged: 2018-10-23 23:01:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 70,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10729086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DigitalRecesses/pseuds/RaeScribbles
Summary: Despite the initial stars in her eyes, Ryder can't make heads or tails of Jaal. And all the friendliness, awkwardness, and backwards flirting is getting her nowhere. So as her romantic salt builds, she decides a little escapism is called for.Except it turns her head towards the last person she expected, and maybe the one person she needs.In a single night, and a single choice, Ryder finds herself headed down a path she never intended, on an adventure she never saw coming, and with consequences she never could have imagined.___________________________________* To read the events prior to this story, please refer to my other fic 'Before, Between and After' - this branches off at the start of Chapter 10* Any chapters that are NSFW - read: occasional nudity or smut - will be marked (*) for your convenience.





	1. A Rite of Passage

* * *

 

 

     It was another round of diplomatic missions and medically prescribed shore leave for Ryder when they’d landed on Aya, but in truth, it was the last place she’d wanted to be. Once Lexi found out about her ‘krogan talk therapy’, she put a temporary hold on it and the Pathfinder found herself in sore need of an emotional outlet. The asari had sent her a lengthy list of ‘healthy alternatives’, but nothing appealed, and there were only so many times she could tweak and repair the Nomad before her mind drifted to her persistent source of stress and frustration.

 _Jaal_.

     How one man could leave her feeling so hapless and fumbling was beyond her, and no offers of violence from Drack or words of encouragement from Cora changed it. She’d tried nearly everything she could think of, but she simply couldn’t make sense of him. Why did he say such gut-fluttering things one minute, and then talk about his eyes lingering on Peebee the next? Was this natural to angara, or was he being the hot and cold asshole he was coming off as? No one had pulled her heartstrings as much as him, and she resented him more and more for it with every conversation they had, every conflicting email he sent. So she decided to try something new, something she hadn’t done before, an age-old human tradition when dealing with unwanted emotions.

     She was going to get drunk.

     Between cleaning up after her brother and being a bit of a control-freak, it hadn’t ever appealed before. Until now. There was no hesitance when she decided to sneak off the Tempest for the Tavetaan; if the crew found out what she was doing they’d just join her, and she wasn’t in the mood for their company, particularly the angaran’s. She was trying to forget for a night, not rub more salt in the wound that was her romantic attraction gone awry. So there she was; alone, tucked in a discreet corner away from the stairs, sipping something sweet and refreshing and rather attractively colored.

     “Pathfinder, are you certain this is a wise course of action?” Sam asked hesitantly, though she could’ve sworn she detected an undertone of amusement in his voice.

     “It’s a rite of passage, Sam. Everyone gets drunk at least once in their life, and I’m overdue,” she shrugged nonchalantly, taking another careful sip and tilting her head as she took note of her physical condition. She’d asked the bartender for something strong and angaran, and with an amused smile he’d passed a tall glass with a swirling purple and blue liquid, but she wasn’t feeling anything. It tasted nice though, so she wasn’t going to complain.

     “And is part of that rite to drink alone?” a gruff voice asked, making Ryder turn her head curiously. She made a surprised noise as Evfra approached, drink in hand, and she motioned for him to join her.

     “Not unless you’re a sad and pathetic person. Which… I suppose is the stereotype I’m embracing at the moment,” she chuckled sheepishly, taking another sip and rubbing the back of her neck.

     “Sad and pathetic aren’t words I would use to describe you, Pathfinder, not yet anyway. Arrogant and reckless, yes,” Evfra smirked as he took a seat; the kind of smirk that made her toes curl inside her boots.

     “You still think I’m arrogant, really?” she sighed, looking at his glass curiously. It was a different color than hers; pale blue, almost clear. “Come on, haven’t we done some good things since we crash-landed on Aya?”

     “You’ve done many good things,” he affirmed with a short nod, watching her with mild interest. “And it’s earned the respect of my people. But it doesn’t change the fact that you still charge headlong into conflict with little to no plan.”

     Ryder shrugged as she took another sip, clearing her throat under his steady gaze. “I’m a bit impulsive, that’s true.”

     “A bit?” Evfra arched a brow, eyes locked on her, making her shift in her seat uncertainly.

     “Okay, maybe more than a bit. But my heart’s always in the right place. I hate the idea of letting people linger in shitty situations,” she replied, furrowing her brow as she finally mustered up some courage to meet his gaze. God, he was pretty. Ugh, those angaran eyes.

     “An admirable trait, perhaps. But it needs tempering; your desire to help at any cost leaves you open to traps and manipulation,” he observed sternly, though he offered the barest smile when she made a quiet and indignant noise.

     “Haven't been caught yet,” she replied, her eyes narrowing slightly as she huffed, leaning back against her chair. “Did you really come over here to criticize? Or is it more satisfying in person than in a vidcall?”

     Evfra laughed at her agitation, his voice gravelly and warm as he took a sip. “It's more satisfying in person, but it's not why I came. This is the first time I’ve seen you outside the Resistance HQ, it seemed strange you were alone.”

     “Needed some time away from the crew. Is that why you're here, taking a break?” she shrugged, tilting her head as she observed him curiously. “Never thought you left the HQ.”

     “Not often, but it's been known to happen,” he answered wryly, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth under her open gaze. “So what brings you to the Tavetaan, Pathfinder? Surely there are a hundred other places in the galaxy at your disposal, if you wanted a break from your crew.”

     Ryder scrunched her face at him and sighed, rubbing her cheek as she leaned forward. “Are you saying I should go somewhere else?”

     “No, I asked why you chose here,” he answered, the smile tugging at his mouth further. “Are you always so defensive?”

     “Are you always so… I don't even know what to call it. Gruff? Harsh? Critical?” she huffed, taking another sip and frowning when he chuckled huskily.

     “I am,” he said plainly, arching a brow and giving a satisfied sigh as he leaned back in his chair. “You disapprove?”

     “You wouldn't care if I did,” she smirked, rolling her eyes, before they began to wander over his face idly.

     “True, I wouldn't,” Evfra smiled, appearing indifferent and relaxed under her gaze. “I am who I am, I make no apologies.”

     “And I like that about you, even if you're intimidating as hell,” Ryder smiled, swirling the purple drink in her glass before taking a slow sip.

     “Intimidating? That's a surprise. I thought our Pathfinder was afraid of nothing and no one. At least, that's what the stories say,” Evfra said blithely, though there was a twinkle in his eye that made her stomach flutter.

     “Is that what they say? You listen to such stories?” she asked with feigned surprise, smirking slightly as she shrugged. “I’m sure there's something out there that'll frighten me, just haven't seen it yet.”

     Evfra laughed again, shaking his head as he looked at her with something that could have been respect, or admiration, she couldn't tell. “Such arrogance! You remind me of myself when I was young.”

     “Implying you're not? Are you as grumpy and old as you act?” Ryder teased, smiling widely when the angaran grunted and stood up straight.

     “I'm older than you, that much is clear. I lost my youthful naïveté long ago.” He let out a short sigh and looked down at his drink, running his finger around the rim idly.

     “I'm not naive,” she said as she narrowed her gaze, taking another small mouthful of her drink. “Not anymore.”

     Evfra’s eye twinkled at her words, and gave her a brief nod. “There are few left who have that luxury. Jaal gave a brief summary in his reports about how you came to be Pathfinder. A hard start in a new galaxy, to be sure.”

     “Just a bit,” Ryder quipped sarcastically, bristling at the painful reminder. “Doing alright so far, could be worse.”

     “It could be, the Resistance has certainly benefitted from the aid of you and your… Initiative.”

     The words were slow and reluctant, and they made her smile, swirling her drink idly. “Yeah. Well, if you’d told me two months ago I’d be drinking with the leader of the Resistance, I never would’ve believed it.”

     “No? Is it uncommon for humans to socialize outside a professional setting?” he asked curiously, his forefinger sliding up and down the glass idly.

     “Oh is that what we’re doing? I thought I was here to be the target of derisive mockery,” she answered dryly, rolling her eyes, though the small smile on her lips gave away her amusement.

     “You hold your own, Pathfinder, I respect that. I dare say I'm enjoying it. You're not as soft as you appeared when we first met,” Evfra said quietly, unabashed approval in his voice.

     “You're still as hard-assed as when we first met. Don't you ever let up?” she chuckled, sighing as she brought her fingers to her face, wiggling them slightly. Hm. Tingly.

     “No,” he chuckled raspily, dropping his gaze for a moment before looking at her with a small smile. “Though it doesn’t seem to bother you that much.”

     “You're not the first person to give me a hard time, and you won't be the last. You get used to it after a while,” Ryder shrugged indifferently, dipping her finger into her drink and tasting it idly. “I am who I am, not about to change that for anyone.”

     “Mirroring my words? We may have more in common than I thought,” Evfra smiled approvingly, leaning forward as he took a small gulp of his drink, and motioned to the bartender for another.

     “Maybe, I don't know much about you. You never seemed interested in sharing any time I asked.”

     “Why would I open up without knowing if you were trustworthy?” His laughter made her bristle and she scrunched her nose and shifted in her chair.

     “Oh come on, give a girl a break and just… be nice for once? You're just as bad as Jaal,” she muttered, giving him a sidelong glance as she took a small and silent gulp.

     Evfra frowned slightly at her words and crossed his arms over his chest. “Has he been giving you trouble?”

     “What? No. He's a good fighter and gets along with everyone.” _Especially the women_ , she thought, though she'd never dare say it out loud.

     “... a little too well?” the angaran asked with a shrewd smile, lips spreading when she cleared her throat uncomfortably. “... I see.”

     Ryder made a small face at him and shrugged her shoulders innocently. “Don't know what you're talking about.”

     “Don’t you?” he smiled easily, leaning back in his chair. “I think you do.”

     “Oh shut up,” she huffed, crossing her arms over chest, bristling as a quiet, husky laugh escaped his lips. “What would you know about it anyway? You eat, sleep and breathe the Resistance.”

     “The safety and welfare of the Resistance is dependent on me, you know a little about that,” he replied with pursed lips, though there was an amused glint in his eye. “I've had neither time nor interest in anything more.”

     “You haven't? That's a shock,” she snorted, but her mouth curled at the tips. “Broke many a heart because of it, I'm sure.”

     Evfra furrowed his brow, watching her discerningly as he tilted his head. “Are you being sarcastic or genuine?”

     “Bit of both,” she admitted with a half-grin, shrugging as she tapped her fingers on the glass. “Maybe I'm just an ignorant alien but it's not hard to see how you could pique someone's interest. Hard to imagine who might pique yours though.”

     “Perhaps you should look in the mirror,” Evfra replied casually as he drained his glass slowly, his eyes on her all the while.

     Ryder's eyes widened and she coughed a few times, which only made the angaran smirk. “... what?”

     “It’s a rare to meet a woman who’s accomplished so much in so short a time. Who carries the future of so many lives on her shoulders, makes it look as effortless, and gives hope to those who nearly lost it,” he smiled softly, and Ryder felt her stomach do a strange little flip-flop. “You helped my people without knowing anything about us beyond our struggles against the kett, and you were honest even when it could put you at risk. One can’t help but take notice.”

     “Really? Well… wow. Might be crap at the angaran ‘open with your feelings’ thing, but at least I’ve got telling the truth down. Glad it’s a plus.” She was about to say something else, but couldn’t remember what it was when she found herself staring at his eyes.

     Disgustingly pretty, the angara. She was really beginning to resent them for it, particularly since she’d never really been the type to shine on looks. But add deep, husky, velvety voices, and sexy facial scars and bam, she was caught.

     “Is it such a foreign concept to humans? Expressing your emotions?” Evfra asked with a small smile, finding himself amused at most everything that came out of her mouth.

     “Mm,” she responded distractedly, tilting her head as she continued to stare, eyes wandering dreamily along the scars on his face, the blended blue tones in his skin, the particular way it was patterned. Like seeing the galaxy behind a veil of blue sky. “... fuck.”

     “Ryder?”

     “Mm.”

     He opened his mouth slightly, before breaking out a raspy laugh. “I believe the drink is starting to have an effect on you.”

     “How can you tell?” she murmured, letting out a sigh as she rested her chin on her hand.

     “You’re staring.”

     “Am I?” she asked mildly, taking another sip and beginning to frown.

     “Is there something on my face?” he inquired with gruff amusement, finishing his drink and rubbing his chest idly.

     “It’s nothing _on_ your face, it’s your _whole_ face. Lord, you’re so beautiful it hurts.” Ryder made a noise of frustration and pushed herself back, taking another mouthful of the generously sized drink, and planted it back on the table with an audible clink.

     He rubbed his forehead slowly, looking at her with wry disbelief. “Do all aliens make as little sense as you? How can beauty hurt?”

     “It’s like staring at the sun for too long, it’s blinding. So annoying,” she huffed, rubbing her fingers together, noticing they were beginning to tingle.

     “Should I apologize for being attractive? Perhaps, if it’s causing you physical pain,” he mused for a moment, though the glint in his eye told her he wasn’t serious.

     “It’d be the polite thing to do anyway,” she quipped blithely, scrunching her nose as she gave him a small smile. “I won’t lie, was kinda hard to pay attention to the snappy words you gave me that first day.”

     “Because my beauty blinded you?” Evfra smirked, taking another slow sip and waving dismissively at the bartender when he looked inquiringly at Ryder’s empty glass.

     Ryder groaned and sighed as she pressed her fingers together on the table. “I’m supposed to be an alien representative, making first contact, talking to the big, important leader of the Resistance, and all I think is ‘Oh my god, he’s so hot. What the hell’s he saying? Damn, his voice is sexy. Shit, I think he hates me.’”

     Evfra let out a gravelly laugh of surprise, and his eyes twinkled with something she couldn't quite discern. “I thought you said you weren’t good at being open with your feelings.”

     “I’m not. Terrible at it, in fact. Like… really, seriously, horrifically terrible.”

     “You seem to be doing just fine at the moment,” Evfra pointed out with a half smile, scratching his cheek lightly. “I’ll admit I’m pleasantly surprised.”

     “Don’t count on it lasting. It’s the alcohol talking.”

     “There wasn’t any alcohol in that drink.”

     “What? You mean I said all that stuff on my own?” Ryder’s eyes widened, unsure if she was mortified or impressed with herself.

     “Oh no, you’re definitely becoming intoxicated. But on a different substance.”

     “Still counts then,” she reasoned quietly, rubbing her fingers on the table when she cocked her head curiously at the Resistance leader. “Hey, you’re still here.”

     Evfra couldn’t help but smile, clearing his throat and nodding slowly. “It seems I am.”

     “... huh. Why?”

     “Because I’m enjoying your company,” he replied simply, his finger running along the rim of his nearly empty glass. “And it's been a long time since that’s happened.”

     “Shit, more compliments? I hardly know what to do with myself,” she grinned, looking at her hands uncertainly as she felt tingling begin to run up and down her arms. “... what exactly did I drink? It’s not… shit. Angara are bio-electric, right? This doesn’t mess with that, does it?”

     “It’s considered a pleasant side effect of drinking. Electricity flowing freely in our body, rather than being consciously controlled when we’re sober,” Evfra shrugged, brow furrowed in confusion at her discomfort. “You appear concerned, are you alright?”

     “Uh… maybe? We’ll see,” she answered slowly with uncertainty, stretching her arms out a bit. “I can create static electricity as a biotic, been a problem lately. Not sure if it matters, but I’m feeling pretty tingly at the moment.”

     “It’s not meant to increase bio-electricity, so it’s unlikely it would have an adverse effect on you. However I know nothing about human physiology,” he admitted apologetically, motioning for another drink for himself. “Jaal sent reports on biotics, yourself in particular, but I’ve never seen it in action. Maybe you’d consider a demonstration sometime?”

     “Could do one now. Do you have a dummy? Or a rabid, ravenous animal? Any kett you want dead?” she offered helpfully, scrunching her nose sheepishly when Evfra laughed.

     “In the training grounds there are dummies. But couldn’t you demonstrate your abilities in a sparring match?”

     “You want to spar with me?” Ryder’s head jerked as she stared at him in surprise.

     “Why so surprised? How can I earn the respect of those under me if I don’t train just as rigorously as they do?” Evfra shrugged nonchalantly, then leaned forward with a small smile. “And I’d like to see what you're made of with my own eyes.”

     “Well… I’m up for it if you are. If you had full armor on. And I took it easy on you,” she murmured thoughtfully, rubbing her chin as she stared off in the distance.

     “Took it easy on me?” he scoffed in disbelief, sitting up straighter in his chair. “I should hope not.”

     “Evfra, I like you, but it’s not a fair fight,” she exclaimed defensively, flexing and curling her toes. Yup, lots of tingling going on.

     He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes in amusement. “You’re so certain? Does your arrogance know no end?”

     “I’m being responsible, safety first,” she quipped defensively, shrugging under his shrewd gaze. “You’ve never seen biotics in action, doesn’t that put you at a disadvantage? But whatever, it’ll be your bruises, not mine.”

     Evfra chuckled and shook his head, nodding in thanks to the bartender as he handed him another drink. “Pathfinder, you’re drunk, or well on your way. That puts you at an equal disadvantage. We should put off a sparring match until you’re in better condition to fight.”

     “You kidding? I’m in _great_ condition, I can fight anytime,” Ryder waved dismissively, wriggling her fingers with interest. “Really tingly, that drink was good. Think I’ll have another.”

     “If he gave you what I think he did, you’ve had more than enough already,” he grinned, taking a leisurely sip and tapping his fingers on the table.

     “What? I only had one! I mean sure it was a tall glass, but getting drunk off one drink is just sad.” Ryder couldn’t help but grin with him, there was just something about him that relaxed her, put her at ease. Maybe it was because she'd given up on trying to impress him a long time ago, but it was _such_ a nice change.

     “It’s slow-acting, and you seem to be more sensitive to it than angara. My guess is you’ve yet to feel the full effects,” he reasoned, exhaling softly as he leaned forward and resting his elbows on the table. “I should escort you back to the Tempest...”

     “... but you really wanna see biotics, don’t you?” she quipped mischievously, a strange flutter in her stomach of excitement when he nodded reluctantly. “Sam, I’m good to fight, aren’t I?”

     “The drink seems to be having a curious effect on your nervous system, Pathfinder,” the AI offered hesitantly after a moment. “But you should be capable of a brief demonstration of your biotics, though I wouldn’t recommend--”

     “Just a quick, friendly match, it’ll be fine. Come on, it’s part of the first-time human drunk experience; doing something impulsive and reckless,” she argued indifferently, leaning back in her chair with a smirk. “Besides, I have something to prove to our illustrious Resistance leader now.”

     Sam fell silent again for a few moments before replying via her omni-tool. “You are correct. What I have been able to glean from human vids confirms your assessment: a sense of abandon is a recurring theme.”

     “A sense of abandon?” the angaran repeated curiously, noting the way Ryder’s cheeks had grown to a rosy pink, with no signs of abating.

     “Common outcomes of inebriation include reckless driving, fighting, spontaneous travels with friends or strangers, impulsive emotional or romantic confessions and promiscuity. To name a few,” Sam replied calmly.

     Evfra arched an eyebrow slowly, the left edge of his mouth lifting ever so slightly. “... I see. This will be interesting to witness first-hand, I think.”

     “Hey now, I’m not the wild and crazy one, that’s my brother. And besides, I’m the Pathfinder. Not like I can steal the Tempest and run away somewhere,” she chuckled, her eyes honing in on the smirk that was threatening to spread on the angaran’s lips, her toes curling tightly at the sight. “Besides, I think I’ve said enough embarrassing things to last a lifetime, don’t you?”

     “Admitting you find someone attractive is embarrassing? Why?” he asked with a confused frown, taking a sip as his eyes roamed her slowly, sending another shiver up her spine.

     “I don’t even know where to begin. It just is. You’re… who you are and I’m… who I am. And you’re just… fuck.” Ryder let out a long and drawn out sigh, slumping in her chair a bit. “Even I know when I’m in over my head. I mean, I’m not being down on myself, but you are so out of my league it’s not even funny.”

     Evfra opened his mouth to say something, then let out an annoyed sigh. “What? Is this one of those idioms Jaal warned me about?”

     “Huh? Oh, I guess. Out of my league means you’re… too hot for me. As in I’d never have a chance,” she replied awkwardly, blushing even more at having to spell it out. Yeah, that drink was definitely doing something. “I mean your people are pretty much living, breathing works of art, but _goddamn_. You’re… okay, I really need to stop talking, I am not making this better for myself.”

     The angaran’s eyes widened slightly, but rather than be embarrassed or put off by her words, he simply laughed, loudly and warmly. “I like this side of you, Ryder. But you seem to be ignoring that I’ve confirmed the attraction is mutual. Are you being coy, or am I being unclear?”

_No. No way._

     “... uuhhh,” she said slowly in disbelief, looking at him shrewdly, feeling her throat go dry when he stared back unflinchingly. “Yeah, okay… I wanna get out of here, you’re making me nervous. Can we go spar or something? I’m gonna start sparking soon if we don’t give me something else to focus on besides your… all of that.”

     Ryder waved vaguely at Evfra and he chuckled and shook his head. “You just gestured to all of me.”

     “Yeah, cause all of you is distracting. Can we go? You’re smiling and staring and what you just said... I can’t tell if it’s me or the drink but my stomach is fluttering so hard I might puke if I don’t start moving,” she said shakily, coughing and standing up, leaning from side to side as she tried to get her bearings.

     He stood up and followed her, hovering a hand behind her back as she made for the stairs. “Ryder, I really think we should postpone this. You seem to have difficulty standing straight.”

     “Nah, I’m fine. Always good for a fight,” she said with a huff, squinting for a moment when she realized that the world was getting just a little blurry around the edges. “Right, Sam? I’m good.”

     “That depends on your definition of good, given your inability to find your center of gravity, and slightly impaired vision. Perhaps it would be best--”

     “--if you shushed and let me give a demonstration. Evfra’s never seen biotics in person, and as the Resistance leader he should be familiar, don’t you think?” Ryder frowned, stopping at the top of the stairs and grabbing the side of Evfra’s waist to steady herself. “Oookay, the world is spinning a bit. This is fine. This is totally fine, I can spar.”

     Evfra held her arm automatically, giving her a doubtful smile as she slowly straightened herself, putting on her best serious and sober face. “I’m not as confident about that, Pathfinder.”

     “Pffft. If I can take an ancient, grumpy krogan on the regular, I can kick your butt,” Ryder waved dismissively, swaying a little before turning on her heel and heading down the pathway towards the HQ. “Come on. You wanna know what I’m made of? I’ll show you…”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (4/25) A/N: Hope you liked the plot bunny that's been gnawing in the back of my head while working on my Jaal/Ryder series! Hadn't really considered this pairing until recently, but Evfra's working pretty hard to win the title of my favorite angaran. 
> 
> This was meant to be a short standalone, but it's been so much fun to write, I might actually expand the story beyond this 'first' encounter.
> 
> Please note I'm working with my custom Ryder, not the default. I might attach a snapshot later if anyone's interested.


	2. Ninety-two Percent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryder insisted she's in good enough condition to spar with Evfra, despite her inability to stand straight, but she never saw what was coming next...

  

* * *

 

 

     It was a slow and veering walk towards the Resistance HQ, but Ryder was determined to appear as calm and collected as possible, especially since she wanted nothing more than to run screaming back to the Tempest. They walked in silence, and she couldn’t help but look over at Evfra every once in awhile in disbelief, only to be instantly met with a steady and unflinching gaze. She’d flush and clear her throat, he’d quietly chuckle in amusement, and she’d keep an eye out for the nearest trash receptacle to puke in, just in case.

     Half of her tried to push Evfra’s words out of her mind, while the other began to obsessively chew on them. They were plain, shockingly direct and left very little room for interpretation; the complete opposite of what she’d been used to with Jaal. Had he really said what he said? Did he really mean it or was he about to start chatting up the nearest woman they passed? Did it actually happen, or was she still at the Tavetaan, alone and hallucinating like an alien idiot? It was the most believable explanation so far.

     “This is the longest you’ve gone without talking all evening, are you sure you’re alright?” Evfra asked as they started up the stairs to the HQ, discreetly glancing her way.

     “Not exactly, but we might as well keep going.” Ryder let out a long and shaky sigh, frowning at him with continued disbelief as they headed down the winding stairs to the training grounds. “... you really meant what you said? About being interested, attracted? Or was I hearing things?”

     “What’s so surprising; that someone reciprocates your feelings, or that I do?” he chuckled, rubbing his chest uncertainly, keeping his other hand floating near her.

     “Take your pick,” she laughed sheepishly, pausing for a moment and closing her eyes as the world started to shift and blur. “I mean, not that people haven’t-- it’s just been a long time. And your lack of confusing alien crypticness is… confusing. Whoo, too much movement. Okay, just gimme a sec.”

     Evfra rolled his eyes and held her elbow lightly, waiting until she opened them again, and continued guiding her down the stairs. “I can wait for a demonstration, Pathfinder. At this point it’s likely you’ll injure yourself more than anything.”

     “You have so little faith in me, I’m a professional. I know what I’m doing,” she scoffed, even as she reached out to grab his arm tightly, slowing down even more. “I mean, it’s just biotics. Not like you’re asking me to build a functioning rover out of scraps by sunrise. Now _that_ was hard.”

     “How did that come about?” he inquired with surprise, keeping a light hold on her arm as they finally reached the training grounds. “Jaal never mentioned you were a mechanic.”

     “It’s not an official specialization, more a lifelong hobby really,” Ryder remarked nonchalantly, reluctantly letting go of him once her vision started to clear. “Did it on a dare one night while I was on a Prothean dig a few years before we left. Anyway, just scraped by but I got it done. Didn’t really get anything for it besides applause, but it was fun to see if I could do it.”

     “A Prothean dig, are you referring to archaeology? Is it your passion then? No wonder you were so quick to unlock Remnant technology the way you did,” he said with open admiration, crossing his arms over his chest as she sat down at a bench.

     “Hm? Yeah. The Protheans were a mysterious, ancient alien race back in my galaxy, lived about 50,000 years before us. Almost no traces of them, like they were erased from history. One of the best times of my life, being at those digs, getting a front row seat for their discoveries.” Ryder let out a wistful sigh, rubbing her cheek and smiling at the recollection, brow furrowing when it was followed by a hollow pang in her chest.

     Evfra watched her closely, taking in every nuance in her expression, the tone of her voice, the smallest shift in her body language. “You miss your home,” he said quietly after a while.

     “I miss simpler times,” she admitted with a half-smile, standing up and awkwardly beginning to peel off her leather jacket. “I knew what I was giving up when I joined the Initiative. Just didn’t realize how much more I’d lose, or how fast.”

     “And yet if you hadn’t taken that leap, you wouldn’t be here. Remnant tech would stay unsolved, the horror of Exaltation would stay undiscovered, and all the angara you helped since you arrived, dead,” he commented, automatically helping her arms out of her jacket, and laid it on the bench neatly.

     Ryder sighed and nodded, unwinding the scarf around her neck, and tossed it on top of the jacket carelessly, then stretched her arms high above her head. “I know, in the big picture it was worth it. And there’s no point at looking back. Shit happens no matter where you go, and there’s always countless more who have it worse than you do.”

     “A wise outlook,” he nodded with approval, furrowing his brow and watching her slowly become entangled as she tried to take off her t-shirt. “Ryder… do you need assistance?”

     She grunted and shook her head, pushing her arm through and then untucking it properly. “Nope, I’ve got it,” she huffed, popping her head out and shaking her other arm sloppily, letting the shirt drop to the floor. “See? Totally professional.”

     “A child has more coordination than you do right now,” he smirked, shaking his head and watching her stretch with amusement, openly roaming her newly-revealed form curiously. “A shirt under your shirt. How many layers do humans wear?”

     “I dunno, depends on the weather. I’m not wearing _that_ many,” she frowned, adjusting her tank top. “Sports bra, this, the t-shirt, jacket, scarf… okay, yeah that seems like a lot.”

     Evfra nodded wryly and took a few steps back, tilting his head as she continued to stretch, eyes catching on the occasional glimpse of bare stomach that peeked out teasingly. “Are you ready then? I think it should be me who takes it easy on you, given your lack of armor.”

     Ryder rolled her eyes and shook her arms out as she made her way into the sparring ring. “Just uh… don’t go for the face. If I bruise anywhere else it’s easy enough to hide. Lexi’ll kill me if she finds out. I’m supposed to be ‘relaxing and unwinding and avoiding as much physical strain as possible’.”

     “Lexi?” he asked with a slight frown, throwing a couple light jabs her way to test her dexterity.

     “Ship’s doctor. She’s pissed at me at the moment, put me on another medically prescribed shore leave, or at least that’s what she calls it. Says it’s the only way she can get me to slow down,” she groaned, side-stepping his punches quickly only to grab the side of her head. “Okay, hold on a sec, world’s spinning again.”

     Evfra sighed and placed his hands on his hips, tapping his foot as he watched Ryder struggle to steady herself. “I told you you were in no condition to fight.”

     “Oh don’t you start nagging too,” she grumbled, cracking her neck on either side and bouncing in place a few times. “It’s bad enough I’ve got Sam and Lexi on my case, definitely don’t need a third. I’m fine, just need to get my bearings.”

     “Leader Tershaav is correct, Pathfinder. In your condi--”

     But before Sam could finish his sentence, a loud boom sounded, a flash of blue streaked forward and the angaran was forced back until he hit the wall with a grunt. Stunned, he blinked a few times before looking down and seeing Ryder in front of him; pinning him with a slender forearm, and a shit-eating grin on her face. “Oh hey there handsome, been wanting to do that,” she winked, before charging back to the center of the ring with a satisfied sigh. “Sorry Sam, what was that? Can’t spar? Told you, the rover was harder.”

     “... I stand corrected,” Sam answered after a moment.

     Evfra stretched his shoulders, mouth gaped as he slowly followed her, a strange glint in his eyes. “That was…”

     “... what?” Ryder asked with an innocent smile, placing her hands behind her back carefully, eyeing him a bit more lustily than she’d meant to. “That was just as satisfying as I’d hoped.”

     “You wanted to pin me against a wall?” he asked with the barest hint of a smirk, flexing his fingers as he moved in to strike.

     “Oh you have _no_ idea,” she sighed to herself, charging to the side and avoiding him entirely, though she quickly bent over and clutched her knees with a groan. “Goddammit, too fast, too fast. Okay, no more charging.”

     Evfra chuckled as he paused again, tilting his head as he watched her slowly straighten herself and shake her arms out. “Probably for the best, and it’ll make it easier to reach you.”

     Ryder raised a brow, licking her lower lip as the left corner of her mouth curled. “You think so, huh? Well go on then, oh Wise and Hardened Leader of the Resistance, catch me if you can. Look, I’ll even stay in one spot for you.”

     “That mouth of yours will be your undoing, Pathfinder,” he warned with a shake of his head, though his voice was laced with mirth.

     “You’re probably right, but not today,” she quipped, carelessly dropping to the ground and crossing her legs, and rested her face on her hand. “Better, maybe now gravity will stop trying to pick a fight with me.”

     “That’s it, you’re done fighting already?” Evfra smiled, arching a brow as he stopped pacing to consider her lazy posture.

     Ryder snorted and shook her head, pushing a hand towards him as a sheen of blue washed over her. “Pffft, you’re still fighting. I’m taking a biotic breather.”

     He opened his mouth to launch a witty retort when he felt himself being lifted, floating higher and higher above the ground. After a few moments of wonder, he narrowed his eyes at her, a smile threatening to spread past the corner of his mouth. “This is _not_ fighting, Pathfinder.”

     “No, this is a strategic science experiment with a healthy side of karma. First, you can’t hit what you can’t get near. Second, we’re about to find out if angara land on their feet. Third, this is for being such a dick when we first met,” she grinned, falling onto her back as she watched him hover in the air.

     A few more seconds passed and the blue bubble around him disappeared, and with a short gasp he fell with a thud, a half-amused glare still planted on his face. “I was being wisely distrustful and shrewd.”

     “You were being a growling, grumpy asshole. Still the prettiest angara I’ve seen to date, hands down, but I think that made it sting so much more,” she sighed, lifting her hand again towards him as another blue bubble encased him, freezing him on the spot. She slowly got to her feet and stretched her waist from side to side before looking at him with a smug smile. “Still haven’t caught me. Come on Evfra, it’s like you’re not even trying.”

     He licked his lower lip slowly, and watched her with an almost predatory gaze while he waited for the stasis field to vanish. “... not sure you want me to, Ryder.”

     The sudden drop in tone, coupled with the gravel in his voice sent a visible shiver up her spine and she stared back at him, dumbfounded. “Uh… shit.”

     “Pathfinder?” Sam calmly interrupted as the angaran stalked forward, and Ryder froze like a deer in headlights.

     “Huh?”

     “Sixty percent.”

     Ryder blushed furiously at the AIs observation and swallowed hard, feeling her throat start to close up. “... seriously?”

     “Yes, though that number seems to be steadily increasing.”

     “Fuck.”

     “I would have thought you’d be pleased,” Sam commented, pausing to continue as she began to dodge and block Evfra’s jabs. “This is going much better than with--”

     “Shut up Sam!” Ryder grunted, ducking another blow and hissing when Evfra’s fist finally connected roughly with her side. “Not the time.”

     “Very well, my apologies.” She didn’t believe the AI was the least bit remorseful, in fact she was almost certain he’d spoken through her omni-tool specifically so Evfra could hear.

     And as suspected, the angaran seemed to be paying close attention to every exchange, smirking and parrying when Ryder tried to swipe her feet under his legs. “What’s he talking about? Sixty percent of what?”

     “Nothing! Nothing, ignore him. He’s just… buggy,” she hissed, charging behind her and cursing when her back slammed against a dummy. “Ah fuck, gonna feel that one in the morning.”

     “Excuse me Pathfinder, I am not ‘buggy’. I was merely referring to--”

     “Shut up, Sam!” Ryder’s voice was almost panicked, and the angaran couldn’t help but notice her cheeks had turned a much brighter shade of pink than before.

     Evfra paused for a moment as he approached her again, a curious smile on his face as he stretched his arms briefly. “No no, don’t interrupt him. I’d like to know what he’s talking about. What was that Sam? What are you calculating?”

     “Don’t you dare, or I’m going straight to SAM Node to shoot you in the face,” she warned with a clenched jaw, sucking in a breath when she realized he was closing in on her. Her eyes darted for an open space to escape to, but just as she started to sidestep, Evfra’s fingers closed around her wrist. He tugged her back and spun her so that her arm was locked behind her, his chest pressed against her back.

     “Pathfinder, whilst acknowledging your sarcasm, I would like to take the time to remind you that you are neurologically tied to me. In other words; to hurt me would be to hurt yourself,” Sam answered blithely, and Ryder took the opportunity to use her free hand to give him the finger.

     “I love and hate you in equal amounts,” she grumbled, stiffening when she felt Evfra leaning in, his breath warm against her neck.

     “I’m beginning to like this AI of yours, he has more personality than I would’ve originally thought,” he commented, a smile spreading on his lips at how she reacted to his presence.

     “Thank you, Leader Tershaav, that’s very kind of you. My evolution in sentience is heavily influenced by the company I keep, and Ryder is my sole permanent companion.”

     Evfra tipped his head so he could try to catch her eyes, his thumb slowly sliding back and forth along her wrist. “Ryder?”

     With all her attention suddenly focused on his thumb, she blinked dumbly a few times, as the sensations began to drown everything else out. “Hm?”

     He dropped his gaze and gave a quiet, throaty chuckle, continuing to stroke the inside of her arm before leaning in again. “One might think you wanted to be caught, given your lack of struggle,” he murmured in her ear, and Ryder felt her stomach perform an expert routine of flips and somersaults, forcing a gasp from her lips as the world continued to blur around the edges.

     Ryder tugged on her bound wrist absent-mindedly, checking how tight his grip was. Dammit, iron-clad. “No… I definitely want to win,” she said slowly, clearing her throat as his thumb paused its mesmerizing rhythm. “You’re just playing dirty.”

     “Oh? Am I distracting you?” He feigned surprise, but if she’d turned around, she would’ve seen a smug smile curling his lips. “Earlier I’d said you aren’t as soft as I’d thought you were when we first met…”

     “I remember,” she nodded slowly, her mind hazy as she was torn between the rough velvet in his voice, and the smooth, leathery texture of his thumb.

     “... you’re even softer,” he replied quietly, dropping his head and smiling when the faintest whimper escaped her lips.

     “Evil. Hot and evil,” she sighed, shaking her free hand out, feeling an increase in static electricity coursing through her body.

     Evfra ignored her grumblings, and relaxed his fingers just enough to slide a bit further down her arm. “Sam, still sixty percent?”

     “Seventy percent, currently,” the AI replied quickly, his voice so serene that Ryder wished he had a throat to punch.

     “Oh no you don’t Sam,” she warned, shaking her head and struggling to ignore the angaran’s touch as she pulled her free hand to her chest, slowly forming a fist. “You two are _not_ going over my head and--”

     “Really? So it increased, is that good or bad?” Evfra interrupted her, his smile firmly fixed as he spoke up. “And what’s it referring to?”

     “Ryder’s chance of success to--”

     But as Sam was finishing his sentence, a loud thrumming noise drowned him out, and the Pathfinder’s fist began to glow a bright blue. She hopped up and with a thundering boom smacked her fist on the ground, a blinding mass effect field throwing Evfra several feet away. “Jesus, Sam! You trying to kill me?” she shouted, running her fingers through her hair with a frustrated laugh. “You are _not_ helping right now.”

     “I’m afraid I will have to disagree, Pathfinder. Since mentioning the--”

     “You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe it does, but come on, am I really so pathetic that--”

     “Pathfinder.”

     “--you have to push this hard? Come on, matchmaker, give a girl a chance to figure things out herself,” Ryder sighed, gripping her hair tightly before letting it go, ignoring Sam’s attempt to speak.

     “Pathfinder.”

     “I mean… I didn’t think I was doing so badly before. I mean… if you believe what he said it seemed like I was doing pretty well. Maybe too well,” she frowned suspiciously, turning over the evening’s events up to that point in her mind. “We sure I’m not delirious right now?”

     “ _Pathfinder_.”

     Her musings were cut short when Sam increased his volume on the omni-tool and she grunted, resting a hand on her hip. “What?”

     “Evfra has not moved since you released your nova a few moments ago,” he said urgently, making her whip her head around.

     It hadn’t even occurred to her that the angaran had fallen silent, nor lunged for her while she was unaware. Her hands shot up to cover her mouth and her eyes widened into two large, icy grey pools as she stared at his immobile body. “Oh my god. I just killed the leader of the Resistance. _Shit_.”

     “It’s unlikely you struck a lethal blow, though I strongly recommend you check his vital signs. It’s possible he may have broken bones and will need immediate medical assistance,” Sam suggested helpfully, and with a curt nod she rushed over to Evfra’s side.

     Ryder dropped to her knees and laid a hand on his chest as she looked him over, a sense of panic increasing so much she was sure she’d start hyperventilating. “Evfra, you okay? Please don’t tell me I broke you. I _told_ you about biotics… goddammit.”

     He didn’t respond but on closer inspection she saw he was breathing easily, and she exhaled a long sigh of relief. “Okay, he’s breathing, that’s a start. I don’t know if anything’s broken though, I don’t think so.”

     “I believe it would be wise to head over to the HQ’s medbay and seek further advice. An angaran doctor will be able to assist him more thoroughly.”

     “Fuck. _Fuck_. You’re right, of course you’re right. I’ll run over--” Ryder yelped when she felt a hand on her knee, and her attention shot down to Evfra, who slowly opened his eyes with a soft grunt. “Hey, are you okay? Anything broken? Should I get a doctor?”

     A long, quiet sigh escaped his lips as his eyes locked on her, a strange twinkle in them that made her suck in a sharp breath. “Who knew someone so small could wield power like a force of nature,” he chuckled huskily, groaning as he patted her knee idly. “I’m fine, nothing wrong.”

     “I’m glad to hear it,” she muttered, slumping forward and crossing her arms over his stomach. “Oh my god, really had me worried there for a second. Thought I’d killed you.”

     Evfra smiled and closed his eyes for a moment, discreetly gaining his bearings, his hand drifting from her knee over to her arm, stroking it gently. “It’d take much more than that to kill me.” With a low-rumbling groan he sat up, shifting Ryder off him, and leaned back on his arms, a small smile on his face as he watched her cross her legs beside him. “You were a sight to behold when intoxication didn't leave you stumbling, Jaal wasn’t wrong about you. You whipped across the ring like blue lightning.”

     “Stumbling? Don’t know what you’re talking about. I ran into that dummy on purpose. All part of my plan,” she quipped, rolling her eyes and laughing as she rubbed her cheek, acutely aware of how his eyes watched her every move.

     “You didn’t check your rear; sloppy work, though you are drunk,” he smirked, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes when her cheeks started flush. He opened his mouth to continue, then thought better of it and exhaled quietly, reaching to trail a finger through her hair.

     She sucked in a sharp breath and held still for a moment, looking at him shrewdly, though she gave him no sign to stop. “Thinking I might’ve killed you sobered me up quite a bit,” she said ruefully, brow furrowing as he rubbed a lock of hair between his fingers.

     “What I wouldn’t give to see you out in the field,” he murmured, the left corner of his mouth raising as he unabashedly wove his fingers through her hair, scratching the side of her head lightly. “I imagine your enemies tremble when they see you rush like a comet towards them.”

     Ryder’s stomach twisted into a hundred knots that then attempted to flutter away, and sighed shakily as she instinctively leaned into his touch, scrunching her nose as she gave him a half-grin. “Yeah… that’s my favorite part, really. The terror. And who knows, maybe you will someday.”

     Evfra shook his head and sighed, releasing his hand from her hair and dropping it to her upper arm, rubbing the back of his knuckles against her skin. “Unlikely, given the state of the Resistance, and my lack of an effective second-in-command. I expect I’ll be stuck here for the foreseeable future.”

     “Sunny and cheery as always,” she groaned, leaning against his knee as soon as he raised it. “You know, a little optimism might do you good. There are far worse things than being trapped in angaran paradise. I dunno, maybe you could actually go out and enjoy it every once in awhile.”

     “I might, if I enjoyed anyone’s company half as much as I’ve been enjoying yours. Which I don’t. And if I was sunny and cheery I wouldn’t be me, and as far as I can tell, you like me as I am,” he replied wryly, smiling as she rested on him, and slowly bent forward. Ryder cleared her throat and avoided his gaze, alternately relaxing and freaking out at how the space between them was shrinking.

     “Yeah, that’s me: forever attracted to my opposite. Or the unconventional, or strange, or different. It’s shiny to me.”

     “Does that mean I’m shiny?” Evfra raised a brow and chuckled huskily, though he didn’t seem bothered by the idea, fingers still wandering along her arm.

     She scrunched her nose and shook her head, refusing to answer, and stiffened when his face came closer to hers.

     “Sam?” he asked suddenly, in a not-so-innocent tone, averting Ryder’s suspicious gaze.

     “Yes, Leader Tershaav?” the AI politely responded.

     “Evfra.”

     “Evfra. How may I assist you?”

     The angaran’s eyes narrowed slightly, and he struggled to stop himself from smiling. “... what percent now?”

     Sam paused for a few moments before finally replying, “I estimate eighty-five percent.”

     Ryder muttered and rolled her eyes, slumping and resting her head on his knee, rubbing her cheek to hide the flush on it.

     “She’s doing very well, it seems,” Evfra remarked casually, though his eyes twinkled with mischief, and gave her arm a gentle squeeze.

     “I would agree with that observation,” Sam answered quietly, and Ryder could almost feel the ‘I told you so’ look on his non-existent face.

     Evfra tipped his head and watched her discerningly for awhile in silence, the smallest of smiles on his lips before he cupped her cheek lightly. He leaned in, close enough so that she could feel his breath on her face, and she felt her throat go dry. “I would say she’s closer to ninety,” he murmured, grinning when her eyes widened and she punched his chest roughly.

     “Noted, correcting my logs,” Sam replied simply. “Adjusting the Pathfinder’s chances of success to ninety.”

     “You’re an ass!” she snorted at both of them equally, laughing in embarrassment and trying to turn her head away, though he just nudged it back towards him.

     “Ninety-two,” he quipped, laughing loudly and warmly when she punched him again, barely moving under the force of her hits.

     “God, give me a hole to crawl into, please,” she muttered, unable to meet his steady and amused gaze. “Stupid Sam, wish he’d just kept his mouth shut.”

     Evfra smiled at her fondly and let out a long and relaxed sigh, his thumb brushing down her cheek and along her jaw. “Ryder…”

     “Hm?” she asked, slowly and reluctantly meeting his eyes, suddenly feeling uncertain when she realized how close they were, how much he’d been touching her, and how good it felt.

     And just how little she’d been thinking about anyone but him since the evening started.

     He arched a brow, and she couldn’t help but smile when she saw the adventurous glint in his eye. “... what’s next with this human rite of passage?”

     “I don’t know, what’s my not-so-helpful companion have to say about it? What’re our options, Sam?” she asked, shaking her head at Evfra with a wry smile, and pushed him away with a huff.

     “Actually, I have an idea,” Evfra said slowly, breaching the distance between them indifferently, and rested a hand on her knee, tapping his fingers distractedly.

     “You do?” Ryder jerked her head in surprise, watching him cautiously when he tilted his head with a smile. “What is it?”

     “... do you know how to swim?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (4/26 ) A/N: HUGE thank you to everyone who commented, subbed and kudos'd the story. Really didn't expect such a positive response, and I'm stupidly glad you've been enjoying it so far <3
> 
> Hope this scene entertained you as well, and just a quick heads up: it may be a few days before the next chapter comes out (debating if it'll be 1 or 2 scenes to complete this 'intro', not sure yet).


	3. Skinny-Dipping *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW (Nudity)
> 
> Evfra makes a suggestion for the next step in Ryder’s ‘human rite of passage’ aka ‘get drunk and embarrass yourself in front of a man that makes your toes curl’. Who could resist a friendly, midnight swim?

* * *

 

 

     The sun had long since set when Ryder found herself walking down the quiet, lit pathways weaving around Aya, clothes hanging over her arms. There was a crisp breeze in the air, and she took in a deep breath, taking in the lush scenery woven in and around the houses and apartments that dotted the entire mountain range. Her limbs still felt tingly, but her vision was clearing, and her mind had sharpened enough that the evening’s adventures had begun to sink in.

     … what the hell happened?

     She’d ended up on Aya because it was a favorite spot for the crew, and Lexi had put her on forced medical leave. Because she’d pushed herself way too hard in her most recent session of krogan talk therapy; involving her, Drack, Cora and one big-ass Architect on Eos. Because being trapped in the Nomad with Jaal and Peebee blatantly flirting in front of her was the last straw. Because only a few nights before, Jaal had sent her the most breath-stealing email, talking about…

     … it didn’t matter what it was about. Didn’t matter what he said about seeing her smile, or fondness, or ‘dearest’, or adoring any part of her. It didn’t matter. Because he may as well have had Peebee in his lap, they were at each other so hard. _In front of her_. So everything he said… wasn’t it all just a crock of shit? Didn’t it suddenly make the rare, soul-sucking things he’d said to her completely meaningless?

     She’d been crushed, confused, and enraged. Mostly at herself. And she took it out on that Architect like her sanity depended on it. Sure it wrecked her physically, to Lexi’s despair, but at least Drack had been proud. He said it’d been their most productive session yet, and she’d agreed with him. She loved that grumpy old krogan in a way no one would ever understand.

     Ryder let out a long, quiet sigh and rubbed her cheek, brow furrowed as she tried to shake it off and let it go. It was what it was, not like she was in a position to say something. She’d been following silently for quite some time, turning here and there with no attention to where they were going, or even where they were, when suddenly--

     “... Ryder.”

     One word. Soft, raspy, insistent. So small, so unobtrusive, and yet it broke her blurry ruminating, and she found herself at the entrance of what looked to be a grotto. Or was it a pool? It was surrounded by trees and thick foliage and flowers, but there was sand leading to the water, not cement or stone. She couldn’t tell how large it was, but it didn’t look like a high traffic spot. It seemed… calm, almost tranquil. It was stunning.

     “Ryder,” Evfra repeated gently, far more gently than she’d have thought him capable, as he ran a knuckle along the underside of her arm.

     She sucked in a sharp breath at the touch and looked up at him with a furrowed brow, staring into big blue eyes that glimmered under the lights. “Hm?”

     “You’re thinking about him,” he observed with a wry smile, and she felt her heart clench tightly at the insightful remark.

     Ryder swallowed hard, her throat going dry and she turned her face away, rubbing her jaw in embarrassment. How did he know? How was she supposed to respond? And did any of it matter when she was standing in front of some angaran micro-paradise pool thing? With a man who managed to command her complete focus and attention with a single word, a single touch. Did people like that even really exist? What kind of insane, surreal dream was she in right now?

     She inhaled slowly and deeply, meeting his eyes with a furrowed brow and a sheepish smile. He just gave a throaty chuckle and squeezed her upper arms gently, pulling her in closer. “... better.”

     “Huh?” she asked with confusion, quickly distracted by the way his hands wrapped around each arm, the way his thumbs brushed her skin idly.

     “Now you’re thinking of _me_ ,” he smirked, suddenly letting go of her and heading towards the water. “Come on.”

     Ryder’s mouth gaped as she stared at him, dumbfounded. How did he-- how could he--? She shook her head in mute disbelief as she entered the grotto, too stunned by his arrogance (or astuteness) to be either embarrassed or annoyed.

     “There are a few of these around the area,” he commented mildly, arms crossed over his chest as he looked at their surroundings with an approving nod. “Few come because it's the furthest away, but it's my favorite.”

     “I can see why,” she agreed, dropping her clothes on the sand as she stood beside him. It was actually larger than she’d thought when standing on the pathway. The water curved away to the right, pooling into an even larger area, hidden behind thickly-leafed trees. “Literally a piece of paradise.”

     Evfra grunted quietly, turning his head to watch her slowly peel off her tank top, tossing it on top of everything else. He tilted his head, the faintest wisp of a smile in the corner of his mouth as his eyes wandered freely, a small sigh escaping his lips as she pushed her pants off, lazily kicking them off her ankle. She stretched and yawned, comfortably settled in her strappy sports bra and boy-cut underwear, and started to dip her feet into the water when--

     “Your clothes will get wet.”

     “I don’t have a bathing suit, so I’m working with what I’ve got. My underwear,” she replied slowly with an arched eyebrow.

     Evfra simply frowned in confusion. “Bathing suit?”

     Ryder frowned back with equal puzzlement. “You don’t have bathing suits? What do you-- oh my...” The words suddenly faded away as she watched him strip, far too efficiently, and head into the water. Her eyes honed in on him like a magnet, her brain stuck on pause as she took in every single inch of bare blue skin. The thick, wiry muscles, the way his skin shone under the moonlight; like the most supple, well polished leather. Holy fuck, and she thought he was beautiful before.

     “What is the purpose of underwear? It covers so little in the first place,” he asked with further annoyed confusion, though the curve of his mouth revealed how much he enjoyed the view regardless. He didn’t seem to notice Ryder’s jaw-dropped ogling, or he didn’t care, she couldn’t tell which.

     “What’s the… I don’t even know how to explain it,” she sighed, forcing the words out as she shook her head and looked up to the sky in bewilderment. Was this really happening?

     After a minute of silence Ryder shrugged and threw her hands up in defeat, crossing her arms as she pulled the sports bra over her head and pushed her underwear off, tossing it on the pile with another kick of her ankle. “... ah, fuck it.”

     What the hell, skinny-dipping was totally a drunken escapade thing. Except she wasn’t nearly as drunk as she was when they’d headed to the HQ. But no one else needed to know that. She started to step into the water again, shivering as the breeze blew boldly against her skin, when he moved forward and shook his head.

     “Wait.”

     “What now?” she scoffed, placing a hand on her hip and angling her head at him, an unimpressed look on her face.

     Evfra didn’t reply other than to wade in a bit closer, eyes running over her naked body with a mixture of curiosity and unabashed lust. When she saw his expression she cleared her throat and blood rushed to her cheeks. She groaned and laughed awkwardly, shaking her head in disbelief as she finally got into the water; blissfully warm and inviting.

     “What? Are you ashamed of your body?” he asked with a furrowed brow, watching with interest as she sighed and dunked her head under the water, smoothing her hair out with her hands.

     “What? No, it’s just… I’ve never really just stood on display,” she said slowly with a sheepish laugh, feeling her heart start to race as he moved in closer.

     “I enjoy looking at you; the way your body curves and dips, the way your skin gleams under the light. Almost as much as I enjoy touching you,” he said, that distinct gravel in his voice as he reached a hand out for her arm, and slowly pulled her in closer.

     “... Jesus Christ, where did they grow you? Who says things like that? Fuck,” she laughed, toes curling as she felt his hand slide along her waist.

     Evfra just chuckled huskily as he wrapped his arm around her, guiding them to slightly shallower water. “Far, far away from here,” he replied, staring into her eyes as a hand trailing along her jaw idly. “Your eyes…”

     “Hm?” Ryder tilted her head curiously, licking her lower lip before she slowly laid a hand on his forearm, letting her fingers wander the circumference. It was smooth, muscular, with the strangest ridge on the underside that seemed to run all the way up his arm.

     “I’ve never seen anything like them before,” he mused, a quiet thrum escaping his lips as her fingers trailed along his skin. “Icy grey, like the clouds on Voeld. Flecks of gold inside. Could almost mistake it for green in some lights. Mesmerizing.”

     She laughed and shook her head, sighing quietly as his other hand ran along her neck and across her collarbone. “Wow, I just… you are a serious panty-dropper.”

     “More idioms?” His brow furrowed with unimpressed disapproval, his hand sliding over her hair with interest.

     “It means you’re smooth, like… ridiculously smooth. Like you can get a girl to drop her panties, her underwear, just with your words,” she explained awkwardly, biting her lip hard and fighting a whimper when his hand spread across her back, openly and methodically exploring every inch of bare skin.

     “I suppose that’s accurate, considering you’re not wearing any right now,” he said smugly, chuckling when she rolled her eyes and pushed him forcibly away from her.

     “Oh my god, and you accuse me of arrogance,” she scoffed, sinking into the water and escaping his grasp as she swam to the other side of the pool. Her heart was pounding in her chest so hard she could feel it in her ears. A few moments later she surfaced with a gasp, smoothing her hands across the sides of her head and wiping her eyes, staying deep enough in the water so her toes could barely touch the sand below. “You really don’t play around, do you?”

     Evfra followed her slowly across the pool, a glint in his eye when he finally caught up to her, sliding his arms around her from behind; a hand snaking across her belly, teasing her skin with a thumb. She bit her lip so hard it could bleed, inhaling desperately when she felt warm lips grazing her neck and along her shoulder. “It’s a fool who sees what he wants and doesn’t reach for it,” he murmured quietly, his hand crossing to clasp the side of her ribcage lightly. “A common mistake of the young; to hesitate when they should act.”

     Another gasp left her when she felt his finger follow the underside of her breast, moving just high enough to explore it’s inviting curve upwards. His other hand wrapped around her as he slowly moved them to the far edge of the pool; lined with rocky formations along the back, flowers and foliage hanging tempestuously here and there.

     “... true,” she said breathily after a while, tilting her neck as his lips slid further up, finally pressing on the sensitive spot just below her ear.

     Her hand began to run along his arm when he turned her around, a hint of a smirk in the left corner of his mouth as his arms completely enveloped her waist. “And I’m no fool,” he murmured, raising a hand to trail along her jaw, before abruptly leaning in to kiss her.

     Ryder gasped against his lips, eyes fluttering shut as she kissed him back hungrily. Her hands gripped the lower part of his neck-folds as she pulled him closer, pressing her body against him. He let out a low rumble of approval as his tongue teased her lips open, digging his fingers into her waist roughly. Her heart raced so fast she almost couldn’t feel it anymore, and her lips tingled strangely as their kiss deepened; tongues brushing and teasing each other.

     Any thoughts previously whirring in her brain quickly fell away as she met his lips kiss for kiss, over and over, with a fervency she couldn’t explain. She needed this, and with the way he kept her in his iron grip, the way his tongue eagerly and impatiently explored hers, she knew he did too. She didn’t notice that he continued to move forward, until her back was suddenly pressed against the rocky wall firmly, craggy points digging into her soft flesh.

     She pulled her head back and gasped, wincing slightly, though he didn’t let up right away, simply dropping slow kisses along her jaw. “Mm, you trying to bruise me on purpose?” she asked breathlessly, meeting his eyes with a wry smile. “That’s not very nice.”

     “If nice was what you wanted, you wouldn’t be here, with me,” he said huskily, moving back just enough so that the rock wasn’t poking as sharply, but enough that she could still feel it against her.

     Ryder opened her mouth to retort, until she realized the truth in his words, and chuckled sheepishly. Her hands ran up and down the folds on his neck idly, licking her lower lip, now kiss-swollen, and exhaled a shaky sigh. “... guess you’re right.”

     “I usually am,” he quipped dryly, cupping her cheek before kissing her again fiercely, humming in approval as her leg slowly wrapped around his. Her fingers dug into his skin as she kissed him back, with just as much force and passion, losing herself in the feeling of his lips, his hands, the way his body fit to hers as tightly as possible.

     She had no idea how long they were there, tucked away at the far end of the pool, her body half-wrapped around him. She’d lost count of how many times she’d kissed him, insistently one after another; sometimes quick, sometimes slow, but always seeking the other out before they had time to catch their breath. After what felt like an age, their lips naturally parted, both breathing heavily, and he stared at her with an intensity that made her nethers throb viciously.

     He licked his lower lip and stroked her neck, and offered her the smallest of smiles. “I was wrong,” he finally said, watching as she leaned back and rested her head against the rocks with a heavy sigh.

     “Yeah?” she asked distractedly, realizing just how much electricity was coursing through her body. Shit.

     “Seems that mouth of yours may be _my_ undoing,” he chuckled, one hand bracing her lower back as the other rubbed her waist.

     Ryder laughed huskily and ran her fingers through her damp hair, closing her eyes with another sigh before meeting his gaze. “... holy shit,” was all that she could manage to say, shaking her head in disbelief as she watched him. “Where the hell did you come from? Are you even real?”

     Evfra snorted and arched a brow, his thumb brushing along the side of her breast. “Are you?” he asked sarcastically, pulling her in for a long and lazy kiss, smirking when she gasped as his fingers ran across her nipple curiously. “I’m not convinced.”

     “You’re not convinced? _I’m_ not convinced,” she scoffed, biting her lip as she ran her finger down the length of the scar on his face, shivering at the way his hand systematically explored her breast; cupping, squeezing, tracing, flicking her nipple idly. He was cataloguing her body with the same single-mindedness she’d seen in the sparring ring. He didn’t miss a beat, and nothing escaped his notice. She’d never been under such intense scrutiny before, in a way that made her stomach clench and flutter at the same time.

     “How much shore leave do you have?” he asked, sliding his hand around to her back, fingers returning to their original, meticulous study.

     “Two more days,” she replied, hands wandering curiously around the protrusions in his chest, pressing on them gently.

     He grunted and nodded, following the curve of her back as his hand cupped her ass, squeezing it mildly. “Good, I want to see you again.”

     “Oh?” she asked innocently, biting her lip and smiling at his deadpan stare. “I don’t know, we’ll see. I’ll be so busy with all that relaxing and not straining myself, and finding my non-violent happy place, or whatever.”

     Evfra frowned, brow furrowing as he made a small snort of disapproval, leaning in as his fingers squeezed a cheek roughly. “... I don’t like games.”

     Ryder gasped and shivered, poking a chest protrusion with a mild frown of her own. “Playful is different than mind games. Remember the sparring ring? Teasing? Light-hearted banter?”

     His hand relaxed slightly, as did the rest of him, and he tilted his head, a wry smile on his face. “I remember.”

     “Good. Cause I was just teasing,” she sighed, pushing herself up to drop a light kiss on his lips. "I don't like games either.”

     “I’m glad to hear it,” he murmured with approval, kissing her warmly as his arms held her tight against his chest. “Come see me tomorrow. Or… later today, given the sun will be rising soon.”

     Ryder looked up, finally noticing how the sky was no longer black, but a very dark navy, and let out a surprised laugh. “Holy shit. Wait-- oh my god, you have to work soon, don’t you?”

     Evfra shrugged indifferently, more interested in dropping kisses along her neck slowly. “Of course, I don’t get the luxury of days off like you. Not even medical leave.”

     “What? You can’t be serious. No, there’s no way I believe that. You just don’t take time off, do you?” she asked suspiciously, letting out a tired sigh as she rested her head against his shoulder.

     “I can’t afford to, and neither can the Resistance,” he said gruffly, nipping her neck with disapproval  before rubbing her back gently when she yawned. “Mm, I should take you back to the Tempest so you can get some rest.”

     Ryder didn’t move, just scrunched her nose slightly, her fingers running around each protrusion curiously. “You’re the one that needs rest, I’m on shore leave. Feel guilty now, keeping you up this late.”

     “Why? I made the choice,” he huffed impatiently, giving her a squeeze and kissing her shoulder before he started to walk back to the entrance of the grotto. “If I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t, same as you.”

     “Alright, alright, don’t get grumpy with me,” she groaned, wrapping her other leg around his hip as he began to walk. “How much sleep will you even get before you have to head to HQ?”

     “No less than I’ve done countless times before, don’t nag,” Evfra quipped wryly, poking her side gently, causing her to wince. “This was a much more enjoyable reason to lose sleep.”

     “Ow, no poking. You got me there, remember?” Ryder grunted, dropping her legs when he finally reached the shore, shivering as a soft wind rolled past them.

     “Yes, one of the rare times I managed to catch you,” he answered with a chuckle, picking up his clothes with a pause, and sighing contentedly as he watched her change.

     She laughed quietly, feeling his eyes on her instantly, and tugged her clothes here and there as her damp skin created resistance. “You really like to stare, don’t you?”

     “No more than you do,” Evfra smirked, catching her surprised expression and laughing when she made a face. “As though I can’t tell when your eyes are on me.”

     “You’re such an ass, why the hell do I find that so irresistible?” she muttered, adjusting her bra before bending over to reach for her pants.

     “I still fail to see the purpose of underwear,” he said blandly, finally putting on his own clothes with ease.

     Ryder rolled her eyes as she fastened her pants, grabbing her tank top and turning to him before pulling it over her head. “It’s a modesty thing, it’s a ‘keep the boobs strapped in so they don’t bounce too hard and hurt when killing stuff’ thing, it’s a… it’s just a thing,” she explained awkwardly, rubbing her arms quickly before she reached for her t-shirt.

     He looked at her with an arched brow and a blank expression, clearly unimpressed with her reasoning. “Useless.”

     “No it’s not. You just say that cause you don’t have boobs,” she snorted, throwing on her jacket and sitting on a large rock as she put on her socks and boots.

     “Perhaps,” he said, unconvinced as he stood in front of her, arms crossed over his chest, and waited for her to finish.

     She sighed and stood up, stretching her arms out high above her head when he swiftly pulled her in close, bending down to kiss her again hungrily. She made a muffled noise of surprise before kissing him back, hands resting on his arms lightly.

     “Come see me,” he murmured against her lips, smirking and kissing her again when she shivered. “ _Today_.”

     “... uh-huh,” she nodded slowly, clearing her throat and failing to stop the whimper that escaped her lips when his hand slid up her back.

     “... good. I’ll take you back to your ship,” he nodded curtly, keeping a hand around her as they headed out and back onto the winding pathways.

     They walked in silence for several minutes, slowly making their way up to the main commercial and cultural center, the sun beginning to rise behind them. Her mind was pleasantly buzzing as she yawned, resting her head against his chest, making him smile and squeeze her waist gently.

     “Will anyone be awake yet to bring the ship around, or do we need to go the long way?” Evfra asked quietly once they reached the docks, rubbing her back idly.

     “Sam, what time is it?” she asked, slipping an arm around Evfra slowly, finding herself reluctant to leave and let this impossible night end.

     “It’s currently 5:35am, Pathfinder,” the AI replied immediately. “Gil and Kallo are both up. Shall I signal a pickup for you?”

     “Fuck, forgot Gil’s an early riser. Definitely gonna get interrogated before I get to go to bed,” Ryder groaned, wrapping her other arm around him and burying her face in his chest for a few moments before turning it to the side. “Yeah, get ‘em over here.”

     Evfra smirked slightly as his hands ran over her hair; still a bit damp, and beginning to curl and wave insistently. “And what will you tell him when he asks where you’ve been all night?”

     “Haven’t decided,” she admitted, pulling back with a sigh, and scrunched her nose when she felt his lips on her forehead. “Kinda hoping I can magically become invisible and sneak to my quarters without anyone noticing or asking or wheedling it out of me.”

     “Well that’s a shit plan if I ever heard one,” he snorted, patting her bum and dropping a light kiss on her lips before turning back. “Don’t forget: come see me later.”

     “You’ve said that like three times, stop being a nag,” she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest as she heard the Tempest start to approach in the distance.

     “And get some rest.”

     “Oh my god, okay _dad_!” Ryder called out after him, rolling her eyes and turning away as the ship began its descent.

     “I’m not your-- oh. Idiom.”

     “You’re a genius.”

     “Oh just get on your ship, and take your stupid, useless idioms with you,” he snarked, though he looked back at her with a wry smile.

     Ryder opened her mouth to throw a jab but just shook her head and sighed, covering her face with her hands as she laughed, and ran her fingers through her hair. What the hell was she doing?

     As the ramp lowered she saw Gil standing at the top, arms crossed over his chest, and a shit-eating grin on his face. “ _Sooooo_ … Pathfinder. Seems you’ve had a late night,” the engineer quipped, a mischievous twinkle in his eye, watching her like a hawk as she made her way in.

     “... uh-huh,” she replied, avoiding his gaze as she quietly headed for the cargo bay.

     “You uh… you gonna tell me what you were up to?” Gil asked with a grin, following her as she made her way through the first set of doors towards her quarters.

     “Nope!” she said simply with an innocent smile, pausing when he tugged her on her elbow gently.

     “Come on, I’m not the town gossip or anything, you know that. I won't tell anyone, I swear it,” he said in a hushed tone, biting his lip and smiling as he leaned in. “It was a guy, wasn’t it? It’s always a guy at this hour of the morning.”

     Ryder started to say something, then gave him a bewildered look, brow furrowed as she recounted the evening’s events. After a few moments she just laughed and shook her head, patting him on the shoulder as she made her way through the second set of doors, and down the hallway.

     “... you wouldn’t believe me if I told you, _trust me_.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (4/29) A/N: Aaand we're finally switching to an "M" rating. Nudity/smut will be occasional, but I'm going to mark any relevant chapters as NSFW in the title and chapter summaries, just in case :) 
> 
> It's safe to say that chapters should be coming out regularly every few days or so, as I'm bouncing between this and my other fic. 
> 
> For any of you who are interested, check out my Jaal/Ryder fic for the events that take place before this story. It branches off several chapters in.
> 
> And I feel like a broken record, but screw it cause it's still true: THANK YOU! 
> 
> This has been a blast, it never gets old to see that people are enjoying my stories, and it makes me squish every time you guys support the story, however you do. So thank you. Seriously. Makes my day every day <3


	4. A Secret Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an unbelievable night, Ryder's finding it impossible to sleep. And while she'd planned on keeping it to herself, it's simply too much, and she spills her secret adventure to an eager listening ear.

* * *

 

 

     After a few restless hours in bed, Ryder found herself staring at the ceiling, stomach clenching and churning unbearably. She rolled onto her side, fingers picking at the bed sheets, and furrowed her brow as the previous night’s events ran over and over in her mind.

     “... Sam?” she asked suddenly, curling up into a fetal position and tucking the sheets tight around her.

     “Yes, Pathfinder?”

     “Did last night really happen? You triply sure I wasn’t drugged or hallucinating or something?”

     “You were intoxicated for approximately half the evening, but yes, I can confirm that you spent the entire night with Evfra.”

     “... shit,” Ryder murmured, feeling her stomach lurch, and she ran out of her quarters for the bathroom, knees shaking as she bent over the toilet. She couldn’t tell if it was the drink or an ever-increasing sense of panic, but either way she was ready to vomit.

     “I was going to offer congratulations, but it seems perhaps you are not as happy about last night as I had deduced?” Sam inquired calmly, but she simply shook her head, waving quickly as she tried to take in some deep breaths.

     She inhaled slowly, one hand clutching her stomach, and licked her lower lip, waiting to see if last night’s adventure was going to offer some stereotypical payback. So it was real. It was real? She’d promised she’d come to visit him at HQ, but even the thought gave her crippling anxiety. What was she supposed to say, how was she supposed to act? How in hell was she supposed to stand there and make small talk and not be completely distracted and thinking of him naked?

     “Oh god,” she whimpered, running her fingers through her hair as she slowly stood, a shaky exhale leaving her mouth, when she heard the bathroom door slide open.

     “Hangover?” Gil smirked, leaning against the doorway, arms crossed over his chest with a mischievous glint in his eye.

     Ryder gave him a sidelong glance, hands shivering as she went to the sink and cupped a few mouthfuls of water, her heart still racing. “No. Maybe, I don’t know.”

     He continued to watch her for a while, rubbing his chin thoughtfully as she stared at herself in the mirror. “... seriously, Ryder. You okay? What happened last night?”

     She chewed her lip and stared at him doubtfully, peering over his shoulder to see if anyone was around. “... you swear you won’t tell?”

     Gil jerked his head back and frowned slightly, stepping into the bathroom so the door would shut behind him. “Yeah, of course not, what’s going on?”

     Ryder sucked in a breath and opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. After a few moments of awkward silence she shook her head and grabbed him by the arm, dragging him out of the bathroom and around the corner into her living quarters. “It’s… yeah. Something happened last night. Like… what the _fuck_ kind of happened.”

     “I’m all ears, dish,” he grinned, heading over to the couch and patting the seat beside him. “It was a guy wasn’t it? I knew it was a guy. I’ve been thinking about it all morning, but I couldn’t figure it out. I mean… everyone on the ship was accounted for, so it wasn’t one of us. There are a couple handfuls of Initiative people here but I haven’t seen you interact with any of them. So next guess is an angaran, but who?”

     “You won’t believe me,” she laughed sheepishly, reluctantly joining him, crossing her legs and hugging a pillow tightly. “Seriously, you’ll think I’m crazy.”

     Gil waved dismissively and grabbed the pillow from the other end, plopping it in his lap and holding onto it loosely. “Nothing shocks me anymore, try me.”

     “... Evfra.” Ryder licked her lower lip, and arched an eyebrow as the engineer’s eyes widened, his mouth gaping open.

     “Shut _up_.”

     “I’m serious.”

     “No.”

     “Yes.”

     “No!”

     “ _Yes_.”

     “Okay yeah, I think you’re crazy,” Gil scoffed, staring at Ryder in disbelief before a cheshire cat grin spread across his lips. “Tell me _everything_.”

     Ryder inhaled as deeply as she could, running her fingers through her hair before recounting the previous evening’s adventures. Escaping to the Tavetaan, Evfra’s sudden appearance, their conversation, sparring, flirting, touching, the grotto, swimming, nakedness, all the kissing and teasing fondling in the world. It was a verbal vomitous stream of consciousness, and she only stopped to suck in a desperate breath here and there before continuing.

     She’d intended to keep it to herself, mostly because she couldn’t believe it happened, and if she said it out loud, that would mean it definitely did. And she wasn’t sure what to do with it. And after all the venting and frustrations with Jaal, how was she going to tell Drack or Cora that she’d suddenly veered left and found herself in completely impossible circumstances?

     But there was something deeply relieving in sharing with someone besides Sam, and Gil’s gasps and grins and wide eyes and murmurs and nail-biting reactions were somehow comforting. Like someone else was experiencing the journey with her, and felt what she had in the moment.

     When she finally came to the end, when she’d boarded the Tempest, Gil blew a huge sigh and fell back against the couch, staring at her in wonderment. “Well holy shit. Talk about an evening to remember. I think I might be a bit jealous. That man is… _damn_. Who even knew.”

     “Right? What the fuck. I haven’t been able to sleep, I tried, but I just keep thinking about it over and over. And I’m supposed to go visit him… what the hell do I even say? I just lip-locked the leader of the fucking Resistance, the most closed-off hardass I’ve ever met. How am I supposed to act?” Ryder groaned, running her fingers through her hair and gripping it tightly, even as she felt some wayward strands lifting to the ceiling.

     “I really wish I could tell you, but… I don’t know what the fuck I’d do if it were me. I mean… well, let’s think about this logically,” he huffed after a minute, leaning in like they were discussing a top-secret conspiracy. “I mean, obviously you’re into him, who the hell wouldn’t be if given half the chance? And clearly he’s into you. The way he kept telling you to come see him, I mean… you _have_ to go see him. This is not one of those times where you get a free pass to chicken out.”

     Ryder groaned and shook her head, looking at him helplessly. “Really? You sure? Because I feel like I definitely get to chicken out. I mean… I _really_ want to chicken out. He’s just so… god, there aren’t words. There are no words for that man.”

     Gil snorted and patted her knee, sighing as he rested an elbow on the back cushions. “So true. No words. I’m stunned. I am literally stunned. You’ve done the impossible; you’ve left me completely dumbstruck.”

     “What? No! You have to help me, you can’t just leave me hanging. I am way in over my head here,” she muttered, hugging the pillow to her chest, half-hiding her face. “What do you think he’d do if I just… didn’t show up? What if we just took off and went somewhere else for the last couple days of shore leave? I mean, I could totally do that.”

     “Are you insane? No! Look, this is… okay yeah, I don’t even know what to call it. But what I do know is that you don’t get a man like that dropped in your lap… ever. So don’t you even think of letting him go, or I’ll space _you_ out the airlock, and then the whole galaxy is doomed. So… suck it up. We’ll figure this out,” Gil replied, his voice insistent and almost as desperate as she felt. He gripped her knee tightly and stared meaningfully into her eyes, and she took in a shaky breath and nodded.

     “Yeah, okay. Sure, you’re right. Once in a never kind of night. I can’t chicken out. I’m the Pathfinder. I’m not afraid of anything. I’m goddamned fearless. What’s one man, right?” Ryder sat up straight, puffing out her chest, pursing her lips with determination.

     “That’s the spirit! I mean, not like you have to second-guess if he likes you or not. He very obviously does. So… what’s there to fear really?” Gil nodded, sitting up straighter as well, though when their eyes met, both their mouths opened and they slumped slightly. “... shit.”

     “Double shit.”

     “Look, it’s just… best to get it over with, otherwise you’ll sit here chewing on it endlessly. Put some pants on, throw some water on that frizzy hair of yours and go see him. I mean, he asked you to. Take a deep breath, put on your poker face and go say hi. Not like you have to linger, he’s working, right?” he shrugged, laughing sympathetically as he ran his hand over his hair. “Seriously, why doesn’t this kind of thing happen to me? I’d love to have this kind of problem.”

     “You can have it, it is all yours. I am not built for this,” Ryder laughed, hiding her face in her hands as she dragged herself off the couch and over to the closet. “I can do this. Just break it down, simple steps. Put on pants. Easy.”

     “Uh, and a shirt. I mean, you _could_ just go in your bra, definitely sends a certain message,” Gil smirked, resting his hand on his chin as he watched her change idly.

     “No, let’s not and say we did. Next step: shirt. See? I’ve got this. Easy,” she nodded, slipping into some sweatpants and grabbing a tank top.

     “... really? You’re gonna wear that?” he asked doubtfully, scrunching his nose as she reached for a sweatshirt. “... come on.”

     Ryder huffed and pressed her fingers into her cheek as she glanced between Gil and the top. “What? It’s comfortable. And I need comfortable right now. If I wear anything snugger I might puke, and that’s a humiliation I don’t need.”

     The engineer threw his hands in the air and nodded, extending his legs onto the couch as she pulled the sweatshirt over her head. “No no, fair enough. Vomiting in front of everyone at the Resistance HQ, not a good look. Don’t forget the hair.”

     “What? Oh, yeah.” She sighed and smoothed her hand over her head, muttering with annoyance as her hair raised stubbornly, and motioned for Gil to follow her as she left for the bathroom.

     “You know, I’m kinda getting excited for you,” he grinned, leaning against the corner of a shower as he watched her wet her hair nervously. “I mean… wow. _Wow_. Evfra. And here I was thinking you’d had a thing for Jaal. I mean… we all thought that was inevitable.”

     Ryder jerked her head and looked at him through the mirror, running some water over her face and cleaning the sleep-sand from her eyes. “... what?”

     Gil frowned and rubbed the back of his neck, giving her a wry smile. “You really saying you had no interest in him? I had a bet going with half the crew on how long it’d take before you two got together.”

     Just as she was taking a gulpful of water, she coughed roughly and clutched the side of the sink, banging her chest with a fist. “Are you serious?”

     “You think I haven’t noticed the way you look at him when you think no one’s looking? You think I haven’t seen the way he looks at you when everyone is looking? Please. Still. _Evfra_.”

     “I… okay yeah. I had a thing for him. Have a thing for him, whatever. Doesn’t matter though, doesn’t matter how he looks at me, doesn’t even matter what he’s said to me. Not when he flirts with every other woman like that,” she snorted, pursing her lips as she narrowed her eyes at her own reflection. “Doesn’t take a genius to know where I stand with that smooth talker.”

     Gil furrowed his brow and rubbed his cheek doubtfully, opening his mouth to say something, and instead exhaled a heavy sigh. “... yeah. I don’t know, I don’t really get the angara. I just know what I saw, that’s all.”

     “Yeah, well take a look at him and Peebee, those two were at it on Voeld. In front of me. After he’d sent me an email that… I can’t, I don’t wanna think about it. No point.” Ryder shut her eyes tight as her lips formed a thin line, taking in a slow, deep breath before looking back into the mirror. “Better to focus on the guy that’s actually interested, and cuts through the bullshit to just tell me so.”

     “No, you’re right. Between the guy who’s playing hot and cold, and the guy who got you naked in a night… I’m gonna go with the naked in a night guy,” he admitted with a teasing grin, standing behind her and giving her shoulders a few gentle squeezes. “You are great, you are a badass, you are the Pathfinder. You’ve got this.”

     “Yup. I’ve got this, I’ve got this,” she murmured, inhaling and exhaling a few times, before turning around and exchanging rueful smiles. “Thanks for listening.”

     “Anytime. Now go out there and say hi and woo that sexy man’s face off. And then come back here and tell me all about it,” he laughed, patting her on the back as he pushed her out the bathroom door.

     Ryder nodded and sucked in a deep breath, straightening her posture and squaring her shoulders as she made her way to the cargo bay. “Yeah. Woo his face off. No problem…”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (5/2) A/N: Just a quick interlude before Ryder heads out to the HQ, but couldn't do it without her sober reaction to her impossible flirty adventure ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoy, you are all ridiculously and insanely awesome, and expect another chapter in a day or two :D


	5. A Sandwich and a Rifle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slowly but surely, Ryder makes her way to the HQ, but no amount of spirited mantras could prepare her for the walking bundle of contradictions that was the Resistance leader. And to make matters worse, the trip and the encounter do not turn out anywhere close to how she thought it would...

* * *

 

 

     As Ryder left the docks, she had a calm and collected expression plastered on her face, which took every ounce of determination she had in her body. Sharing her escapades with Gil had helped in the moment, but as she walked down the long and winding way to the HQ, nodding and smiling to passersby, she was feeling that initial resolve deteriorating faster than she could say ‘Krogan War Hammer of Death’. Not that she’d regretted what happened, not that she even felt ashamed of it, but she couldn’t ignore the reality that she’d _never_ done something like that before.

     There was fast-burning attraction, and then there was Evfra. And it was clear from start to finish that he was in a league all his own. She was doomed.

     She ran her fingers through her hair and let out a shaky sigh, quickly veering left to a stall in the market square, and asked to check their store of weapons. Weapons? Did she really need more? Why yes, yes in fact she did. She smiled politely and looked with feigned interest at the vendor’s wares, all the while trying to psych herself up. Halfway. She was about halfway to the HQ. Nearly there.

     After a few minutes of pleasant inquiry and checking the Tempest’s current armory, she ordered a pistol and a shotgun, and requested them to be sent directly to the ship. Drack never got sick of having a new shotgun, and Vetra liked having something small in her pocket, just in case. Besides, she couldn’t very well leave empty-handed, not after the excited look on the man’s face, the way he bent over backwards to help her. After all, she was the Pathfinder.

_The Pathfinder._

     It sounded a lot more impressive than it felt. What she really was was the Initiative’s Jack-of-all-Trades, Girl Friday, unwilling spokesperson and potential scapegoat, rolled into one. She spent all her time running around a foreign galaxy, collecting more names and faces than she’d ever remember (if it weren’t for Sam), putting out more fires than she had hands for, and racing against time to save as many lives as she could, knowing that more and more slipped through her fingers with every day that passed.

     Yeah, the fancy title didn’t come close to expressing the responsibility and pressure on her shoulders. And yet she took it all in stride, for the most part, excepting the odd moments of complete and paralyzing panic. Mostly she was good with it. Break it down, take it apart, one thing at a time, do what she could whenever she could, the best that she could. She was only one person after all. And it’s not like that many people complained about the job she did. Mostly pencil-pushers who were too ignorant to face the harsh realities of what it took to create a home in a new galaxy, and the impossible choices that came with it.

     So how could she manage all of that, remaining respectably sane, and be so flabbergasted when faced with something as simple as attraction? Was it an angaran thing? Sure, she wasn’t the most eloquent person alive, she didn’t possess her brother’s enigmatic charm, but it wasn’t as if she was some petrified virginal wallflower either. She’d had her fair share of romantic entanglements in the past, a few long-term relationships, some more questionable and risky than others according to Jack, but it wasn’t a completely unknown realm to her.

     But there was just _something_ about the angarans that she couldn’t pinpoint. Some strangely curved puzzle piece in them that hit her like a barrelling krogan headbutt, knocking her on her ass and leaving her dazed and speechless. They were so open, in ways that felt mesmerizing, suspicious and terrifying all at the same time. She’d spent most of her life keeping it in and putting on a brave face, now more than ever. What choice did she have? She died, her father died, and two hours later she was in the field, trying to save the whole damned galaxy. Not much time to get her head in the game, and fuck grieving entirely.

     What she’d wanted was a break. A break from the overwhelming realities of her job, a chance to take the mantle off her shoulders and just be herself. To find some relief and comfort and excitement and mystery in the simplicity of making a connection with someone. Of partaking in that teasing and delightful dance that was flirtation and romance. Enjoy the thrill of dipping your toes in the waters of seeing someone, of having them see you, experiencing that inexplicable force that drew two people together like gravity.

     It sounded simple. And she wanted simple. So why did it feel so goddamned confusing? Or was it? Was she just overthinking it again? Jaal aside, and she had to put him aside, was it really that complicated between her and Evfra? On paper, no. Guy likes girl, girl likes guy. On the surface it was alright. But guy is anti-social, snarky and toe-curlingly assertive, and girl was unprepared for all that… direct communication. Guy is the Resistance leader, girl is the Pathfinder, and they swam naked together. So very naked. Was that a conflict of interest? Did she even give a crap when a single raspy, breathy word from him had her throbbing in her-- well, everywhere?

     She chewed her lip nervously as she passed the Tavetaan, slowing down once she walked through the doors, the HQ in sight. Shit, Jaal usually hung around the balcony just up ahead. Yeah, no. Time to find another route. She looked around bewildered for a moment until her eyes caught the entrance to the archaeological archives.

_Yes. That. Go through there._

     She shrugged her shoulders a few times as she stepped inside, quickly scanning the large open room for Peebee. She wasn’t in the mood to make small talk, and truth be told, she’d been avoiding both her and Jaal ever since Voeld, nor had she taken them on any missions since. If they liked each other so damned much, they could fucking well flirt to their heart’s content _without_ her having to be a foot away.

     Thankfully no one was around, and she quickly checked her omni-tool: just shy of ten in the morning. Yeah, that was an acceptable time to stop by and say hello. He’d probably be ass-deep in kett-related problems and wouldn’t have time to talk, but at least she’d stuck to her word. She’d visited. After that… what happened after that? No, no, no. One step at a time: drag her ass to the Resistance HQ and do her best not to be an utterly inept fool in front of Evfra and everyone else. Right.

     She took in another shaky breath and nodded curtly to herself, noting how Sam had chosen to keep silent ever since Gil showed up. Really? He who had everything to say about her and her romantic follies, _now_ was the time he decided to keep his digital mouth shut? Fine. She had to do this on her own anyway.

     She went straight through the archive and turned left, peering around the bend as she made her way to the HQ. Good, she was in the clear. She stopped at the bottom of the steps, feeling her heart start to pound like a big, booming drum, and ran her fingers through her hair. She was great, she was a badass, she was the Pathfinder.

_She had this._

     “... Ryder, you have business at the HQ?” said an all too familiar deep, velvety, and tingly-making voice. “I’m surprised to see you up so early. Well, early for you.”

_Kill._

_Me._

_NOW._

     If she could have willed the ground to open up and swallow her whole, she would have, the galaxy be damned. Her whole body stiffened, and she was certain that beating heart of hers stopped dead in its tracks. She opened her mouth to respond, but only a small gasp escaped before she swallowed hard. Her throat had gone as dry as the Eos deserts, it almost hurt. “Uh. Yeah. Business,” she said, her words an awkward staccato as Jaal stood beside her. “Uh, you?”

     “Yes, Evfra requested an update on our progress, and asked me to lead a training session in the barracks,” he replied easily, tilting his head and watching her curiously. “Ryder, are you alright?”

     “What?” she squeaked, clearing her throat and rubbing her cheek as she started up the steps hurriedly. “Oh. Yeah, totally fine. Just… up early cause I couldn’t sleep. You know how it is.”

     Jaal frowned thoughtfully for a few moments, before slowly nodding. “Yes, I suppose I understand what it is to lack sleep,” he murmured to himself, giving her a discreet side glance before nodding quickly. “I suppose we all have to some degree. The galaxy is vast, and its troubles are many.”

     “Mm? Yeah,” Ryder answered distractedly, her mind racing to figure out what do next. Should she dash down the stairs? Should she try and chat up some random Resistance member? Should she shoot Jaal? This was literally the worst possible circumstance that could have been conjured for her little social visit.

     Or… was it? This was Evfra. What was the worst that could happen? Sure, he was angaran, but he was also the most growly, harsh and uncongenial angaran that ever lived. What were the odds he’d be some open, poetic crooner overnight, and in public no less? No, no chance. She’d be fine. This would be fine.

     She found herself putting one foot in front of the other, automatically matching Jaal’s pace, and avoided his half-concerned, half-curious gaze. She cleared her throat again and rubbed the back of her neck, slowing down just before they got to the doors at the epicenter of the HQ. She furrowed her brow nervously and licked her lower lip. It was going to happen. She was going to vomit. Oh no.

     Jaal gave her a small smile of sympathy and squeezed her shoulder lightly. “Don’t worry, Ryder. He makes everyone feel that way. Myself included, on occasion. It will be fine. Just be quick and to the point, and you’ll be out in no time.”

     Ryder’s heart dropped to her stomach and she winced, letting out an involuntary whimper, hands twitching as she fought the irresistible urge to cover her face with her hands and run screaming from the building. “... yeah. You’re right, totally right. It’ll be fine.”

_Oh dear god._

     She rubbed the back of her calf with a foot, offering Jaal a very brief and painfully tight smile before they walked through the doors. Evfra was standing at his desk; arms crossed over his chest, and frowning deeply. It was like watching a train-wreck, or being pulled in by a tractor beam. She couldn’t stop herself from moving forward, and she couldn’t tear her eyes away. Evfra glanced first at Jaal, giving him a curt nod, and took the tablet extended to him.

     “Thank you,” he said shortly, scrolling through it for a few seconds before dropping it on the table. “The recruits are ready for training when you are.”

     Jaal nodded politely, but hesitated to turn when he saw Ryder furrow her brow, her tongue darting out of the corner of her mouth for a nanosecond. After half a beat he took in a slow breath and made for the door, at a snail’s pace, just in case.

     “And _you_ ,” Evfra said sharply, his frown deepening as his eyes landed on Ryder. “What are you doing here?”

     Her eyes widened and she opened her mouth, shaking her head slightly in confusion. “... what?”

     Evfra snorted and looked down at his desk, pursing his lips tightly as he checked the time. “I told you to get some rest. It’s not even ten o’clock, did you sleep at all?”

     Ryder jerked her head, the ends of her mouth curling downward as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Did you?”

     “I’m not the one on medical leave, am I?” he countered roughly, arching a brow as he shifted his weight onto his left foot.

     “Look, you told me to--”

     “Yes. _After_ you’d rested. _After_ I was finished here. I thought that was perfectly obvious.” Evfra sighed and covered his eyes with a hand, rubbing his temple slowly. “... I should have made myself clear.”

     “Uh. Yeah. You should have,” she huffed, tightening her arms around herself and making a subtle face at him.

     “Just… go back to bed. I will not be held responsible by your doctor if your condition worsens,” he said wearily, waving at her dismissively before he picked up Jaal’s tablet. “I’ll email you when I’m done here.”

     “Okay, first off? I’m not going back to bed, _dad_. Secondly, I don’t have a ‘condition’, I have an overly protective and vigilant doctor. And lastly… you’re an ass.”

     A quiet wave of gasps echoed as everyone in the room turned around to look at her, including Jaal, who’d only made it halfway to the door. Evfra arched a brow and tilted his head subtly, his face a stony mask. The blood rushed to her cheeks, but she just stood straighter. Too late, it was already out there, might as well own it. “Yeah, I said that. Out loud.”

     The Resistance leader blinked slowly, so slowly it seemed as though he’d closed his eyes for a moment, and licked his lower lip before eyeing her steadily. “... and what are your plans for the rest of the day?”

     “I don’t know. Relax? Try not to think murderous thoughts or kill anything?” she shrugged, staring back at him with a mix of uncertainty and annoyance.

     Evfra nodded casually, looking back down at his desk, and picked up an assault rifle that had been laying on the far end. “Fine. If you’re up, might as well make yourself useful,” he replied nonchalantly, tossing the gun to her, the vaguest hint of a smirk teasing the corner of his mouth.

     “Uh… what’s this?” she asked after catching it, turning it over slowly, and raising it so she could look through the sights.

     “It’s a gun,” he said wanly, properly smirking when she gave him a deadpan stare. “You’re a mechanic. Show me what you can do.”

     Ryder jerked her head back, mouth gaped and eyes widening in surprise before they dropped to the rifle. “... oh. Well… alright. I can mess around with this, I guess,” she shrugged curiously, a wave of relief spreading as her mind latched on something other than the two angaran men loosely sandwiching her. “You got tools I can use?”

     “Ask our weapons master downstairs,” Evfra replied wryly, a twinkle in his eye as she pushed her lips out thoughtfully, running her hands over the gun with interest.

     “Gun range?”

     “Off the sparring ring.”

     “People training, right?”

     “Yes.”

     “Can I borrow them?”

     He licked his lower lip again and offered her a small smile, though she was too busy inspecting the rifle to notice. “At your leisure.”

     “Mm, okay. See ya,” she nodded, turning around with a vague wave, ignoring everyone’s presence, including a dumbstruck Jaal, as she headed for the door, already absorbed with her new project. She’d never gotten her hands on an angaran weapon before. This was gonna be fun. Maybe this wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Certainly beat suntanning or making small talk with strangers, or going stir-crazy with nothing to do.

     “I’ll come get you when I’m finished here,” Evfra called out, raising his voice slightly, his stance relaxing as he watched her.

     “Uh-huh.” Ryder made another lazy, distracted gesture as she disappeared through the doors, making her way to the barracks.

     Evfra sighed quietly and smiled, rubbing his cheek as he picked up Jaal’s tablet, scrolling to the top of the report. After half a second he looked up and raised a brow at all of the stunned, jaw-dropped soldiers, still frozen from the exchange they’d just witnessed. “... did we suddenly run out of kett to fight?” he asked mildly, pursing his lips tightly as his tone dropped to a low growl. “ _Get back to work_.”

     Ryder didn’t notice when day turned to night, she was having far too much fun. The late part of the morning had been spent pulling soldier after soldier into the gun range, and making them all shoot off a clip or so. She walked around them, made them pause so she could check their stance, get an up close look at their grip, pulling back again to check the recoil.

     The afternoon was for taking the gun apart and inspecting each and every piece up close. And once she’d familiarized herself with precisely how it worked, and what everything did, it was time to figure out how to make it better, more efficient. Maybe a new grip. A molded grip? Wouldn’t take much to reduce the recoil. Could easily make the ammo clips larger. How about more accurate sights, a different style of sights? What about different ammo rounds? Hm. What had been most effective against the kett? Her mind churned like a series of well-oiled cogs, and she couldn’t have been happier. No thoughts of guys or romance, no annoyance or confusion. Just a puzzle to take apart and put back together. This she could wrap her head around, this she could understand.

     This, she was good at.

     By the time Evfra had come to pick her up it was nearly seven, but she hadn’t noticed, mostly due to the lack of windows in the gun range. When he stepped inside she was bouncing between two different soldiers, Tarin and Lasil, who’d kindly and eagerly agreed to help her after their suppertime. She hadn’t seen him come in, hadn’t even heard the doors open.

     “Alright, so this is with the new grip. What do you think, easier? More cumbersome? How’s it feel?” she asked, watching Tarin open and close his hand around it, lifting it up to shoot a few rounds, hooking and unhooking it at his side.

     “Mm, better than the last one you tried. Just a bit more pliant, not as rigid. Very comfortable,” he observed, tossing the gun to his compatriot, who took her turn with it.

     After conducting similar testing, she looked at Ryder with a warm smile and nodded briefly. “I agree, this feels natural, I particularly like how well it fits the shape of my hand.”

     Ryder clapped and grinned with relief, before holding her hip and frowning thoughtfully. “What about the sights? Wasn’t personally a fan of your default, but with the couple new choices I gave you, did you have any preferences?”

     Tarin tilted his head and gave it a moment’s thought, rubbing his chin and placing a hand on his hip as well. “I liked the green one with the four marks. Having a distinct color helped, but the dashes were small enough not to obstruct my view.”

     “Yes, I quite liked that one too. Though perhaps a different color than green if possible. It can be a bit harsh on the eyes after a while, and some of us are at our posts for hours at a time,” Lasil added helpfully, giving the gun back to Ryder.

     “Good point, I hadn’t considered that. Maybe a shade of blue instead of green then?” she asked, putting the gun back on the table and rubbing the back of her neck.

     Just as she opened her mouth to continue her questioning, Evfra cleared his throat gently, and they all whipped their heads around. The soldiers stood erect in his presence, while Ryder scanned him slowly, brow furrowed. He was leaning against a table, arms over his chest, one leg crossed over the other languorously, a small glint in his eye.

     “That’s enough for the night,” he said to the angarans, waving dismissively and watching them leave post-haste, though they took a moment to peek over their shoulders curiously as he approached Ryder.

     “Hey, been working on your rifle. Do me a favor: shoot a few rounds and tell me what you think?” she asked, back turned to him as she unloaded and reloaded the clip. “Incendiary ammo, a formula I tweaked a while ago, gives just a bit extra burn. Probably not Alliance reg standards, but pfffft. More fire, it’s a good thing.”

     “I’m done here for the evening, I came to get you,” he said with a wry smile, hands on her hips, sliding up her waist before wrapping them around her warmly, and nuzzled her neck.

     She froze for a moment, torn between shock at the sudden and unabashed affection, and her brain persistently tugging at her nerdy machinations. And it turned out nothing, not even the sexiest man alive, would change the fact that she was a nerd at heart. “... yeah, I know,” she nodded, patting his hand awkwardly before turning around to face him, and pushed the gun into his chest. “So shoot a few rounds for me and we can go.”

     Evfra grunted and looked down at the gun, and then back at her, a hand sneakily slipping underneath her sweatshirt to stroke her waist. “I can test it tomorrow.”

     “You can test it now before we leave,” she huffed, shivering at his touch and pressing the gun against him again.

     “I want to kiss you,” he said plainly, his mouth beginning to twist into a frown.

     “You can make my toes curl after you’ve shot the gun,” she said insistently with an arched brow, taking a step back. “I’ve been working on this all day. Test it, you stubborn ass.”

     He pursed his lips and glared at her for a few moments, before resentfully taking the gun from her hands and moving to one of the aisles. With a snort he turned the rifle over, feeling the new grip with interest, checking the ammo clip and noting the larger size, lifting it up and inspecting the new sights, and finally shot a full clip and watched the incendiary rounds do their magic. His brows raised and he turned back to her with a surprised expression.

     “Better overall. Efficient, comfortable, extra power, less recoil. You do have a gift.”

     Ryder just grinned widely and placed her hands on her hips. “Guns are easy. Pretty fun too. Gotta change the color of the sights though, been thinking about adding a silencer mod, muffle the noise a bit for ambushes or infiltrations.”

     Evfra considered her words and nodded in approval, putting the gun down on the table beside her, and instantly slid his hands underneath her sweatshirt again, pulling her in for a deep and hungry kiss. Ryder made a quiet noise, hands resting on his chest as she kissed him back warmly, toes curling in her boots right on time. Strange, her lips were still tingly. Maybe it wasn’t the drink after all, maybe it was him?

     “Better,” he murmured against her lips with a soft sigh, kissing her once more before giving her waist a gentle squeeze. “I have some reports to go over before we can do anything, but I can read them at home. You can bring your gun with you if you like, and finish working on it in my quarters.”

     “Sounds good,” she shrugged with a smile, stomach fluttering when he nuzzled her neck again.

     “Mm, so soft. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of touching you,” he smiled, dropping a quick kiss on her shoulder before removing his hands and wrapping an arm around her. “Let’s go.”

     It was a short walk to Evfra’s apartment, though she wasn’t surprised at the discovery. Considering how much time he spent at HQ, and how deeply invested he was in its well-being, was it a wonder he was only a stone’s throw away? Still, her stomach churned the entire way there, toolbox in hand and heart racing; acutely aware of his hand on her hip and the few passersby that stopped and stared shamelessly in shock. Clearly this was not a regular occurrence; him spending time with someone, being so familiar. It gave her a thrill, realizing how it made her stand out, but at the same time it was mortifying.

     It’d only been 24 hours since he sat down at her table. She’d barely had time to process it, she was pretty sure the reality of what happened still hadn’t sunk in. But there they were; together, in plain sight, where anyone who happened to be walking could see them. And he didn’t even seem to notice, didn’t give two shits about what anyone else was doing. Just walking her to his place, like it was a common, everyday thing.

     Oh no, not again. Here comes the nausea.

     Ryder let out a shaky breath when they got to his door, scrunching her nose when he kissed the top of her head and patted her bum, pushing her inside. She tilted her head and looked around curiously, wondering if anyone had ever seen the inside of his living space before. Somehow she doubted it. Yet he brought her like it was nothing. He really was a mystery. She furrowed her brow and took note of their surroundings, following him slowly.

     Hm. Something that might have been a kitchen on the left, though there wasn’t much to it. Unsurprising since most angarans only ate paste, not like it took much preparation. But there was a small bar, living room in front, what might be a bedroom at the end on the right. Bathroom probably that way too. It was spartan and somewhat bare, perfectly reflecting the Resistance leader’s nature. Everything in its place and a place for everything. Spotless, not a speck of dust or dirt anywhere. But one thing stood out, and her eyes were drawn to it almost instantly.

     At the far end of the room was a flowerpot, facing the balcony that wrapped his apartment. And in it, a single flower; large, star-like petals, a fiery shade of orange, with tinges of pink and yellow bleeding into the center. It was well cared for, and thriving wonderfully. Huh, she never would’ve guessed him to have a green thumb.

     Evfra sat down on the couch, reaching for a tablet on a side table, updating it and sighing as he began to read his report. He patted the spot beside him, and she looked at it doubtfully, lifting the toolbox into view. After a moment’s pause she pushed her lips out and shrugged, opting to sit down on the floor in front of him, unhooking the rifle at her side, and laying it front of her, legs splayed out comfortably.

     A quiet, annoyed sigh could be heard behind her as she opened the toolbox, tongue peeking out of her mouth as she filched through the different tools. “... sit beside me.”

     “Can’t work up there, not comfortably. I’d end up elbowing you half the time, and I already know you’d grumble and complain,” she smirked, turning on her omni-tool to scan the gun again, tapping a few buttons as she took notes on her work so far.

     “I can’t reach you from here,” he huffed, pursing his lips as he bore holes into the top of her head.

     “Not my problem, handsome,” she chuckled distractedly, shaking her head as she slowly took the gun apart, reaching for a cloth so she could clean each piece thoroughly.

     “... I shouldn’t have given you that gun,” he muttered, rolling his eyes and sighing as he nudged her back. “Move forward.”

     Ryder nodded with a soft laugh, scooching a bit, and shivered when she felt him slip behind her, legs bordering hers, and a hand assertively sliding over her stomach. “No you shouldn’t have. Ah well, too late.”

     Evfra frowned as he peered over her shoulder, stroking her skin gently, and kissed the nape of her neck with a defeated sigh before turning back to his reports. “Consider it a lesson learned. You are surprisingly hard-headed.”

     “Pfft, no more than you are. Besides, kinda nice to have something to focus on besides your… all of this,” she admitted with a rueful smile, shaking her head and letting out a shaky breath as she felt his hand push underneath her tanktop, fingers pressing into her back idly. She winced and sucked in a sharp breath, lips pursing tightly. “Shit, easy on the back. That dummy was harder than I thought.”

     He opened his mouth to speak, but fell silent as he furrowed his brow, trying to push up her sweatshirt, finally giving it an impatient tug. “Let me see.”

     “Huh? Okay,” she shrugged, putting down the part she was working on, and quickly pulled off her sweatshirt, tossing it to the side.

     “And this,” he added, picking at her tanktop with annoyance.

     Ryder rolled her eyes and pulled it over her head with a hand, the cooling night air hitting her and making her shudder. His hand slowly ran over her back, large bruises spotting her skin; some pinkening, some purpling, some tinged with green. A gasp escaped his lips and he frowned, squeezing her waist so she’d turn around to face him. “That was from last night? You didn’t get it treated?” he asked with clear disapproval, his fingers trailing along her skin with extra care.

     “And get in shit with Lexi, you kidding me?” she scoffed, waving dismissively at his grumpy concern. “She’s a smart cookie; stopped letting us have free access to medi-gel. Why? Cause when she cut me off, people just pilfered it for me. So she cut us all off. Now if I want a quick mending, she has to know about it. And she wants to see it. So… we’re healing this old school; with time.”

     “Angara don’t bruise this easily, it looks painful. Is it?” he inquired warily, bending over to kiss her back with feather-lightness.

     “Eh, back’s stiff, bit tender, but I’m fine. I’ve had worse, trust me,” she laughed, biting her lip and smiling as she squeezed his leg. “Sorry to disappoint, but there’s no perfect, flawless body here. Mine gets put through the ringer on a daily basis. Price you pay for saving the galaxy or some shit.”

     Evfra gazed at her back discerningly when she shifted and went back to cleaning, fingers lightly trailing and tracing her bruises. “I’m not disappointed. They speak of your determination, your willingness to push your limits without complaint. They’re beautiful,” he murmured, dropping a few more kisses along her neck before sighing contentedly and finishing his reports.

     “So fucking suave,” she chuckled, rubbing her cheek with embarrassment. “Seriously, who are you even?”

     He smiled to himself and continued to rub her back lightly as he read, allowing them to settle into a comfortable and almost familiar silence. It took longer than expected for him to finish, but Ryder didn’t really notice, easily focusing on her project for the day, taking notes and attempting to acclimate to his persistent wandering hands.

     His touch was warm, literally, spreading heat wherever his fingers roamed, and they roamed freely. His exploration simply picked up where it left off from the night before, just as carefully and intimately as ever, even though his mind was on the constant updates he kept receiving; giving instructions and approving plans with tireless focus. She could never quite get used to it though, her stomach fluttering and shivers being sent up her spine every now and then, face scrunching when he dropped an idle kiss in some unexpected spot.

     It wasn’t until she started yawning and rubbing her eyes that his attention drew to her fully, and he put down the tablet, and pulled her in close. “Mm, this took longer than planned,” he said apologetically, nuzzling her neck and smiling when he noticed a couple new modifications on the rifle. “We should have an early night. Tomorrow I’ll make sure to have my evening cleared properly.”

     She bit her lip and smiled, leaning back against him and rubbing his arm gently, squeezing it when he nibbled her neck. “Yeah, got two hours of sleep if I was lucky,” she answered sheepishly, turning around to kiss him lazily and deeply when he nudged her jaw with his nose. “Mm, I better head back.”

     Evfra snorted and arched a brow, a leg slowly resting on her lap as he held her tighter. “No, you’re staying here.”

     “Oh am I?” she asked with amusement, shuddering when he leaned in for a hungry, possessive kiss.

     “I only have two nights left before you leave. I want the memory of holding you in my arms, and waking up with you next to me,” he muttered with annoyance, kissing her again before nipping her neck firmly, as though the gesture was enough to make his point.

     Ryder groaned and chuckled, wrapping her arms around him tightly and resting against him with a sigh. “Yeah, yeah, okay. How in hell am I gonna say no? I’d have to be an idiot to.”

     “You would,” he agreed tersely, though he relented and gave her a small smile when she narrowed her eyes at him. “Come on, you need rest, and this way I can ensure you’ll actually get it. Stubborn ass.”

     She laughed in surprise to hear him echo her words, taking his hand and getting up with a soft groan, stretching carefully as she felt her tight muscles make angry noises throughout her body. “Yeah, rest. Like I’m gonna get any next to you. Fucking butterflies will keep me up all night.”

     Evfra smirked as he laced their fingers, leading her to bedroom behind them. “I can think of worse ways to lose sleep.”

     Ryder bit her lip and scrunched her nose, a flush quickly rising to her cheeks. “... yeah, so can I.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (5/3) A/N: Heh. Heh. Heh. I'm evil, and I'm okay with that. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the much anticipated re-encounter between Evfra and Ryder! It'll be a bit longer for the next chapter I think, will be working on the Jaal/Ryder story, might get two more chapters out for it before I work on this. 
> 
> And in the words of Gil, "You are great, you are badass" and I hope you're having a fantastic day so far ;) <3


	6. Sunrise *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW (Nudity/Sexuality)
> 
> Ryder spends the night at Evfra's, and fails to teach him the #1 rule on the Tempest: If it's earlier than 10am, get the eff away from her. But she quickly learns, to her chagrin, that there's no teaching an old dog new tricks. Though she discovers he does have a few tricks of his own...

* * *

 

 

     Surprisingly enough, Ryder didn’t have any trouble sleeping that night, in fact she slept like a baby, for the first time in a long time. It was the way his body wrapped around hers, the way his fingers lightly caressed a breast as her eyelids grew heavier, the way his head nestled in the crook of her neck, as though wanting to breathe her in. And between them, the faintest hum of electricity she couldn’t quite explain. It was more than static; it was the gentlest pulse, flowing through her, and back into him. It was… she’d never felt anything like it before, but there was something deeply and incredibly comforting in it.

     That was, until he woke her up.

     It started with lips grazing her neck, arms that pulled her in tighter, a finger brushing back and forth her nipple teasingly. She made a soft noise and rolled further away from him, but his body simply followed hers. She could vaguely hear a husky chuckle as Evfra’s hand cupped her breast properly, giving it a light squeeze as he dropped kisses along her shoulder. “Mm, what do you want?” she asked with a muffled groan, rubbing her face back and forth into the pillow tiredly.

     “Apart from you?” he murmured in her ear, propping himself up and stroking her hair idly.

     “... what time is it?” Ryder huffed, turning her face so she could be heard clearly, though her voice was raspy and dry.

     “Before sunrise.” Evfra scratched her scalp gently, winding a wavy curl around his finger, a small smile beginning to lift the edge of his mouth.

     “Fuck off then,” she muttered, nudging him with a shoulder, and settled onto her stomach, trying to shrug him off when once again his body moved with hers.

     Undeterred, his hand slid out from underneath her and stroked her waist, slowly and sensuously. “I want to watch it.”

     Ryder shivered at his touch, though it only elicited some annoyed, incomprehensible noises. “Well go on, and take your wandering hands with you. I’m sleeping.”

     “With you,” he growled, though there was a smirk on his face as he nipped her neck, slowly sliding his arms underneath her, nudging her onto her side.

     “Is it ten o’clock?” she grumbled, blindly attempting to elbow his side as he scooped her up, blanket and all.

     “No,” he said smugly, lifting her out of bed as if she weighed nothing, and carried her out onto the balcony, settling onto a lounge chair just beyond the doors.

     Ryder huffed and glared at him when he sat down, snorting when he smoothed her hair, and wrapped the blanket around herself tightly as she nestled against him begrudgingly. “You’re such an asshole. If there was an airlock, I’d space you out of it. I don’t get up till ten.”

     “Not when you’re with me,” Evfra said indifferently, a hand wrapping around her neck and kissing her forehead, before coaxing her blanket loose. “I want to spend time with you before I go.”

     “You really just don’t give a fuck, do you?” she laughed huskily, narrowing her eyes with amusement before she slowly opened the blanket up a smidge, allowing his hand to roam her naked torso freely.

     “No,” he smirked, bending down to kiss her deeply, rumbling in approval when she sat up straighter, kissing him back without hesitation, the blanket slowly slipping down her shoulder.

     Ryder grunted and nipped a neck fold when their lips parted, sliding back into position comfortably as her fingers ran along his stomach. “Such a jerk,” she murmured, scrunching her nose when he kissed the side of her head, gasping quietly when his hand found its way back to her breast, tracing it idly.

     “So sensitive,” he murmured, ignoring her jabs while he ran a knuckle curiously back and forth against her nipple, an amused smile on his face when she made a muffled noise.

     “I’m beginning to feel like a cat with the way you pet me,” she said wryly, slowly wrapping an arm around his waist as she curled up against him further, her back facing the breathtaking view.

     Evfra tilted his head and frowned curiously, lightly rubbing her back when she shivered with the breeze, his fingers quick to spread heat along her body. “What is a cat?”

     “A pet from home. Small mammal; snobby, independent, and very soft. They’ll curl up in your lap and people stroke their fur. It’s relaxing,” she said, yawning and rubbing her eyes grumpily, sitting up straight for a moment, only to shift to the other side so she could see the landscape stretching beyond the balcony.

     “Mm. And what do you call their offspring?” he mused, keeping her close with one arm, as his other brushed back and forth along her inner thigh idly.

     “The babies? Kittens. Extra fluffy, big eyes, cutest little mewls, I’ll show you images later,” she murmured, toes curling when his fingers slowly trailed further up her thigh, the faintest vein of electricity traveling straight to her-- Ryder’s hips shuddered for a moment and she gasped, narrowing her eyes warily. “... did you just do what I think you just did?”

     Evfra smiled serenely, though there was an unmistakable twinkle in his eye. “Oh? Did you feel something?” he asked innocently, the corner of his mouth twitching as he fought a smirk.

     Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened as she let out a disbelieving scoff. “ _... really_. Bioelectricity, huh?”

     “You only just noticed now?” he asked dryly, rolling his eyes as he pressed a finger into her thigh gently, sending another light twinge of electricity directly towards the apex between her thighs, making her whimper and punch him in the chest. “I’ve been experimenting, seeing how sensitive you were. And you’re deliciously sensitive. Can’t give you more than I would a baby.”

     “Humans are something like… 60 percent water. One big conductor of electricity,” she chuckled, uncurling her toes as she pushed his hand away from between her thighs, smirking at him distrustfully. “So it’s been you? Tingling when we kiss, heat from your hands, when we were sleeping that… pulsing thing, that was bioelectricity? Huh.”

     Evfra watched her discerningly, fingers running along her jaw and down her neck, opening his mouth hesitantly after a few moments. “Do you dislike it?”

     “No, it’s… I don’t know, I’ve never felt anything like it. Feels good though, coming from you, I guess,” she said bashfully, laughing when he turned her head towards him and kissed her warmly.

     “Good,” he whispered against her lips, sighing wistfully, and kissing her again when the sun finally started to come up. “It’s natural for angara; a means of communication, connection, affection.”

     “Mm, long as the current’s not too strong, I can take it. God knows I’ve been a static mess for weeks now,” Ryder mused with a smile, shaking her head and wondering if she was in some alternate universe. Wasn’t it just a day ago, a few days ago that her mind had been fixed on someone else? That she’d been an overly emotional confused mess? And yet here she was; half-naked, curled up in another man’s arms, with no thoughts in her head but Evfra. What was it about him that had her wrapped around his pinky like this?

     “You’re thinking of me again. Share,” he smiled knowingly, raising a knee as his eyes fell on the horizon, rubbing her waist gently.

     Ryder let out a shaky sigh as she sat up a bit straighter, wrapping an arm around his shoulder as she stared at him; eyes roaming his face, his naked torso, everything about the scene around them. “Dunno. Just… wondering how I got here. How this is happening. I barely know anything about you. And it’s _you_ , and you’re still here. Not in a million years--”

     Evfra rolled his eyes and laughed quietly and gruffly, patting her bum lightly as he leaned in to kiss her softly. “You think too much.”

     “Yeah, I know,” she muttered, scrunching her nose with embarrassment when he nuzzled her neck.

     “It’s simple. You feel it, I feel it, so we’re here,” he shrugged nonchalantly, though he watched her in silence for a while before pressing a finger on her jaw, turning her face towards him. “Still, I can’t remember the last time someone seized my heart so forcefully. I’d thought… but it seems it’s still possible after all.”

     “God, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that; your words. So effortless, wish I could do that,” Ryder smiled ruefully, leaning in to kiss him warmly, watching the sun begin to rise, fingers idly tracing the protrusions on his chest.

     “And yet you didn’t need any to capture my attention, hm? Just as well, you’re terrible with them,” he retorted, giving her bum a gentle squeeze as he leaned back into the chair comfortably.

     Ryder punched his stomach lightly before settling against him, giving him an unimpressed side glance. “Yeah, I know. I think we all know by now.”

     “‘You’re an ass’? Words that have never been uttered in central headquarters before. And yet… your boldness only added to your allure,” Evfra chuckled, shaking his head with amusement as he recalled their conversation at the HQ. “However, that is the last time I give you a distraction. It worked far too well.”

     “Oh get over it, the gun is better. And if it’s better then maybe you can improve all of them. And then it’s better for the Resistance, which is better for you.” Ryder shrugged indifferently, giving him a mirthful but suspicious side-eye when his hands began to stroke the underside of her thigh with long, slow movements. “Seriously, I’m just your new house-pet, aren’t I?”

     “My kitten, perhaps,” he smirked, a hand pressing against her back as he kissed her lazily. “Why complain when we both know you enjoy being touched as much as I enjoy touching you?”

     Ryder scrunched her nose and gave him a disapproving stare, before sniffing audibly and nuzzling his neck at the last minute. “Ugh. _Such_ an ass.”

     “You seem to say that whenever I’m right. I suppose I should get accustomed to your pathetic attempts at insults, in that case,” he said wryly, giving a raspy chuckle when she punched his chest and wrapped her arms around his waist. “So your evening is mine, but what will you do with your day?”

     “Go back to the ship, get changed, shower. Probably catch up with Gil. After that… go over the list of missions and try to plan what we’re going to do when we leave tomorrow. I have some… I’ve got some business to clear up,” she said slowly, brow furrowed as her mind drifted to exactly what that business was.

 _Reyes_.

     There was something about that roguish charm she could never be fully immune to, even though she knew, better than most, that the trail of women he left behind him was long. So, _so_ long. And the last time she’d talked to him… well, they hadn’t exactly been talking. They’d been kissing. A lot. So much. In the storeroom, on the roof…

     She hadn’t meant for it to happen, but after more hot and cold signals from Jaal, she’d thrown her hands in the air and given up. Sure, she didn’t trust Reyes as far as she could throw him, but at least his flirting made sense. And it was clear. And direct. And after all the effort she’d put into trying to understand the purple angaran, spending time with Reyes had been a welcome relief. Except now she was here. With Evfra. Was she channeling her brother right now? She’d never found herself in such a tangled and sticky position before.

     Well, maybe not tangled. Or that sticky. If she were brutally honest with herself, Evfra had won the moment he showed up. And somehow he knew it, even before she did. _Dick_.

     Evfra sighed with annoyance, lips pursed with disapproval when he squeezed her waist, a bit more roughly than he’d intended. “Another man? Really? How many have you strung along before I arrived?”

     Her cheeks quickly flushed and she coughed awkwardly, staring at him with disbelief. “What the hell, how can you always tell what I’m thinking?”

     “Nothing escapes my notice, and I’ve been watching you from the moment I sat down,” he snorted, frowning even as he caressed her cheek lightly. “Should I be concerned?”

     “What? No! I mean, a lot of stuff happened before all… this,” she waved vaguely, shrinking under his stern and unflinching gaze. “Not this kind of stuff, you’re the only one-- it’s complicated.”

     “No it’s not, I’m here,” he waved dismissively, his arms tightening around her possessively, causing her to give him a wry side glance.

     “Alright, alright. It _was_ complicated. Now it’s embarrassingly simple,” she relented, cupping his cheeks and kissing him deeply, laughing when he nipped her neck firmly. “Lord, can’t stand my attention being on anyone but you for even a second, huh?”

     “No,” he said plainly, snorting as a hand started to wander the length of her body, as if making sure that he’d memorized her from head to toe.

     “Ugh, you’re gonna give me trouble, aren’t you?” Ryder smirked, kissing him again as his fingers teased her inner thigh. “I’ve got a bad feeling about this.”

     Evfra rolled his eyes, although he kissed her warmly, giving her leg a gentle squeeze as the sun hung in the sky pleasantly. “And yet you’re still here. So shut up and stop overthinking,” he quipped dryly, a small and knowing smile hanging in the corner of his mouth. “I need to get ready. I’ll make sure my evening is cleared, but don’t bother visiting the HQ; I can’t afford the distraction.”

     “Oh, am I a distraction?” she asked playfully, wrapping the blanket around her as she stood up and stretched, smoothing her hair as she started to hunt for her clothes.

     “You know you are,” he growled, pausing for a moment to admire her, eyes traveling down as the blanket fell to the floor.

     “I’m starting to get an inkling.” Ryder turned back to him and smirked, slipping into her pants one leg at a time, brow arched as he simply stood there and watched her. “Jesus, who could get used to this? You’re just… _on_. All the time. So fucking intense.”

     Evfra shrugged indifferently, tilting his head and snorting with disapproval when she reached for her bra. “ _No_. Pointless.”

     “Come on, you really expect me to walk around all day, boobs hanging out?” she asked with an amused shake of her head, though she just balled it up and shoved it in her pocket.

     “Yes. You’re on shore leave, there is no need to ‘strap yourself in’. And I would touch you freely, without any useless barriers,” he retorted sharply, finally entering the bedroom as he slid into his clothes.

     Ryder chuckled and put her hands up in resignation, pulling her tank top on and sighing quietly. “Yeah, yeah. So demanding.”

     When he finished changing, he crossed his arms over his chest, watching her slip on her jacket, and moved closer to give her a deep and languorous kiss. “Mm. Meet me here at seven.”

     “Seven, got it,” she murmured, standing on her tiptoes as she reached for another kiss before they made for the door. “I’d say have a good day at work but it’s never exactly a good day for the Resistance, is it?”

     “It isn’t,” he said flatly, lips pursed as his mind slowly shifted back towards his people, a hand loosely around her hip as they walked towards the HQ.

     “Alright, well I’m gonna head to the Tempest. Try not to chew too many people’s heads off, will you?” she teased, grinning widely when he arched an eyebrow and gave her a blank stare. “Yeah, yeah, I know; don’t tell you how to do your job.”

     A smile tugged at the edge of his mouth, though it didn’t reveal itself outright. “So, you _are_ capable of being observant after all. I’m relieved.”

     “Aaand with that you killed the moment,” she groaned, shaking her head as she gave him a vague wave, trudging back to her ship, rolling her eyes and muttering.

     “Remember, seven o’clock. Don’t be late.”

     “Oh my god, now you’re just doing it to piss me off!” she called out, picking up her pace so she’d be out of hearing range.

     About five minutes later she was heading up the ramp of the Tempest, when Gil suddenly grabbed her by the hand and dragged her towards her quarters, the widest of grins on his face. “You do realize you’ve caused a scandal, right?” he asked, tugging her onto the bed as he flopped onto his stomach, face propped up with his hands. “You were gone all night, _again_. Everyone noticed.”

     Ryder’s eyes widened and she groaned, falling back onto the bed, and tossed him one of her pillows. “Shit, I didn’t even think about that.”

     “Of course you didn’t, you were too busy getting a mouthful or twenty of the hottest angaran on Aya,” he snerkled, shifting the pillow underneath his elbows and sighed wistfully. “So, you end up sleeping with him? Haven’t heard about anyone getting it on with an angaran. Gotta say, I’m pretty curious.”

     “Aren’t we all,” she said dryly, rubbing her stomach thoughtfully, a twinkle in her eye as she recalled the previous evening. “Didn’t sleep with him, did sleep beside him though. That man is handsy. I mean… _handsy_. So be forewarned if you catch an angaran’s eye: we’re super soft to them, and they’re not afraid to show how much they appreciate that.”

     “Can’t wait,” he grinned, legs splayed and feet hanging over the edge as he watched her; cheeks flushed and a smile that she couldn’t quite get rid of. “So, he turned out to be a mush-fest behind closed doors?”

     “Uh… he’s really affectionate, but he’s still a dick,” she smirked, rolling onto her side so she could face the engineer properly. “I mean, he’s intense, like what the hell. Eyes and hands on me at all times, makes my toes curl. But at the same time he’s just… he’s still gruff, still demanding, still critical, and now I think he’s starting to enjoy pissing me off. What a lovely addition that’ll be.”

     Gil snorted and waved dismissively, eyes sparkling with mischief as he hugged the pillow tightly. “Oh shut up, who even gives a shit when you’ve got free reign over a man like that? And when you’ve clearly got his attention so exclusively. No, you don’t get to complain about anything. Seriously.”

     Ryder laughed and nodded, picking at the blanket idly as she grinned back at him. “No, no, you’re right. After everything that’s happened since I got out of cryo… I’ll take that insane focus any day. Doesn’t leave any room for doubt; it’s perfectly clear how much he’s into me, and how little he’s into anyone else.”

     “Ugh, does he have a brother that’s single and into smart-assed, engineering card-sharks?” he asked with a laugh, rolling onto his back and hugging the pillow to his chest, smiling when she followed suit.

     “I’ll ask, you never know. I mean, I don’t know anything about him, really,” she mused with a slight frown, and they both stared at the ceiling quietly.

     “Eh, it’ll unfold in its own time. Don’t rush it, just let it happen. Can’t blame anyone for being guarded, especially when they suddenly find themselves neck-deep in electric chemistry,” he shrugged indifferently.

     “Yeah, true,” she sighed, rubbing her cheek and scrunching her nose as she tried to wrap her brain around the last couple days.

     “This has been one hell of a shore leave, I’ll tell you that,” he said with a smile, elbowing her side gently. “Wonder what’s gonna happen after we leave.”

     Ryder shrugged and raised her knees slowly, planting her feet flat on the mattress. “No idea, but I’m seeing him again tonight. Another sleepover. Because of course, he’s already claimed any spare time we have that coincides.”

     “You know people are gonna ask; what will you say?” Gil asked with a mischievous grin, rubbing the back of his neck and sighing.

     “... I have no fucking clue,” she murmured with a furrowed brow, a strange knot beginning to form in her stomach. “I don’t even know what to say to myself.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (5/9) A/N: Whoo! Hold onto your knickers, we'll be delving into proper smut territory in the next chapter, no escaping it this time XD
> 
> Forewarned, this won't be a smut-filled story, but explicit adult scenes will be smattered throughout. Given that a physical connection is the easiest for them to slip into, there's no point in tip-toeing around it, and who isn't a little curious? ;) 
> 
> Thanks so much for your patience, and for the love you guys have shown the story thus far. Seriously boggles the mind, and I'll never stop being grateful <3 
> 
> Next chapter should be out in a few days, all things going well. Busy for the next couple nights so 'graphic adulty fun writing times' is gonna be limited XD


	7. Sunset *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW (Explicit Sexuality)
> 
> Ryder freshens up on the Tempest before she meets Evfra, and finds herself cornered by her female crewmates, looking for answers. But it's out of the frying pan and into the fire, because Evfra surprises her with a change of plans, and she gives him a surprise of her own...

* * *

 

 

     The word had been buzzing around the Tempest for the last couple of days: Ryder hadn’t come home. _Twice_. Such an event was completely unheard of, particularly for the introverted, socially awkward, nose-in-a-book-or-up-an-engine Pathfinder. She’d been doing a very skillful job avoiding the crew as she waited to meet up with Evfra later on their last night, but the girls had had enough. Time for some answers.

     “Ryder, out with it. _Now_ ,” Peebee said flatly, stepping into the bathroom with Cora, Vetra and Suvi; arms crossed over her chest as they stood in front of the stall where the Pathfinder was showering.

     “Jesus, what the fuck!” she yelped, slipping on the tile as she tiptoed and peered over the door. “What the hell are you guys doing?”

     “Something’s going on, and we’re here to find out what,” Cora smirked, tipping her head curiously. “You’ve never disappeared for days like this, and now you’re avoiding us? Come on, spill the beans.”

     “No!” Ryder exclaimed with a huff, turning around and standing underneath the hot, steaming water, reaching for some shampoo. “Nothing’s happened, and there’s nothing to talk about.”

     Vetra chuckled huskily, propping her chin up with a hand as she shook her head in amusement. “Ryder, you are one hell of a bad liar. No wonder Gil took you to the cleaners. Something definitely happened, and I’m thinking it’s a guy.”

     “Or a girl,” Peebee suggested with a shrug, eyes twinkling mischievously as she leaned against the stall door. “I want all the juicy details. Who, what, when, where, how many times, all the positions. _Everything_.”

     “Peebee!” Suvi gasped, laughing as she rubbed the back of her neck. “Leave a girl some secrets of her own.”

     “What’s the fun in that?” the asari sighed, making a face at the science officer before smirking. “I mean it’s fine, it’s safe, it’s just between us girls. Right?”

     The women nodded in silent agreement, their eyes honing back in on the shower stall, which had gone eerily quiet as Ryder froze in a panic, trying to figure out what to do. Her fingers slowly worked into her scalp, chewing her lip and feeling like a cornered animal as her crewmates hovered outside. “Guys, there’s nothing to talk about. Seriously.”

     “Then where’ve you been?” Vetra asked dryly, a smile hanging in the corner of her mouth as she leaned against a sink. “Cause you’ve been out all night. _Twice_. If you’re not here, you’re somewhere.”

     “I was… out,” she said, her voice faltering and hesitant, making a shit-eating grin spread on Peebee’s face.

     “... uh-huh. And who were you out with?” the asari asked sweetly, knocking on the stall door gently.

     “With… someone.” Two words. They were raspy, forced, and it took everything Ryder had just to get them out as she stepped back under the streaming water and rinsed her hair.

     “Uh-huh. A she-someone, or a he-someone?” she persisted impishly, waving the girls off dismissively as they gave her reproachful looks.

     “Um…”

     “C’mon sweetie, it’s easy. He, or she?”

     “... he.”

     Peebee and Suvi cursed and sighed, while Cora and Vetra smirked knowingly. “Dammit, that’s another we owe Gil. Really thought it’d be a girl,” the asari muttered resentfully, resting a hand on her hip.

     “Wait, you guys have been taking bets on it??” Ryder’s voice raised as she turned off the water and finally opened the shower door, staring at them all incredulously, towel tucked tightly across her chest.

     “It’s what we do,” Vetra shrugged indifferently, rubbing her chin and winking when Ryder scrunched her nose and headed back to her quarters, sighing when the women trailed after her. “It’s all friendly, no big deal.”

     “I can’t believe he’d-- who started it?” She stopped herself before she suggested that Gil knew anything, and turned around, eyeing them all suspiciously. When they settled inside and the door closed behind them, she went to the closet and tried to figure out what to wear, acutely aware of four extra pairs of eyes on her.

     Peebee raised her hand shamelessly, pursing her lips thoughtfully as she tilted her head. “... don’t know you as well as I thought I did, Ryder. I had a bet going with Gil for weeks that you’d end up with Jaal. I was so certain-- so when you disappeared and Jaal was still here, I thought, well then it has to be a chick. Who else is gonna turn your head from that delicious purple piece?”

     Ryder snorted and gritted her teeth for a moment, pulling out a sleeveless loose shirt and a fitted pair of shorts, and tossed them on the bed before staring hard at the angelic-faced asari. “You were so certain I’d end up with him? How? Considering you were pretty much already there, what chance did I have?”

     “... are you serious?” the asari asked with a deadpan stare, looking back at the other women in confusion. “Sweetie, I flirt with everyone, you included. It’s what I do, doesn’t mean anything. Not like he was flirting back; he made it pretty clear where his interest was.”

     “Yeah, okay,” she rolled her eyes in disbelief, untucking her towel and drying off her hair, indifferent towards her nudity, and reached for her shorts. “Well maybe he made it clear to you, but he sure as hell didn’t make it clear to me. All I saw was how much he was into _you_ , over and over till I just gave the fuck up.”

     Peebee sighed and ran a hand along her head tendrils, shaking her head as she scuffed the floor. “That loveable idiot. Tried to tell him humans weren’t open like us, that it could be taken the wrong way… really screwed himself on this one.”

     “I’m sure he’ll survive, he can find comfort in your beautiful blue bosom,” Ryder quipped, sliding into her shorts and fastening them quickly, then threw the sleeveless silk shirt over her head. She flopped onto the bed and reached for her towel again, drying her hair out a bit more thoroughly.

     “He could, if it was the bosom he wanted,” the asari muttered, stretching out onto the bed beside her, and leaned back onto her arms. “Look, you’re just dodging the subject. We know who it isn’t, we want to know who managed to find comfort in _your_ bosom.”

     Suvi raised her hand hesitantly, a cheeky smile on her face as she sat on the edge of the couch. “Anyone notice what I just noticed? Tell me someone did.”

     Cora licked her lower lip and smirked, resting her weight on a hip as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. “Oh, I did. Was just too polite to point it out.”

     “What?” Ryder asked defensively, jerking her head back as her hand slowed down, the towel hovering on the side of her head.

     Vetra and Peebee exchanged knowing glances before the turian finally nodded her head towards Ryder. “No underwear.”

     “Of _any_ kind!” Peebee gasped dramatically, lifting a hand to her chest before she leaned in and nudged Ryder. “Easy access, huh? This guy of yours must have a serious appetite…”

     “... oh my god,” Ryder groaned, covering her face with her hands, hiding the bright pink that had transformed her normally caramel-colored cheeks.

     “Bet you’ve been saying that a lot the last couple days,” Cora smirked mercilessly, laughing when the Pathfinder gave her a wide-eyed stare. “Oh come on, what else is gonna keep you away for two whole days, barely coming up for air?”

     She opened her mouth to protest, to deny, to say something, _anything_ , but nothing came out. What was she supposed to tell them? How would she even begin to explain? How would they not all think she was crazy? Evfra had pulled her into a hazy, rumbly-voiced, kiss-swollen, sensually exploring world from the first night they landed. He’d captured her focus so singularly and forcefully, it hadn’t occurred to her what might happen after she left, what it might mean, what would happen.

     Were they dating? Was this just some crazy torrid affair? The way he talked, it didn’t sound like it. In fact, it sounded like he had no intention of letting her go, period. Not that she had a problem with it. That man made her body heat up, her mind go foggy, and her stomach flutter like mad in a way no one else had before. And there was something both comfortable and comforting about his presence, strange yet familiar. Even if he did like to push her buttons and get under her skin in the most annoying ways possible.

     “Look at her, she’s positively dreamy,” Suvi said with a wide grin, tilting her head as she leaned her arms on the back of the couch. “Come on, share. Who doesn’t enjoy a good racy, heart-stopping story?”

     “I for one am damned curious to know who the hell could turn you from your near-obsessive crush on Jaal,” Vetra said dryly, the end of her mouth curling at Ryder’s accusing glare. “Oh come on, we all knew, except for maybe him. He’s a bit dense, and you were such a spazz, made you even harder to read.”

     “Look, you don’t wanna say outright, fine. I’m guessing it’s new, like really new. Fair. Let’s make a bit of a game of it, okay? We ask a question, you answer a question, and we get to know a bit more about how this guy managed to whisk you away into a sinful hermitage,” Peebee smiled, sitting up and leaning against Ryder gently. “And we promise, no bets, no gossip. What you tell us here will not leave this room. Right guys?”

     They all nodded in agreement as the girls settled down in the room; Vetra leaning against the back of the couch, Suvi sitting backwards on the couch and leaning over the edge, and Cora taking a seat on the opposite corner of the bed. Ryder looked at them all doubtfully, rubbing her cheek and pushing her fingers into it before finally nodding. “... okay. But I’ve gotta go soon, so make them count.”

     “Alright, me first: do we know him?” Peebee asked with a childish grin, crossing her legs and tucking them comfortably on the mattress.

     “Yes.”

     Cora’s eyes narrowed shrewdly and she tilted her head, tossing a pillow towards Suvi’s silent, reaching arms. “But he’s not on the Tempest, we’ve all been accounted for. Does he live here or is he visiting?”

     “He lives here,” she answered hesitantly, licking her lower lip and clasping her fingers tightly on her lap.

     “Is he angaran, or one of the Initiative?” Suvi asked, hugging the pillow to her chest, wiggling a bit in excitement as the mystery began to unfurl.

     Ryder froze for a moment, lips pursed as she began to worry; would they figure it out? They were all sharp as daggers, but there’s no way any of them would believe it. Evfra’s sour, snarky reputation preceded himself, and was already well known to at least the higher levels of the Initiative. “Angaran.”

     The women stopped and exchanged furtive and puzzled glances in silence.

     “But we know him?” Peebee asked with a mild frown, scratching the side of her neck and staring at her fingers. “We don’t know that many angara, do we guys?”

     “Could be one of the soldiers, I know quite a few of them by name,” Cora suggested after a moment. “Could be an angaran that one of us know, not necessarily all of us.”

     “That makes sense, unfortunately I actually know a couple dozen of them, from trade talk and sharing scuttlebutt around the market,” Vetra sighed, crossing an arm over her chest, as her other tapped her leg thoughtfully.

     “Another angaran guy though, almost seems like you have a type,” Suvi teased, laughing when Ryder stuck her tongue out and threw a pillow at her head. “Hey! They’re a beautiful race, have you seen their women? Not like I’m blaming you.”

     “Okay, let’s stew on that for a while, and move on to where you've been. What happened?” Cora said after a moment's thought, crossing her arms over her chest, lips purse mildly.

     “I went to the Tavetaan for a drink the first night. He was there, sat down. And… that's it.” Ryder's cheeks flushed and she scrunched her nose, offering them a shy smile and a sheepish shrug.

     “... that's it. You had a drink together and you've spent all your free time with him since?” Peebee replied with a blank stare, huffing and motioning with her hand impatiently. “You're skipping all the good stuff. You gotta give us more than that.”

     “Yeah you didn't just have a drink and end up in bed together. Or… did you?” Suvi asked curiously, leaning forward and resting her chin on the back of the couch. “I wouldn't have thought you _that_ impulsive, but you can never tell, if the right person comes along.”

     “No, it… I don't know. It's happened all so fast,” Ryder admitted breathlessly, rubbing the back of her neck. “It started in the Tavetaan, then we sparred in the barracks--”

     “So he's a soldier. Part of the Resistance, that narrows it down some,” Vetra mused, stroking her chin with a small smile. “Did you win, or did you let him win?”

     Ryder scoffed and made a face at the turian, who chuckled throatily, and picked at the edge of her shorts. “Like I'd let anyone win. I guess I did, wasn't really a proper match, I was pretty drunk.”

     “You're the only person I know, apart from me and Drack, that would try to fight when blind drunk,” Peebee sighed proudly, giving the Pathfinder a warm pat on the back. “I'm sure that got his blood boiling, in the best way possible.”

     “Yeah, it kinda did, if I think about it,” she chuckled, tucking her legs on the bed.

     “So after you fought, what then?” Cora asked with a wistful smile, stretching out onto her stomach, propping her head up with her hands.

     “Then we went swimming,” she replied, biting her lip as she smiled. “Naked. Turns out the angara don't do bathing suits.”

     Peebee groaned and flopped back on the bed, rubbing her stomach as her eyes grew distant. “Tell me there's a public pool somewhere here. Cause if there is I vote we make that the first thing we do next time we come here.”

     “I am not skinny-dipping with a bunch of strangers,” Cora laughed, blushing at the mere idea.

     “I will,” Suvi quipped, raising her hand up cheerfully.

     “I'm out,” Vetra said dryly, shaking her head with amusement. “Although I do think we should do something next shore leave, just us girls.”

     “Agreed, we haven't done anything together since we've been on the Tempest. I think it'd be fun, don't you?” Cora asked mildly, looking around as she turned onto her side.

     “Yeah, next downtime we’ll figure something out,” Ryder nodded with a smile, looking at the bright faces smiling back at her. There was a small ache in her stomach, half-wishing she could tell them more, and half-petrified, still wanting to cling to the soft dreamy edges that had been this long weekend.

     “Pathfinder, you have a new email, from Evfra Tershaav,” Sam said quietly in her ear.

     “What time is it?” she asked aloud, checking her omni-tool. 6:30pm. No, she wasn’t late, was he cancelling? “What’s it say, Sam?”

     “Oh come on, you two are no fun. You got an email from your guy, I’d bet Drack’s last lung on it. Share with the rest of the class,” Peebee whined teasingly, poking Ryder in the side.

     “He’s arranged a shuttle for you. He says go to the docks now, they know where to go. He’ll meet you there,” Sam continued in her head, all too aware of Ryder’s self-consciousness, and she was endlessly grateful he knew to be discreet.

     “Nope, done sharing for now,” Ryder grinned, standing up and stretching with a soft groan. “Gotta go girls, I uh… guess I'll see you tomorrow.”

     “We're not finished here lady! I still want more details,” Peebee called out, holding her arm up and wriggling her fingers, though she was still lying on her back. “Hey, this bed is super comfy, mind if I have a nap?”

     She chuckled and adjusted her shorts, and walked to the closet to grab her leather jacket. “Knock yourself out, don't get up to too much trouble while I'm gone, okay?”

     “We should be saying that to you, but you're in enough trouble as it is, I think,” Vetra said with a wry smile, waving her off as she disappeared through the doors.

     Suvi waved vaguely as Ryder left, brow furrowed deeply in thought. “... guys, I've been thinking about it; Ryder's mystery man. I think it might be-- no, no way. Could it…?”

     It didn't take long for Ryder to get to the shuttle, but the knowing and curious smiles on the nearby angara made her blush and clear her throat. Did they know? Did everyone know? Then again, how could they not? She saw the long-jawed looks on the faces of the Resistance members in HQ, of the angara who crossed their paths on the way to Evfra’s apartment, twice.

     If the angara were like anyone else, she could only imagine what the gossip would be. Being the occasional subject of scandal on her ship was one thing, but an entire planet of aliens that she still didn't understand? That… that was something else entirely. But she didn't even need to think about about Evfra’s reaction or response to such juicy gossip: he wouldn't give a fuck.

     Well, if he didn't, neither would she. So she put on a placid smile and nodded politely to the shuttle pilot before stepping inside, allowing her curiosity to take over. Where in hell had Evfra decided to take her? She scooted to the other end of the seats and looked out the window, down to the beautiful and intimidating mix of lush jungles and large veins of molten rocks. They called it paradise, but to her it was the wondrous and terrifying place where heaven and hell met, if such places existed.

     After a few minutes, she realized that the landscape was familiar. Wait… she'd been here before. Were they going to the Vault?

     “Excuse me, are we going to the Vault?” she asked, leaning forward on the front seat.

     “It's where I was told to drop you off, yes. The scientists have already left for the day. You will be alone.” She cleared her throat gently and bit her lip as she caught the pilot’s gaze in the rear view mirror, his eyes twinkling knowingly.

     She inched her way back to her seat, stomach beginning to flutter again as they made their descent. Why was she getting nervous again? That's right, because reality was beginning to sink in, like a lead anchor off a ship. The more people knew, the more people acknowledged what was happening between her and Evfra, the more it stuck. And the more she had to think about what it meant, and what would happen after she left the next day.

     The shuttle door opened and she stared at it uncertainly, licking her lower lip as she searched for signs of anyone else. “Yeah, looks like they're all gone,” the pilot commented mildly, nodding to her with a small smile. “Go on then. I'll be back to pick you up when Evfra calls.”

     “Thanks,” she said with a tight smile, stepping out of the shuttle and looking at the looming Remnant towers with a soft sigh. “Sam, is it safe to explore like this, do you think?”

     “Yes, the defence protocols were inactive long before you first arrived. Assuming you do not activate any new consoles or panels still undiscovered, the Vault should be benign,” he answered briefly.

     “Evfra’s not here yet, is he?”

     “No, I believe he is on his way to the shuttles. He should be here in about twenty minutes.”

     “Why the hell would he take me here? The sun will be setting soon. Is there anything else in the area?”

     Sam went silent for a few minutes, and Ryder took the opportunity to walk towards the Vault entrance, hopping onto a short column and covering her eyes as she tried to see the top of the tower. “Well, guess we'll just head inside. I wouldn't mind taking a closer look at that console.”

     It felt strange, walking into the Vault like that; no armor, not jet pack, dressed like an everyday civilian. There was a soft humming in the background as she drew further inside, eyes trailing along all the bright veins of energy that webbed every single onyx surface. “Who were these people?” she murmured to herself. “Where did they come from, what did they want?”

     “There are many theories, but very little evidence to back any of them up. The Remnant may not have even been a people,” Sam pointed out as she entered the massive, open console room.

     “You think they might have been like you, AI?” Ryder asked quietly, loathe to break the eerie silence. The humming had dissipated, but it felt like a tomb, though the console itself was lit. She could see the lamps and tables strewn around, where the scientists and researchers must have been working.

     “It is a possibility, though again there is little evidence to corroborate it.”

     “Doesn't quite jive either way though, unless they had bodies like the Geth.” She frowned and stood in front of the console, her fingers lightly running over the buttons. “In all the vaults we've been to, all the towers; there are doors, consoles, gravity wells. Made for people to walk in, to use, to touch. If AI made it, they made it for someone to use.”

     “That is a good point,” Sam agreed, pausing to speak as Ryder activated the console, and looked up at the map view, expanding in a beautifully constructed hologram. “You activated it on your own. From memory?”

     “Mm? Yeah,” she murmured, walking around the hologram curiously. “Where are you, Meridian? We've got to find it first Sam, we can't let the Archon get to it.”

     “I believe we will, Pathfinder. Together, we have accomplished far more far quicker than anyone else.”

     “True, we make a good team,” she smiled, gasping and going stiff when she suddenly felt hands slide underneath her shirt and around her waist, and a familiar chest press against her back.

     “I am also inclined to agree,” Evfra whispered quietly in her ear, pressing a soft kiss on her neck. “Hello, kitten.”

     “Hi,” she smirked, rolling her eyes at the pet name, and twisted around to give him a wry smile. “You gonna tell me what we're doing here?”

     He stared into her eyes, brow mildly furrowed, raising a hand to caress her cheek, tracing a finger along her jaw and across her lips. His other hand remained on her waist, thumb brushing the soft, smooth skin and he leaned in to kiss her deeply. Ryder let out a muffled sigh against his lips, making him thrum contentedly, and wrapped her arms around his neck as she kissed him back. His tongue brushed against hers lazily, and she nipped his lip when he wrapped his arm around her and lifted her up. His other hand ran up her back, and he rumbled deeply in approval when he realized there was nothing to obstruct his fingers.

     “No straps, good girl,” he said huskily against her lips, mouthing curling to the right.

     “What're we doing here?” she asked again, before he interrupted her with another warm and hungry kiss, making a small noise when the hand on her waist dropped down to scoop her bum, prompting her to wrap her legs around his hips. Her fingers dug into the back of his head as one kiss led into another, and another; like a simmering heat leisurely bringing to a boil.

     Time froze as they stood there, and all thoughts went foggy beyond the firm, smooth texture of his tongue against hers, the hand gently squeezing her ass, the other sliding from her back to her upper ribs, a thumb brushing against a nipple in the scant space between them. She whimpered against his lips and was instantly met with the vibrations of a husky chuckle on them.

     Finally he pulled back, a mischievous twinkle in his eye, cupping her breast properly and caressing it with his palm. “We’re going to watch the sunset,” he said simply, dropping a light kiss on her lips before patting her bum and letting her back onto the ground.

     “First the sunrise, and now the sunset? I never would have pegged you to be such a romantic,” she said wryly, sighing with a mixture of weariness and amusement when his hand snuck under her shirt, fondling her breast idly as they walked. “... I spoke too soon, I see.”

     Evfra smirked silently as they exited the Vault, his fingers persistently teasing a nipple, and tracing the curves of her skin. He steered her toward the right, following the Remnant floor embedded in the ground along the wall of the massive structure. “I wanted to show you something. It's not far from here, just follow the chasm.”

     “Chasm?” she asked with a curious frown, wrapping an arm around his waist and resting her head on the side of his chest.

     “You went to Havarl?”

     “Yeah.”

     “There is a chasm like it here, just a bit further into the jungle,” he said blandly, dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “So what did you end up doing with your day?”

     “Not much. Actually the girls cornered me in the shower. Apparently I've started a bit of a scandal on the Tempest, as much as you may have on Aya.” She gave him an amused side glance, breaking into a soft laugh when he snorted and rolled his eyes.

     “Gossiping fools. What did you tell them?” he asked wryly, smiling once they'd reached the chasm, running much wider and deeper than the Angaran birthplace; with a loud and healthy flowing river at its base.

     “Um, not a whole lot. I didn't know what to say, so they began a game of questions, trying to figure out who you were, and what had happened,” Ryder flushed and shrugged when he silently arched an eyebrow, lips beginning to purse.

     “Are you so ashamed of me? Of what grows between us?” Evfra stopped in his tracks and faced her, eyes narrowed as he looked her over with unnerving focus.

     “No, I'm not ashamed,” she scoffed, her cheeks growing red as his hand drifted from her breast and down to her waist, squeezing it firmly as his lips pinched together tightly. “Oh my god, don't look at me like that! This isn't at all weird for you? How can it not be? This… whatever this is, started two days ago. Two! I don't know about you, but that's _really_ fucking fast for me. I've never-- what was I supposed to tell them? I don't even know what to tell myself!”

     He exhaled through his nose quietly and closed his eyes, his grip relaxing as his other hand traveled up her back. “... it has been a long time. Longer than I'm willing to share,” he said slowly, and he looked at her hard; something in his gaze that she couldn't quite define. “But time is irrelevant when you meet one who stokes the fires of a heart you believed dead.”

     Ryder's chest squeezed so tightly she gasped for breath, her hands sliding up his arms as she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him fiercely. He groaned and dug his fingers into her skin as he kissed her, with a possessiveness that made her toes curl and her body pulse with a lust-laced heat. “You are… amazing,” she said breathlessly when their lips finally parted, her fingers carefully tracing the long scars on his face.

     Evfra replied with a shaky sigh, turning his head to kiss her fingers, then smacked her bum sharply with a grunt. “And you are a distraction. The sky is beginning to turn. We're nearly there, let's go.”

     A smile hung in the furthest corner of his mouth, and she met it with a smirk of her own, taking his hand as he led her forward. They continued walking along the chasm in silence, and Ryder rubbed her cheek as she switched her focus between him and the great canyon to their right.

     The Remnant technology didn’t completely encase the walls, but ran along the top ridge, and downwards at various points; connecting to different sized columns here and there. A chilling and fascinating blend of the natural landscape and the eerie technology. She looked ahead and saw that the river dropped off the cliff not too far ahead; is this what he wanted to show her?

     It seemed it was, as the wild growth of Aya receded at the edges of the Remnant platforms, and Evfra directed her to a large, scooped boulder on the corner of the cliffside; dropping down to the jungle in front, and the river-turned-waterfall on the right. He situated himself on the flat groove, and pulled her backwards until she was settled in front of him. The sky was beginning to flare with bright pinks and oranges, and the topmost edges began to twist into blues and purples. Ryder leaned back against him, their legs hanging over the rock, and she tilted her head to try and peer below; not quite curious enough to go to the very edge.

     “I found this spot the last time I was here,” he said quietly in her ear, hands instantly finding their way under her shirt; one wrapping around her waist, the other reaching across to fondle a breast with a lusty sigh.

     “When was that?” she asked, hugging his arms as her body melted against his. She knew so little about him, but something inside her told her not to push, not to press, so every tidbit he gave her felt precious somehow.

     “Twenty years ago, before we left the Vault unoccupied,” he replied, nuzzling her neck with a contented sigh before he looked back up at the colors seeping and bleeding into one another.

     “Twenty years ago… so you really are an older man,” she chuckled, her nails grazing up and down his forearms. “Of course you are.”

     “What do you mean, of course?” he asked with a frown, lips pressed on her shoulder curiously.

     “I have a type,” Ryder said dryly, cheeks starting to turn pink as he fell silent, waiting for her to continue. “Older men. That’s my type. A fact we are never telling Lexi, because I do not want her to start digging into my daddy issues. Ugh, why did I even say that out loud.”

     Evfra laughed quietly against her shoulder, giving her breast a light squeeze as he straightened himself a bit. “There are worse types to have.”

     “True,” she sighed, wriggling against him happily for a moment before turning slightly to look at him. “Seriously though, no telling Lexi. Or Jack. God… definitely not Jack. I’d never hear the end of it.”

     “Who’s Jack?”

     “My twin brother. In a coma, back on the Nexus,” she said mildly, though her brow furrowed at the reminder. She was supposed to visit him a long time ago, see how he was doing, but she’d been putting it off. Seeing him lying there, knowing he was somewhere she couldn’t follow, that was a knife that dug a little too deeply.

     “You were close?” he asked, his hand stroking her stomach soothingly, as though feeling the near-undetectable tremor of tension that ran through her.

     “Only person closer to me now is Sam,” Ryder nodded, her eyes growing distant when the memories started to whisper in the back of her mind. “We were thick as-- as close as you can get. Did everything together; had a lot of adventures, and got into a lot of trouble. Well, he got into trouble, I never got caught. He always took the fall, never let me do it. Got him into a lot of shit with dad, but I usually managed to smooth things over.”

     Evfra frowned suddenly, pinching her nipple lightly between his fingers as he opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again, ignoring the gasp and shiver it elicited from Ryder. “... what is your birth name? I don’t know it.”

     “Now he wants to know my name, after three nights of fondling me shamelessly,” she laughed, kissing his cheek affectionately when he snorted with annoyance. “Jill.”

     He nodded slowly and shifted her so she was facing the view again, nestling his head in the crook of her neck. “Jill. I like it.”

     “Good, cause it’s the only name I’ve got,” she retorted, squeaking and hitting his arm when he pinched her nipple again teasingly. “Cheeky.”

     Evfra laughed throatily as he nipped her neck, the fingers on her waist beginning to run along the edge of her shorts, a finger dipping lower to trace her hips, when he made a small, curious noise. “... what’s this?” he murmured, a smile hanging off the corner of his mouth as his finger slid lower, following the dip in her hips, and discovered a soft, smooth, tantalizing mound of flesh. “You’ve unwrapped yourself for me?”

     Ryder’s brain glitched as his exploration turned southwards, unconsciously holding her breath and tensing the more intimate his touch became. “Um…”

     “No more underwear?” he persisted with a small but devilish grin, his tongue peeking out to flick her earlobe and nibble it gently.

     “Uh…”

     “You seem distracted, should I stop?” he asked innocently, the rest of his hand making its way inside her shorts, gently caressing the extra soft and sensitive skin until he was cupping her lightly between her thighs.

     The only response she immediately gave was a muffled whimper, and she bit her lip hard, her fingers slowly wrapping around the offending arm. “... no.”

     Evfra rumbled lowly in her ear, clearly pleased as his fingers explored; smoothing along the surface, tracing her shape, running along the line of her soft and inviting folds. Her mind continued to hiccup, the sudden and insistent throbbing between her legs quickly taking over anything else. View, what view? Where were they? Did it even matter? And then his forefinger boldly ventured between, inadvertently rubbing against a tender bundle of nerves that made her hips jerk and forced a quiet moan from her lips.

     “... fascinating,” he murmured in her ear, kissing her neck gently as his all too thorough exploration continued. His finger ran along the inside of her moist lips, then further down until he discovered her slick entrance, rubbing along it curiously. Her toes curled so tightly in her boots that the tension traveled all the way up her legs, making him smile again. “Warm and wet, so inviting…”

     Ryder was at a complete loss for words, capable only of gasping and making soft noises as he continued his sensual search, gauging where to go and what to do based only on her body’s reactions. He left the beckoning opening untouched as his finger made its way back to her clit; gently rubbing up and down, breath held as he waited for a visceral response. He received it immediately when she moaned, her pelvis squirmed, and her nails dug into his forearm.

     “Your body is a treasure trove of delights,” Evfra said with a smile, licking his lower lip and biting her neck gently as he continued; in the same direction, then trying circular motions, testing which yielded the most pleasurable noises. To say he was a quick study was an understatement, but Ryder wasn’t exactly surprised; she’d been under his microscopic gaze since he sat down at her table, maybe even before. He could read her like a book, to the most minute degree; a fact that she was most definitely starting to reap the benefits of.

     “Evfra,” she gasped, a whining moan escaping her lips when he sped his finger up, pleasure throbbing more and more sharply, spreading to somewhere deeper inside, pooling with increasing urgency.

     “So soon? Deliciously sensitive,” he chuckled and bit her neck more firmly, making her whimper when he suddenly stopped. “Not yet, I’ve only just begun.”

     Ryder closed her eyes and shook her head, a shiver shooting down her spine at the feel of his teeth in her flesh. “What? Oh no…”

     “Oh _yes_ ,” he smirked, his other hand travelling from one breast over to the other, flicking her nipple idly as his fused fingers teased and nudged their way into the tight, slick passage below. She sucked in a sharp breath and bit her lip again, a loud groan leaving before she could stop it, urging his fingers deeper. “Even slicker now. I see, it increases with arousal. And the scent… mm, don’t you smell sweet.”

     “Jesus, fuck,” she cursed with a gasp, her breathing becoming deeper and heavier as her other hand wrapped around his bicep. Once his fingers had sufficiently teased and stretched her, he filled her to the hilt. He kept them there, turning her slightly to the left so he could kiss her hungrily, and her hand fell from his arm and reached underneath to dig into his shoulder. She deepened it eagerly, her tongue tangling with his, moaning against his mouth when he began to pump his thick fingers slowly, pulling out almost completely, then filling her again.

     Her hips began to rock against his hand as his speed increased, her body throbbing almost angrily as the pleasure he effortlessly drew out of her threatened to overwhelm her entirely. “I would know you inside and out, better than yourself,” he murmured against her lips, smiling wolfishly when she could only gasp and groan in reply. Every movement of his fingers, his lips on hers, his teeth on her neck as he bit her elicited a symphony of mewls, moans and sharp exhales, increasing in volume and desperation the longer he continued.

     Finally the muscles in her passage began to clench and shiver around his fingers, her nails dug into him hard, and she shut her eyes tight as the pleasure began to reach an incomprehensibly intense peak. “Evfra, fuck…” she whimpered softly, hiding her face in his neck as her hips began to shudder involuntarily.

     “Go on, kitten, let me hear you,” he said huskily, his arm pulling her in tight against him as he pressed his thumb against her clit, rubbing it lightly as his fingers pumped harder into her. In short time she cried out loudly, hips jerking against his fingers as wave after wave of pleasure sent her body reeling, more forcefully than she’d felt in a long time. Her noises slowly quieted, her breathing grew more and more even, and she melted against him. Her body was limp but still humming warmly, and his fingers stayed buried inside her, though they remained still as she recovered.

     “... fuck,” she said breathlessly, groaning and nuzzling his neck when she finally opened her eyes. Evfra tilted her chin up so he could kiss her, deeply and warmly, his fingers giving a gentle push before they slowly slid out of her, and he wrapped both arms around her tight.

     “That was… mm.” His words were followed by a low growl, as if nothing could quite describe the experience, and kissed her again possessively as he gave her a squeeze. “I am going to enjoy discovering you.”

     Ryder laughed tiredly and kissed him back with a quiet sigh. “I think I’m going to enjoy being discovered.”

     Evfra took in a deep breath and covered her face in soft kisses, his slightly sticky hand stroking the length of her torso, and he finally looked at the darkening sky. “We should get home before it gets too dark,” he commented, smiling when she groaned and curled into him, nuzzling his neck. “Don’t tell me you’re spent already.”

     “... oh no,” she muttered, hiding her face in his neck as she wrapped her arms around his waist.

     “Oh _yes_. I’m not done with you yet,” he smirked evilly, kissing the side of her head with a throaty chuckle.

     Ryder whimpered as he let her go, nudging her to get off the boulder. Her knees felt like jelly and her body was alternately aching from the lack of his beautifully thick fingers, and buzzing in the afterglow of pleasure. She sighed shakily and took his hand when he offered it, her steps slightly wobbly as he called for the shuttle and led her back towards the Vault entrance. “You’re going to be the death of me, aren’t you?” she said with a weak and rueful smile, stomach fluttering when he brought her hand to his lips.

     “Perhaps, but not tonight. Not yet. Come on, the sooner we return, the sooner I can taste you.” He looked back at her with a wicked and knowing smile, laughing huskily as her mouth gaped open. “Yes, you heard me right. Our evening has only just begun…”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (5/15) A/N: Oh. My. God. It's 2:30am, I have to be up for work in 5 hours, but it had to be done. This one was taking its sweet time to form in my head XD 
> 
> Was originally gonna make this one scene, but it was getting to be way too long, so their last evening together is being split in two. So more smut for next chapter, wewt! :P
> 
> Not gonna lie, I am dying of sleep dep right now so no long notes. You guys are awesome, thank you for the support of all amazing kinds, I am babbling, and I hope you enjoyed finally dipping your toes into the wonderful world of Evfra sexy-times ;)


	8. A Goodbye Kiss *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW (Explicit Sexuality)
> 
> Evfra leads Ryder back to his apartment, focused only on giving her the incentive needed to make her return sooner rather than later. And despite her complaints, she can't quite get enough of him, any more than he can of her. That is, until it's time to say goodbye...

* * *

 

 

     As they exited the shuttle and made their way through the docks, Ryder’s stomach began jumping and twisting like a manic frog. Evfra kept close to her as usual, a hand around her hip and a forefinger sneakily tucked in her shorts, rubbing her hipbone as they walked; a constant reminder of her fate once they reached his apartment.

     It began to feel like walking to the guillotine, and while she had an arm around his waist, her fingers were curled so tightly into her hand they were white. The angaran had the most infuriating effect on her, and she hardly knew how to explain it. When they were alone together, it felt like she was in a fog; his presence, his touch, everything about him was intoxicating, and nothing else mattered. But when she had a moment to herself or out in public with him, however briefly, reality crept back in; tapping her on the shoulder like a clingy pest. And as much as she hated surprises, this was a moment where she would much rather have not known what was awaiting her in a short walk’s time.

     There weren’t as many people along the main pathways as they neared the Resistance HQ, but as usual, there were the occasional people here and there; Initiative, Resistance or civilian alike, stopping to gawk at the unbelievable scene. Evfra? The Pathfinder? Arm in arm?! What witchcraft was this? It didn’t help that she felt as shocked as them, and still couldn’t figure out what had happened or how. It just… was.

     “You’re nervous, why?” he asked quietly, his finger unhooking from her shorts as his hand spanned her waist, giving it a light squeeze.

     “I don’t know if there’s a point in saying, you really just don’t get it,” Ryder chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck with her other hand.

     “Try me,” he replied wanly, either completely oblivious to the stares they received, or snobbish enough that he wasn’t going to condescend to acknowledge any gossip or rumors swirling about them. It was undoubtedly the latter.

     She sighed wearily and shook her head, before resting it on the corner of his broad chest. “You don’t see you the way I see you, the way everyone else sees you. You don’t get it.”

     Evfra gave her a disbelieving and doubtful look, rolling his eyes as he stopped walking. “And how do you see me?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as he leaned into her; hands loosely grasping the rails as he kept her pinned against the balcony near his flat.

     “Do you really expect me to gush about you, in front of you?” Ryder laughed, then cleared her throat when she found herself surrounded by Evfra.

     “I expect you to be honest,” he huffed impatiently, his grip tightening as he muttered and stared off into the distance. “Why do you insist on complicating things needlessly?”

     She jerked her head and gave him an unimpressed gaze as her arms slowly crossed over her chest. “I’m not making things complicated. I’m trying to deal with reality, something you seem content to dismiss and belittle, like everything else,” she bit back, eyes narrowing as she turned her head away from him.

     Evfra’s eyes hardened, slowly turning to look at her, lips pursed tightly. “... and what reality do you think I’m ignoring? What matters beyond right here, right now? Nothing. Why are you so intent on focusing on what anyone else thinks, rather than what you think, what I think? Why would anyone else’s opinion matter?”

     “I get it, okay? But as much as you might try, we’re not in some little bubble. I guarantee you everyone knows, everyone’s talking, the rumors are flying. This isn’t normal for me, and between what you’ve said and everyone’s reactions to seeing us, this isn’t normal for you either. Can’t you just acknowledge that?” Ryder exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air as she made a frustrated noise, pushing his chest when he simply rolled his eyes again.

     “You want me to care where I simply don’t,” he said tiredly, a smile teasing the corner of his mouth when she shoved him again, though he barely shifted. But she wouldn’t back down, and after several moments of stubborn silence, he groaned and bent down to nip her neck. “... fine. We may be at the nexus of the largest scandal Aya has seen in a long time. So?”

     “So… nothing. I just wanted you to acknowledge it,” she shrugged, clearing her throat and flushing under his narrow-eyed gaze. “What?”

     “Do you actually care about gossip, or are you trying to pick a fight to prolong us going home?” he asked pointedly, a smirk firmly hanging from his lips. “Are you so reluctant to let me resume my exploration of you?”

     Ryder’s cheeks turned bright pink and her stomach churned as she avoided meeting his gaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about…”

     Evfra sighed quietly and kissed her forehead before sliding his hands under her shirt, rubbing her back rhythmically. “You’re oddly squeamish about intimacy, considering you’ve been happy to let my hands roam from the first night. What difference does it make if it’s my mouth?”

     “Um, a lot of difference?” she scoffed, scrunching her nose and smiling when he started to nibble her neck idly. She finally relented after a while, grumbling as she wrapped her arms around his waist. “Jesus, you’re like a drug. I’ve been in a fog since you sat down at the Tavetaan, no one’s gotten under my skin like this since-- in a really, really long time.”

     “Good,” he said smugly, squeezing her gently before keeping an arm around her and steering back onto the pathway and towards his apartment. “I enjoy hearing that.”

     “Who wouldn’t?” Ryder rolled her eyes and elbowed his side when he patted her bum and nudged her forward as his front door opened silently for them. “Yeah, yeah, I’m going.”

     Evfra smirked and shook head his head when she started to veer towards the couch. “No. Bedroom,” he said sharply, though his voice was laced with amusement, arching an eyebrow when she turned back to glare at him. “Go on.”

     “You’re real bossy sometimes, anyone ever tell you that?” she muttered, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot, trying to ignore the tumultuous somersaults in her stomach as she glanced at the bed; the site of her impending sensual doom.

     “I may have heard that once or twice before,” he said wryly, tugging gently on her shirt. He leaned in and nibbled on her neck before pushing it off, using the opportunity to spread his fingers and run his hands along her body, from hip to shoulders, lingering as always on her breasts before moving on. “But no one complains about my results, and that’s all that matters. Including you now, I might add.”

     “You are such an ass!” Ryder scoffed, shivering as his tongue ran along her neck and across her shoulder, giving it a rough bite, his hands quick to unbutton her shorts. “You’re the most infuriating combination of intoxicating and maddening, honestly.”

     Evfra gave the barest shrug as he pushed her shorts down, wrapping his arms around her as he kissed her hungrily, rumbling at the soft noise she made when she kissed him back, pulling him down by his rofjin. “... I can live with that,” he murmured against her lips as he steadily pushed her back onto the bed. His hands wove through her hair, and he stared at her silently for a while, lightly scratching her scalp before dropping a slow and sensual kiss on her lips. “Don’t wait too long before coming home to me.”

     She let out a shaky breath before nodding and reaching up to kiss him back, running her tongue along his lower lip teasingly as she deepened it. Her stomach fluttered like a dozen butterflies trying to escape a jar, and she groaned when she felt him lean more of his weight onto her, and her legs snaked around his hips loosely. “I won’t.”

     “Good. Now to make sure you keep to your word,” he said quietly, a twinkle in his eye as his kisses trailed along her jaw and down her neck, pressing his tongue against her skin with every kiss.

     Ryder’s eyes fluttered shut and her throat went dry as she tried to swallow, feeling heat start to spread from his lips to the rest of her body, and as her blood pressure started to rise, she felt the topmost hairs start to rise. “... fuck,” she said breathlessly, her thoughts blurring as she focused only on the feel of his tongue along her collarbone, the fingers that drifted from her head and slid underneath her ribs. But just as his mouth started to drift towards a breast, she nudged his leg with the heel of her foot. “Wait.”

     Evfra froze and exhaled through his nostrils, slowly looking up at her with annoyance. “What?”

     “Take your shirt off,” she said, nodding towards the bright blue rofjin currently tickling her belly. “If I’m naked, you should be too.”

     “I’m not getting naked tonight,” he said with a weary huff, arching an eyebrow at her. “Tonight I simply want to enjoy you.”

     “Yeah, which you can do naked,” she quipped dryly, mirroring his expression, and dug her heel into the back of his thigh.

     “No.”

     “Yes.”

     “ _No_.”

     “Take your goddamned shirt off at least,” she hissed, frowning at him stubbornly, reaching down to tug at his rofjin. “ _Off_.”

     Evfra’s eyes narrowed with stern disapproval for several seconds in silence, before finally raising himself onto his knees, and quickly removed his shirt, almost immediately diving back into his original position over her. “There. Better?”

     “God, do you have to be so… efficient? I was enjoying the show,” she muttered, letting out a gasp when his teeth found purchase around her nipple, pinching it ever so slightly before he enveloped it with his lips. “Fuck... “

     She felt a throaty chuckle vibrate against his lips before he sucked on her nipple; first gently, then roughly, flicking his tongue against it, always measuring and mentally recording every noise, every reaction she made. When he was satisfied he dropped kisses across her sternum and moved to her left breast, his tongue tracing the soft flesh lazily. “Has anyone ever told you you were bossy?” he quipped huskily, biting the lower curve of her breast firmly.

     “I may have heard that once or twice before,” she replied sarcastically, licking her lower lip and letting her hands wander his arms, feeling that firm but smooth ridge on the underside. She shivered and grunted when he began to travel even lower, biting along her ribs roughly, the static beginning to build exponentially the further south he went. “Jesus, you’re not gentle, are you?”

     “No. Is that a problem?” he asked with dry amusement, licking and kissing the spot he’d just bitten, his hand quickly traveling to his favorite spot; stroking and caressing her breast idly.

     “... no?” The word came out as a breathless and uncertain question, rather than a definitive answer. It wasn’t that he was causing real physical pain, not that she was even opposed to the idea, but it’d been a long time since she’d been with someone who was so… assertive.

     Evfra laughed huskily, kissing her belly button softly before moving back up to kiss her hungrily, one hand gripping her hair lightly, the other squeezing her breast firmly. “I can feel you getting wetter underneath me, your perfume is getting stronger,” he sighed, kissing her deeply once more before nuzzling her neck and groaning. “You little know how tempting you are.”

     “Is this where I’m supposed to apologize?” she smirked, wrapping her arms and legs around him tightly, laughing when he bit her shoulder roughly.

     “It would be the polite thing to do,” he quipped, narrowing his eyes with amusement as they mirrored their earliest conversation, but she couldn’t help but notice the dangerous twinkle dancing in them. He kissed her once more, his tongue brushing against hers, taking his time exploring her mouth, and he rumbled when she moaned quietly against him. He pulled back and let out a low growl that made her body throb sharply, his hands gripping her ribcage as he trailed kisses down her sternum, following an invisible trail down.

     Ryder’s toes curled as his tongue dipped into her bellybutton teasingly, his lips trailing lower before they veered right, and he bit her hipbone roughly, instantly offering a small lick and a warm kiss afterwards. She whimpered and ran her fingers through her hair, staring at the ceiling for a moment, her breath already heavy, her body pulsing and thrumming with a mix of electricity and the kind of primal need that drowned the rest of the world out.

     Evfra smirked with every noise, every shiver and shudder he elicited, playing her like a skilled musician exploring a new instrument. Finally he hovered over the smooth mound of flesh, licking his lower lip slowly as he met her eyes, a quiet and almost feral look in them that made her bite her lip hard. He seemed to be considering his next course of action, and the anticipation pulled deep and hard inside her belly. Finally he grabbed her hips and pulled her closer to the edge of the bed, settling on his knees on the floor, and raised her legs over his shoulders. He kissed the inside of her knee, dragging his tongue down her inner thigh, taking an obvious and unspoken pleasure in prolonging the inevitable, near torturing her as she gripped her hair tightly, her fingers audibly snapping and sparking.

     “Jesus, you’re evil. And amazing. And evil,” she murmured breathlessly, trying to shake her hands out gently as the electricity coursed through her body. “How the fuck are you doing it, you’ve got my body in overdrive already.”

     He gave her a small, smug smile as he bit her inner thigh, hard enough to leave a light mark, and spread his fingers along her belly before motioning sharply for her hand. “Give it to me, let me feel it,” he said, his voice soft but demanding and she wove her fingers around his, making her gasp as she felt that strange undercurrent again; the static dissipating as it flowed into his hand, vanishing before returning back to her. They stayed like that for a while, watching her closely and stroking her thigh as the pulse ran through them gently. She let out a shaky breath as she stared back at him in wonderment; flushed, eyes beginning to glaze over with lust, licking her lower lip as the electricity continued its rhythmic cycle.

     Ryder made a soft, muffled noise when a dangerous glint crossed his face, and he sank between her legs, dropping a few kisses on the sensitive mound, his eyes closing as he inhaled deeply, tightening his grip on her hand, and his other fingers digging into her hip aggressively. She gasped and her legs tensed around his shoulders, feeling his tongue mimic the work of his fingers earlier in evening; tasting, tracing, running along her already slick folds. And when it finally dipped inside, automatically searching her clit she let out a guttural groan, hips jerking as his tongue ran up and down the tender nub; pressing against it in a pulsing rhythm, circling it teasingly. She had no idea how he was figuring out what was ‘most effective’, because everything he did had her moaning and writhing underneath him.

     He rumbled in approval as his tongue ran downwards, teasing her entrance, already slightly swollen with an aching need from his earlier attentions. She moaned loudly and whimpered when his tongue dipped inside curiously, pressing against the roof and slid back to her clit, and she felt another surge of static building along with the rippling heat and pleasure woven around it. His hand tightened around hers as her noises became needier and louder, drawing the excess electricity towards him as his tongue flicked and circled faster, his other fingers spreading and caressing her belly.

     She was half certain he must be some kind of angaran bioelectric sex wizard right before the heat and throbbing pleasure in her body raced towards a place deep inside her, making her muscles clench relentlessly. Her back arched as she cried out, hips jerking and shuddering against his mouth as she came, her orgasm prolonged as he sent the barest current from his tongue onto her, and her free hand gripped the sheets tightly. She was seeing stars, the pleasure was so deep and so intense, and although he slowed down, he refused to stop. He was testing her limits, and pushing beyond them. He really was out to kill her.

     Well… there were worse ways to go.

     Ryder whined when his tongue still ran back and forth her clit, now swollen and oversensitive, making her body jerk and shudder every time. “Jesus, don’t I get a break?” she whimpered, legs slack over his shoulders, and the only reply she got was a derisive grunt. She groaned and lifted her leg, trying to push his shoulder away with the heel of her foot. “Let a girl breathe for a second.”

     Evfra pulled away and snorted, narrowing his eyes in disapproval before he hovered over her again, allowing only part of his weight to rest on her, and kissed her grumpily, his arms wrapping around her possessively. “We’re going to have to do something about your endurance,” he muttered, kissing her over and over, and she moaned softly as she tasted herself on his lips. He nuzzled her neck and pulled them onto their sides, fingers tracing along her face as he stared into her eyes, the barest smile on his lips. “You taste exquisite; sweet with a trace of salt. Delicious.”

     “You are… insane,” she laughed breathlessly, wrapping her arms around his neck as she kissed him tiredly. “Do I get to taste you now?” Her eyes twinkled mischievously as her hand drifted down his neckfolds, along his chest protrusions, and along his stomach. He sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed her hand just as her fingers found his hipbone.

     “No. Not tonight.”

     “Why not?” she frowned, looking at him suspiciously. “You’ve spent all night mapping me like an evil genius. My turn.”

     “No,” he said simply, smiling as he kissed her softly, a hand rubbing her back before finally resting on her ass, squeezing it idly. “Next time, perhaps.”

     She gave him a deadpan stare, ignoring the way his hand ran along the line of her ass, and her fingers dug into his waist. “Excuse me, what? _Perhaps_?”

     Evfra licked his lower lip, barely able to hide his amusement at her indignance, his fused fingers suddenly teasing her still-wet entrance from behind. “Yes, perhaps.”

     “Why only-- oh fuck.” Her sentence was interrupted by a loud moan as they started to push inside, rather easily given how slick she was. “You’re going to kill me…” Her leg slowly snaked around his thick thigh, allowing him easier access and inviting him to bury himself in deeper. He needed no further encouragement, filling her to the hilt in the blink of an eye; her body aching and throbbing and protesting the endless waves of pleasure he coaxed out of her stubbornly.

     “Before I’ve claimed you for my own? I think not,” he snorted, kissing her almost tenderly as his fingers slowly stroked inside her; no sense of urgency, careful but insistent, aware of how spent she was already. “But if you can’t handle this, you’re not ready to join with me properly.”

     “No?” she said distractedly, her hands cupping his face as she kissed him desperately, as though it would pull her focus from the thick fingers lodged inside her. It didn’t. She mewled pathetically as her fingers dug into his bicep, her hips automatically rocking against his hand. “Jesus fuck, you are… so so good at this.”

     Evfra smirked and nibbled her shoulder, pulling his fingers out and immediately pushing them back in, at a torturously slow pace. “No, I want myself buried in you all night, not once, but constantly. I want to squeeze every last ounce of pleasure from your body. I want you aching without the feel of me inside you,” he murmured huskily against her lips, thrumming contentedly when she moaned against them, his words enough to send her over the edge. “Come on kitten, once more and I’ll let you rest.”

     Ryder whimpered and shut her eyes, body curling and hiding her face in his neck as his fingers pushed deep inside of her pulsing insistently; never pulling out, just staying where they were, urging her over the edge. She half-sobbed as another orgasm hit her, her whole body throbbing and her muscles tightening shakily around him as pleasure pulled and pooled, one desperate wave after another. He made a quiet noise of approval and rubbed her back soothingly, nibbling on her shoulder. “Mm, good girl. Sleep now,” he whispered, shifting slightly onto his back and bringing her with him, fingers still buried as blissful exhaustion took over; her entire body humming with a low current of electricity and pleasure that would never quite leave.

     She had no idea how long they’d slept for, or what time it was when his lips found her forehead, a hand stroking her hair gently. She made a tired noise and nuzzled his shoulder, her arm tightening around his waist, her leg curling around his as she refused to wake up. She felt a raspy sigh against her neck as she was shifted onto her side, but she simply huffed and grumbled, rubbing her face against the pillow tiredly. “I know it’s not ten, fuck off,” she mumbled, gasping suddenly when she felt his fingers nudging her inside, forcing her eyes open. She glared at him and punched his chest, further annoyed by his mirthful gaze. “No.”

     “Yes,” he smiled, leaning in to kiss her deeply, his fingers instantly stroking inside her again. “Time to watch the sunrise.”

     “Already watched it once, that’s enough, I need sleep,” she huffed, a loud moan escaping her lips as he buried his hand inside her roughly, grunting and punching him again. “You know I have to walk back to the Tempest, right? I have to go back to work today. My legs feel like jelly as it is.”

     “I know, it’ll be amusing to watch,” he smirked, laughing throatily when she punched him again, ignoring her annoyance and kissing her deeply again. “I enjoy seeing how much I affect you, how easily I can draw pleasure out of you.”

     “I enjoy feeling it, but you’re insatiable,” she grumbled, kissing him back resentfully and whimpering as he carefully lifted her up, fingers still stubbornly inside her as she wrapped her legs around his hips, and he carried her out to the balcony. She quickly grabbed the thin blanket off the bed, dragging on the floor behind them. “Can’t people see us from here? Are you some sort of exhibitionist?”

     “No one can see us,” he said dryly, sitting back on the lounge chair and reached for the blanket, hanging it over her shoulders. “Though they might hear us if you’re loud enough, so you may want to consider being quiet, as much as I love the music you make.”

     “You’re such a dick,” she huffed, nipping his neckfold roughly and whimpering when it resulted in a forceful push of his fingers. “Seriously, I’m spent, come on.”

     “What kind of lovers have you had that you’re so easily worn?” Evfra frowned, sighing and shaking his head as she melted against him, kissing the top of her head as he turned to the soul-chilling view of Aya. “At the least I would have thought given your constant combat, your physical endurance would match your sexual endurance.”

     “No one as hungry for me as you, that’s for damned sure,” she replied shakily, her arms flopping around his waist tiredly. “Least when I leave I’ll get some rest.”

     “You will, for a while,” he said, voice laced with amusement. “At least now I know you’ll come home to me sooner rather than later.”

     “Oh? How do you know that?” she snorted, turning her face slightly to bite his neckfold, hips gently grinding against his fingers in spite of herself.

     “Because you’ll ache without me now.” Evfra looked down at her with a small and smug smile, his free hand roaming her body as usual; running along her back, her waist, her leg, every inch of her now familiar to him.

     Ryder opened her mouth to protest, but finally shut it again, frowning at him before reluctantly kissing him when he nudged her cheek. “I hate you.”

     “I can live with that,” he said wryly, fingers running across her nipple as his fingers began to pump inside her gently. “Once more.”

     She groaned and hid her face in his shoulder, sighing tiredly as her hips rocked against his fingers, pleasure throbbing constantly since she woke. She sat up straighter, staring into his vivid blue eyes with an inscrutable expression, her finger tracing along his scars slowly, even as her muscles began to clench and pulse around him. After several moments she finally offered him a small smile, shaking her head and sighing in defeat as she wrapped her arms around him, kissing him deeply and hungrily. He rumbled in approval, his hand squeezing and caressing her breast as his fingers began to pick up their pace, and she moaned against his lips, trying to muffle her own noises. Pleasure tugged hard and fast at her insides, spreading to the tips of her hair to the tips of her toes and she bit his lower lip as she came, shutting her eyes tight and pressing her body against him, even as his protrusions dug into her skin. “Fuck,” she whimpered, hips shuddering against him, fingers gripping him tightly as she waited for it to finally ebb.

     Evfra smiled and hummed against her lips, kissing her deeply over and over, finally sliding his fingers out of her as he wrapped his arm under her bum, chuckling at the soft noise she made. “I said you’d ache for me,” he murmured, grunting softly and laughing when she jabbed his side with her fist. “You’re quite a spitfire, aren’t you?”

     “It’s not that I want to hit you, it’s that you make me want to hit you,” she smirked, nuzzling his neck and resting limply against him. She turned her head to watch as the sky began to light up, running her fingers along his thick biceps as he continued to fondle her breast idly. “So strange, it’s like this has been a dream. A crazy, beautiful, surreal dream.”

     “Except it’s not a dream, it’s real,” he answered quietly, patting her bum gently. “Say you won’t make me wait too long before you come home again.”

     Home. He’d said it more than once, it fell so easily off his lips she was sure he’d given it no thought. And that made her chest ache even harder. In this impossible whirlwind, millions of miles from the Milky Way, a stranger in a strange land… she _was_ home. How in hell this grumpy, snarky, stubborn, controlling man had her feeling so comfortable, so content, so excited, curious… so _herself_ , was beyond her. “I won’t,” she said quietly, rubbing his stomach and smiling as he bent down to kiss her again.

     “When are you leaving today?” he asked, brushing his thumb back and forth across her nipple distractedly.

     “After lunch I guess; need to shower and change and figure out what’s on the to-do list.”

     “Did you decide where you’re going?”

     “Mm. Kadara. Business to wrap up.”

     “Ah, yes. The other man you’ve toyed with,” he smirked, kissing her warmly and teasingly when she huffed with annoyance.

     “Oh shut up, you know full well I can’t see anything but you,” she muttered, scrunching her nose with mild embarrassment at his smug and knowing look.

     “I know,” he said mildly, kissing her once more as the sun hung higher in the sky, sighing as he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck. “Come see me before you go.”

     “Won’t I just be an unwelcome distraction?” she grinned, stroking the sides of his waist soothingly, laughing when he bit her shoulder firmly.

     “It would be a bigger distraction if I didn’t see you,” he grumbled, arms tightening around her, making her sigh softly, not wanting to let him go any more than he wanted to let her go.

     “Alright, grumpy-face, I’ll come say goodbye,” she smiled, kissing his neck over and over, amused by his noises of approval at the affection. “Time to get changed?”

     “Yes,” he said reluctantly, sliding his arms away from her and smacking her bum sharply. “Off.”

     It was a very slow and shaky walk back to the Tempest, though Ryder did her best to look as casual and natural as possible. She wasn’t interested in advertising the pleasure-ridden evening she’d had, even if everyone likely knew who it’d been with. Ugh. The questions. The gossip. No one would talk to Evfra, no one would dare. But her, on the other hand; the approachable, helpful, friendly Pathfinder. She was pretty sure people wouldn’t be nearly as hesitant to inquire further.

     She ignored all the curious, knowing and teasing looks when she boarded the ship, rolling her eyes and smiling as she made her way to her quarters, and grabbed her things for a shower. She still had no idea what to say to anyone, or how to say it. Frankly, she wasn’t even sure she wanted to say anything. It was nice to have something all her own. It had nothing to do with her being shy about the inevitable shock, surprise and insatiable curiosity. Of course not. She had achieved the impossible; she had the Resistance leader wrapped around her pinky. Or… he had her wrapped around his pinky. That was unfortunately probably more accurate.

     Asshole.

     Surprisingly no one accosted her when she showered, or came to visit her quarters as she went over their burgeoning list of missions. Maybe they knew she needed the rest, or they were just planning for an ambush later. Probably the latter. As they grew closer, and began to function more and more like a family, she was content to take the good with the bad, aka well-meaning nosiness. But even so, she was still shoving an uncomfortable, painful, and unfortunate inevitability to the back of her head, refusing to consider it for more than half a second.

     Jaal.

     Jaal, was it even inevitable? He’d sent her a gut-twisting email, they’d shared some moments, but after what she’d witnessed on Voeld… maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe she’d never have to face it. Maybe he wouldn’t even notice, and he’d become too busy sucking the pretty asari’s face to consider the girl he’d sent such beautiful, poetical things to. If she was lucky, that’s exactly how it’d play out.

     She marked off the missions to work on for the duration of their trip, and sighed as she threw on her jacket and made her way back out. Time to say goodbye. It was then that she started to see heads poking out from doorways and around corners, but she only vaguely registered it as she left the ship. What time was it? Almost noon. Yeah, she could have lunch when they were on their way. Her hair was still damp when she exited, but the warm breeze quickly helped to dry it completely, loose waves dancing around her face. She furrowed her brow as she neared the HQ, not exactly sure how she was supposed to behave. Should she keep it professional? Was she supposed to be publicly affectionate? She was still trying to navigate the windy, strange ways of the angara, and it didn’t help that he was an oddball angaran.

     The initial nerves and uncertainty were long gone as she approached the central office, and Ryder wondered how it could have settled so fast. Three days. Holy shit, three days, that was it. But that’s all it took, and there wasn’t a shred of doubt in her mind that he was seriously, intensely, and borderline annoyingly into her. She’d never felt so secure before, particularly after her last couple forays into romance. When she entered the room, Evfra instantly shot his head up and made eye contact, his eyes dancing even though his mouth was a sober, straight line.

     She didn’t get much further into the office when he raised a hand subtly, putting down the tablet he’d been perusing, and made his way towards her. “You’re leaving?” he asked curtly, squeezing her waist when she nodded. “Alright, I’ll walk you to the Tempest."

     “Wait, what?” she asked, her eyes widening and her heart starting to pound as she calculated the possibility of the entire crew waiting at the docks for her. “No, you don’t have to--”

     “Obviously, I don’t have to do anything. I want to, let’s go,” he said mildly, his tone demanding as he wrapped an arm around her hip and steered her out of the HQ.

     Her cheeks flushed brightly as anyone and everyone gawked at them, and she could only imagine what the rumors would be. It was one thing for a few nighttime passersby to have seen them, but this was the middle of the day; all eyes were on them as they headed to the Tempest. “You’re doing this on purpose, aren’t you?” she muttered, fingers starting to spark and snap as her anxiety increased the closer they got to the ship.

     “I do everything on purpose,” he answered dryly, the smallest smirk hanging on his lips as he squeezed her hip. “The sooner people see us together, the quicker any inane gossip will die, and you can stop agonizing over it.”

     “I’m not agonizing,” she protested with a huff, elbowing his side gently as they reached the docks, slowing her pace down as she reluctantly signaled the Tempest to come pick her up. “Alright handsome. I’m here, thanks for walking me.”

     “Call me when you land in Kadara,” he instructed her sternly, his hands stroking her waist as he watched her closely. “I would know you’re alright.”

     “I’m always alright, mostly,” she shrugged, avoiding his gaze and laughing sheepishly as she rubbed the back of her neck. “Mostly is better than nothing. You know I’m tasked with saving everyone and finding homes for everyone, right? Not exactly a safe job.”

     “Call me,” he repeated with a frown, making her roll her eyes and nod.

     “Yeah, yeah.”

     He ran his fingers along her jaw and down her neck, reluctant to leave her, and he pulled her in closer as the Tempest made its descent. “Tell me I’ll see you soon.”

     Ryder sighed shakily and smiled, wrapping her arms around his waist. “You’ll see me soon. And I’ll call. And yes… I’ll be aching without you. Asshole.”

     Evfra chuckled raspily as he cupped her cheeks and bent down to kiss her deeply, ignoring the sound of the ramp lowering. She didn’t notice either, too swept up as always in the feel of his lips on hers, his tongue gliding against hers, the heat emanating from his fingers into her, that strange and gentle pulse of electricity that flowed insistently between them now whenever he touched her. “You’re welcome,” he finally murmured against her lips, pulling back and staring past her, an unreadable expression on his face.

     “What?” she frowned, licking her lower lip, turning behind her when he squeezed her waist.

     “Now you don’t have to worry about what to say to the crew,” he said dryly, pulling her in for a moment and kissing the side of her head, and patted her bum as he turned on his heel and headed back to the HQ.

     Ryder’s jaw dropped and she lost all color in her cheeks as she found herself staring at the entire Tempest crew, crowded at the top of the ramp, their mouths gaped open, eyes threatening to bug out of their heads; a mix of fascination, uncertainty, horror, and vindication on their faces.

     “... oh my god, I hate that man,” she whispered to herself, her cheeks quickly flushing as she fidgeted with her hands and headed up the ramp towards them, desperately trying to act like this was perfectly normal. “Um. Hey guys… ready to go to Kadara?”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (5/22) A/N: Omg it's done! I know it's been over a week, but between flu and RL, writing time was down to almost nothing. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the second half of Evfra-smut-town; their whirlwind weekend is over, and we'll finally get to see how these two work amidst the weird and wonderful reality they live in.
> 
> Should be back to the usual pace of a new chapter every few days, and the Jaal/Ryder chapter should be out later tonight or tomorrow. 
> 
> Hope you all had a fabulous weekend, that you're all doing well, and thank you for your patience, and the love you guys keep showing the story <3


	9. The Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The cat's out of the bag, and Ryder finds herself stuck between a rock and a hard place. Otherwise known as the Tempest crew... and Jaal.

* * *

 

 

     “Alright guys, thanks for coming,” Ryder said tiredly, leaning against the conference table, arms crossed over her chest, not quite able to meet anyone’s gaze. “Didn’t really want to do this, but it seems I don’t have much choice.”

     Peebee pushed her lips out and shot her hand up straight, wiggling her fingers eagerly.

     She shook her head and made a subtle gesture with her hand, still comfortably tucked under her bosom. “No, I’m not taking questions and no, I’m not giving details,” she said wryly, rolling her eyes and offering the smallest smile when the asari exhaled softly in disappointment, her arm slowly sinking back to her side. “It’s come to my attention that I’ve caused… a bit of a stir, this shore leave.”

     “More than a stir, all of Aya is talking about it now,” Vetra quipped smugly, hands cupping her elbows comfortably, a twinkle in her eye as she looked at Ryder.

     “... yeah, I’m kind of aware of that,” she cleared her throat, scratching the back of her neck. “Anyway, just wanted to put the… whatever, to rest. Yes, you saw what you saw. Yes, that’s why I haven’t been around, and yes, it’s a thing.”

     The crew exchanged not-so-discreet glances with each other; Kallo looked around, completely puzzled at why this meeting was even occurring, Lexi rubbed her cheek and smiled ruefully at her, Gil motioned an open palm to Peebee and Suvi, who muttered and pulled out their omni-tools, Drack watched her with dry amusement, Vetra and Cora nudged each other knowingly, Liam’s jaw gaped open, and he darted his eyes quickly to Jaal, who simply stared at her with an inscrutable look. She met his steady gaze briefly, brow furrowed with mild confusion, before pinching the bridge of her nose and groaning as she watched Gil, Peebee and Suvi quietly twittering to themselves.

     “Well that’s that anyway, I don’t have anything more to add,” Ryder said after a while, her skin beginning to crawl as she felt the angaran’s eyes watching her far too close for comfort. “Lexi’s given me the all-clear for combat and biotics, thankfully, so our next stop is Kadara. Have some loose ends to tie up, and maybe a brief respite before we finally follow that kett transponder. Dismissed.”

     Everyone nodded and began to shuffle out, murmuring to each other rather excitedly, but Jaal lingered behind, and Ryder felt her stomach churn forcefully. “Ryder, may we talk?” he asked softly, and she couldn’t help but note his voice sounded strained.

     “Um… yeah, of course. Right now or… can it wait a bit? I’m kind of… needing a nap,” she said awkwardly, unsure of how else to say it, painfully aware of the implications. Her stomach dropped to her feet when she caught the barest flinch from the angaran, and he slowly pressed his lips together.

     “I would rather not wait,” he replied with a furrowed brow, and she saw something behind his eyes, but couldn’t quite tell what it was. Either way, she knew she couldn’t avoid it; Evfra had taken the choice out of her hands moment he decided to walk her to the ship. Was that why he wanted her to come see him? That devious, machiavellian, smug asshole…

     “I’m gonna assume you wanna speak privately, with the way you’re looking at me,” she gestured towards him with a tilt of her chin. “We can talk in my quarters; mind if I make some tea first?”

     “Of course,” Jaal assented with a brief nod, clasping his hands loosely behind his back as he walked beside her, the air growing so thick between them she found her breaths becoming shallower.

     Little knots continued to form in her stomach as they headed down the pathway, everyone’s eyes on her once again as they watched Jaal walking somberly with her, and the whispers continued as they headed down the hall towards the galley. Motherfucker. Just when she thought it couldn’t be any worse. She was going to _kill_ Evfra. She didn’t like public attention or scrutiny on most days, and only ever on her precise terms, and her resentment towards the Resistance leader grew with every step she took.

     She let out a shaky sigh as they entered the galley, and she put on some hot water, suddenly turning to look at Jaal, who leaned against the table carefully. “You want some?”

     “Yes, Suvi has introduced me to tea recently, and I’ve found it rather enjoyable. Thank you,” he replied, and something continued to scratch at the back of her brain. Something about raspiness in his voice, or the odd compactness to his words. It didn’t fit.

     There was a sense of dreaded anticipation that wove in and around the silence between them; the only sound to be heard was the water beginning to simmer. She reached for some mugs robotically, and filched through the few boxes of teabags that Suvi had generously offered for communal use. “What do you want; peppermint, lemon ginger or raspberry?”

     “Which will you be having?”

     “Lemon ginger, I think,” she mused after a moment, turning back to look at him inquisitively, forcing herself not to stare and watch him more closely. Regardless of what she found there, she knew it wasn’t going to make her feel any better, or make their impending ‘talk’ any easier.

     “The same for me then.”

     “Mkay,” she said with a shaky exhale, digging her fingers into her waist as she hugged her stomach lightly. She might legitimately throw up this time. This time it might not just be in her head. He didn’t offer any words as they waited for the water to boil, which felt like a lifetime before it finally did, and neither did she. What was there to say? It was obvious what he wanted to talk about, but why?

     Yeah, he sent her an email once that had her spirits soaring. And just as quickly they came crashing down. For her it was simple, and humiliatingly painful. She felt something. Something big, something sudden, something far more tender than she’d expected. And she spent a helluva long time harbouring it; trying to express it, nurture it, whatever. She struggled through the confusion, the crumbs of attention, him flirting with anyone that had a pair of breasts on the ship. And just when she thought she’d gotten somewhere, just when she thought she’d gotten through to him…

     Voeld happened.

     She went through the full gamut of rage and confusion and bitterness, every emotion that could associated with what felt like a hurtful betrayal. She gave up, told herself she had to move on. And truth be told, she was doing a pretty shitty job of it.

     … until Evfra showed up at her table.

     The kettle whistled cheerfully and she poured two steaming mugs of tea, carefully giving Jaal his as she grabbed hers and crossed the few steps into her room. She curled up on one edge of the couch and licked her lower lip, watching him uncertainly as he took a seat on the opposite end. “So. You wanted to talk,” she prompted gently, wondering why she was even bothering to to press him. She didn’t want to have this talk, didn’t want to talk about herself, _or_ him, _or_ Evfra. None of it. She’d proven for several weeks just how inept she was at using her words, she didn’t need another opportunity to stick her foot in her mouth.

     “Yes. I was-- _am,_ very upset by what I witnessed on the docks,” he said quietly, blowing the steam rising from his cup before looking at her directly, causing her to suck in a sharp breath as the mask fell from his face; a muddle of confusion, hurt and anger artfully painted on his features.

     Her stomach flip-flopped and she shifted uncomfortably, tucking her legs underneath herself, her mind struggling to understand what he just said. “... upset?” she repeated, unable to hide her quizzical tone. “I don’t understand.”

     “How could you not?” he replied immediately, his voice grating slightly, as though the velvet in it was beginning to fray at the edges. “You knew perfectly well how I felt-- feel, about you. And I hoped-- I thought, you had reciprocated those feelings.”

     Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she sighed as she felt that buried spark of anger start to bubble far beneath the surface. “I knew how you felt? How exactly was I supposed to know that?” she snapped, bristling at his strained accusations, chest tightening and stomach churning fitfully.

     “You got the email I sent, didn’t you? I don’t know how much clearer I could have been. I laid my heart open, placed my feelings at your feet,” he began, his voice suddenly uncertain as he saw a dark frown beginning to form on her face. “You… I thought you’d expressed romantic interest. I had… I was confirming I felt the same, I… hadn’t I?”

     “I got your email. It made my day, my week, hell it made my year,” she said bitterly, her fingers wrapping tightly around her mug as she blew on it and took a small sip. “It was the closest thing I got to any kind of progress with you, but that burst into flames really damned quick.”

     Jaal’s eyes lit up for a moment at her admission, though it quickly became pained at the last, looking away for a moment as his eyes grew distant. “Because of Evfra.”

     “No, you ass, not because of him,” she replied sharply, far more angry than she’d meant to sound. “Do you even… do you have any clue how much I like you-- liked you? At all? I bent over backwards, for _weeks_ , trying to express interest; to get to know you, understand you, your people. For fuck’s sake I went to the goddamned Moshae to learn because it was like pulling teeth getting anything from you! And yet I stuck through it, beyond all logical reason, like a perfect and complete asshole, watching as I got ignored in favor of… well anything with tits on the ship.”

     His eyes scanned the table back and forth quickly, as though overwhelmed by what she was saying, opening his mouth to speak, then slowly pressing his lips together. “You went to the Moshae for… me?”

     “Oh my god! How can someone so beautiful and brilliant be so stupid? Or am I really just that shit with my words?” she cried in exasperation, taking another swift sip before putting her mug down and throwing her hands in the air. “I mean, I know I’m shit but am I _that_ bad? I was starstruck the moment you spoke. Like what the fuck, so drawn in, so hard, it was pathetic. Pathetic because you could barely give me the time of day, but all the other girls? My god, you were smooth as butter. Though I’m beginning to suspect that’s just a cultural norm.”

     Jaal sucked in a breath, slow and raw, rubbing his cheek with a confounded expression on his face. “I had eyes for no other-- you believed I was… flirting? With the other female crew?”

     Ryder arched an eyebrow and gave him a slack-jawed, deadpan stare, slouching forward and looking at him as though he had three heads. “... are you serious?”

     “But I haven’t-- I wasn’t!” he exclaimed, frustration written on his brow as he leaned back against the couch arm, the sudden implications of a deep misunderstanding beginning to dawn on him. “I was… comfortable, with the other women on the Tempest. They were open, friendly, I was only reciprocating what they displayed. You were-- you still are, a fascinating and beautifully tangled mystery to me. One that I was desperate to solve. You… unnerved me.”

     “... what?” she jerked her head back, clutching the back of her neck tightly in disbelief. “Me? I made you nervous? What the fuck?”

     “Quite, in a way I haven’t felt in… a very long time. Unnerved and entranced,” he murmured, finally taking a long sip of his tea, a soft rumbling noise of approval as he tasted it. “This was a good choice, I like it.”

     Ryder shook her head and waved her hands, her stomach quickly compressing into one small, impossibly tight iron ball. “Wait wait wait, let me get this straight: _I_ made _you_ nervous. You were… you were the way you were with me because…”

     “Because I had no idea how to speak with you,” he said sheepishly, pursing his lips as he shifted on the couch. “You peppered me with more questions than I could answer, none of them subjects I actually wanted to discuss with you. I wanted to know who you were, where you came from, how it was you came to be the woman you are now. I wanted to understand what it was about you that allowed you to do all you’d done in the span of weeks, where my entire people had failed for decades. I wanted to know how it was your Initiative came to look to you, how it was you could shoulder responsibility beyond your years, beyond what anyone could handle, and seem so unaffected by it. But you were a closed door to me, in a way you weren’t with anyone else.”

     She unfurled her legs and brought her knees to her chest, her whole body compressing as she tried to understand the fervent and accusing words that were coming out of his mouth. She pressed fingers into her temples roughly, shaking her head and groaning. “You… what? What?? No, no this doesn’t make sense. I was an ass for you, the most idiotic bumbling fool around you. All I did was clam up or stick my foot in my mouth because… I mean, I was an alien, you were an alien. I didn’t understand, I tried to and I couldn’t and… oh my god, what the fuck…”

     “If you were one, I was doubly so. Sometimes I thought perhaps there was a glimmer of… when I found you on the balcony, that evening we spent together, listening to music. I hoped, but… who was I? You are a beacon of light, to your people and mine. You carry the galaxy on your shoulders, you are a force of nature in combat; wild and chaotic, with a power like I’ve never seen. And off the field, suddenly an icy, hard-fisted control. And the passion that stirs my very being… suddenly it’s gone. I am cut off, and there is a veil in front of your eyes. You hid from me.” His words tumbled out in a long spew, forceful as though he’d been containing them for some time, and even she could see the faintest blue tinge to his cheeks when he’d finished. He gave her a reproachful look, followed by a pained sense of betrayal, one that resonated in her core. But rather than gaining empathy, it simply shook the embers of an anger she’d fought to squelch.

     “No. No! I don’t believe that. I… I can’t believe that,” she stuttered, her chest tightening as she ran her fingers through her hair, biting her lip and frowning at him. “How could you… how could you see all that in me, feel all that, and then spend all your time flirting with the girls?? You sent me that email and then... Voeld. Voeld! You can’t tell me that wasn’t flirting! What the fuck were you thinking? That was not okay!”

     Jaal dropped his mug on the coffee table and leaned forward, hands pressing into his thick thighs. “But I wasn’t flirting! I would never-- you were the only one I could see. From the moment I saw you, from the moment you spoke… what comparison is there to you? None. What’s more I’d made myself clear, finally, I managed to find the words and relay them to you. I would never-- angara are open with our emotions, but we don’t toy with the feelings of others. I would never purposely hurt you like that.”

     “But you did anyways. It still fucking hurt,” she said hoarsely, turning away from him and picking up her cup, staring into it and wrinkling her face a bit before she took a gulp. “There I was, thinking holy shit, that letter can’t be real. But it was, I let myself believe it was. It didn’t make sense to me, I couldn’t… but you sent it. And then with Peebee. You’d been talking about her with Vetra more than once, and the way you talked to her in the Nomad, all day that day. The way-- that was it. I couldn’t take it, I just… I broke.”

     He let out a long sigh, covering his face with a hand, pressing a finger between his brows. “... I’m a fool. I didn’t intend-- I didn’t think it would be read that way, I thought you knew. If I had-- Peebee… it’s easier to talk to her than with the rest of you. There is an openness in the asari that felt familiar, comfortable, in a place where everything was odd and alien. We have an easy rapport, a friendly understanding, we can joke and be ourselves together. Yes, she can be flirtatious but I didn’t reciprocate-- I didn’t realize how our banter may have looked. I’ve only just begun to realize how rare emotional expressiveness is in your galaxy. For us, being free with our emotions isn’t the same as being free with our affection, our loyalty, our… interest.”

      Ryder continued to drink silently, finding difficulty swallowing as his words continued, everything inside her writhing with stubborn confusion, and maddening understanding. “It didn’t look that way, it didn’t feel that way. It felt… shitty. Just shitty,” she finally muttered, sliding her cup on the table and propping her feet on it as she slunk back against the couch, covering her face with a hand. “What the fuck… I gave up. I couldn’t do it to myself anymore. There was no point.”

     “... and that is why I saw what I saw. At the HQ… I couldn’t believe my eyes, my ears. He’s never-- he has never, not since-- I didn’t want to believe it. But then when we picked you up…” Jaal said quietly, hunching over on his knees. “I did this, didn't I? I failed to see, failed to act, failed to… the entire time...”

     “The entire time,” she said softly, her words raw and torn, glancing his way and feeling her throat constrict as his hands gracefully formed tight fists.

     “If I had been clearer, if I had come to you sooner…”

     “We wouldn’t be here now. Or maybe we would, but not like this,” she nodded, curling up onto her side, facing him, watching him with a mix of heart-ripping regret and utter mystification.

     “And so I lost you, before I even had you?” he asked gently, finally turning to her, equal regret and apology thick in his voice as he met her eyes, turning onto his side as well, looking at her searchingly.

     “I…” Her heart started to race, and her stomach felt like it was being forced through a meat grinder. Everything was raw and disjointed and painful. “When I… when Evfra came, I didn’t know-- about you, I mean. And I didn’t plan-- it just… happened.”

     “He sees the same in you that I do, that we all do, though I wouldn’t be surprised if he never said it outright,” Jaal said dryly, an odd combination of mirth and bitterness in his voice. “But there is a reason he leads the Resistance, and I don’t. He was wise enough to hold on to you from the start.”

     Ryder rubbed her cheek uncertainly, brow furrowed as her mind attempted to focus on Evfra, but her thoughts kept drawing back to Jaal, and she found herself staring at him with horror and wonder. “I don’t understand… it doesn’t make sense. How could it-- how could I feel so-- how could you feel… how could it go so wrong?”

     “If I knew that, I don’t think we’d be here now,” he said with a tight smile, exhaling shakily before hesitantly reaching for her hand. “Before I was upset, angry, hurt. I thought you had betrayed me, that you tossed my feelings aside with an alien flippancy. Now I see… I only hurt us both, without knowing. Sorry does not begin to cover how I feel now.”

     The expression on his face made her gasp, as though she’d just taken a hard blow to the chest and the wind had been knocked out of her; the yearning, the regret, a warmth and tenderness akin to adoration, and pain, all blurring together. Things she couldn’t see, couldn’t recognize until now. But maybe it was always there, if only she’d been able to get out of her head.

     He was always there.

     It was like a large and jagged knife had been pressed ruthlessly into her belly, and everything she’d been holding in began spilling out onto the floor. She bit her lip and narrowed her eyes, feeling them start to flood in spite of herself, staring at his open palm.

     Digging her teeth into her lip harder, she screwed her face as she laid her hand in his, feeling how small it was as he closed his fingers around it and moved in closer. “I never meant to toy with your feelings, tell me you understand that now?” he asked gently, brushing his thumb on her skin idly, and she felt a familiar warmth spreading onto her hand from his fingers. It only made her stomach churn that much worse.

     “Yeah, I get it,” she said raspily, turning away as she felt a tear or two spill down her cheeks, quickly bringing the heel of her hand up, attempting to haphazardly erase them from existence. “I get it now.”

     “Ryder...” The word was a breathless sigh off his lips, so thick with emotion that she could slice a knife through it. And before she knew it, he’d pulled her into his arms, wrapping them around her almost protectively. She froze for half a second, when she felt the strange, electric angaran warmth emanating from him, melting into him against her better judgement, jaw clenched tight as she tried to fend off further tears from escaping.

     They stayed like that for what felt like an age; Jaal rubbing her back, keeping her warm as she shivered silently, his shirt became increasingly damp, through completely mysterious means. Just when she thought the emotional rollercoaster was over, there he was again, always managing to throw a spanner in the works. “Perhaps I’ve no right to ask, but will you forgive my blind foolishness?” he murmured, his fingers running over her hair soothingly. She nodded vaguely against him, her chest constricting beyond understanding, making her suck in a sharp breath. This was wrong, it was all wrong.

     He pulled back slowly and smiled at her, wiping the wet off her cheeks with his thumbs. “Finally, I can see you,” he commented with a quiet sigh, squeezing her arms gently before resting his arm along the back of the sofa. “And you are more beautiful than I imagined.”

     “God, it _is_ a cultural thing. Fucking smooth, the lot of you. Why do you have to say such gut-wrenching bullshit?” she groaned, pushing his chest roughly as she took her seat again, rubbing her eyes tiredly as she slumped against the cushions. “You couldn’t say dick-all to me before, and now you have so much to say, all the heart-stopping, poetic agony in the world. _Now_ , after everything.”

     “Do you regret this conversation? I don’t. The way is open between us now, regardless of how we might walk it,” Jaal reasoned with a smile, though a smirk tugged at the far corner of his mouth. “And after the pain I caused you, you deserve no less than every last ounce of my truth. And if it's sweet to your ears, all the better.”

     “Oh shut up, honestly. I think I hate you both equally,” Ryder groused, grabbing the pillow behind her and tossing it at his head. “Honesty, poetry, openness; tugs at the heartstrings, makes my belly flutter, fogs up my head. Just stop it with your angaran witchcraft already, a girl can only take so much.”

     He dodged the pillow with a surprised chuckle, brow furrowed with unabashed wonder; feeling the free emotion in her words. “Witchcraft is only for the most special of occasions. Like birthdays, or holidays.”

     “So all of this is what; angaran charm lite, the everyday version?” she scoffed, smoothing her face over her hands, more confused than she was before they’d talked.

     He just smiled and shrugged, propping his chin on his hand, reveling in the moment they were sharing; the veil between them finally drawn.

     Ryder saw the almost dreamy look on his face, the relaxed posture he took on the couch, the smallest and truest smile on his lips, and she made a frustrated noise, snorting as she shook her head. “Goddammit Jaal! Do you actively try to ruin everything, or is it just a natural talent of yours?”

     “It must be natural, because I would never purposely cause you discomfort,” he reasoned calmly, the velvet in his voice rippling freely, tight at the seams once more. “You are tired, I should let you rest. But I would very much enjoy speaking with you again like this, if you would.”

     “We’ll see,” she said shakily, looking at him with narrow-eyed suspicion, though the ends of her mouth fought to curl upwards. “Just what I need, two angaran men driving me batshit crazy.”

     Jaal laughed softly and nodded, finishing his tea and clasping the cup as he stood and made his way towards the door. After a moment he paused, turning back to look at her, with a sudden intensity in his gaze that caught in her throat. “I would never interfere with your choices, nor want anything for you but deep and true happiness. But I will say this; if he fails to treat you like the goddess you are, know that it’s the one thing I would never fail you in, if given half the chance.” His eyes lingered silently, roaming with obvious longing, before a twinkle hung in them, and he left her quarters smoothly.

     Her stomach fluttered a hundred times over, and she shook her head furiously, teeth gritted as she clenched her fists. “... MOTHERFUCKER!”

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (5/27) A/N: The dreaded conversation has come! And the reason for the Jaal/Ryder tag on this story. As usual, really didn't turn out how I thought. Seems our purple angaran is determined to squeeze out a little more salt and add a little more confusion to what was otherwise a very straightforward formula. 
> 
> ... thanks Jaal. 
> 
> Now to tie up the last loose end, called Reyes. I'm sure this will all go well, don't you? ;)
> 
> Hope you have an awesome weekend!


	10. A Dance and a Phone Call

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the wake of a whirlwind weekend and a heart-wrenching conversation with Jaal, Ryder struggles to get her mind off things. And she succeeds, until it's time to tie up that one last roguishly charming loose end...

* * *

 

 

     When Ryder woke up a few hours later, her stomach was still churning and her mind instantly raced at a million miles a minute. “... I'm going to kill him,” she muttered, eyes narrowed as she got out of bed with a huff, reaching down for her pants and slipping them on.

     “Are you referring to Leader Tershaav?” Sam asked calmly, waiting in comfortable silence as she pulled a blue t-shirt over her head.

     “How the hell did he think this was a good idea, putting us on display for everyone to see? He _knew_ something was-- that I feel-- _felt_ something towards Jaal. How did he think that conversation was gonna go?” She ran her finger through her  hair, gripping it tightly as she looked at the mess on her coffee table. The project she'd been working on for him was still there; a medium sized cube covered with a grey cloth. “Fuck! I still have to give this to him, how the hell's that gonna go?”

     “Yes, after your last conversation with our angaran crew mate, I expect it could be… uncomfortable,” he reasoned after a thoughtful pause, making Ryder scoff dryly.

     “You think?”

     “Particularly given the nature and personalization and amount of effort you put in.”

     “Yeah, I know,” she groaned, shaking her head and scrunching her nose as she stared at it doubtfully. “I don't know if I should give it to him anymore.”

     “What will you do with it then?”

     Ryder frowned for a while before shrugging sheepishly. “... could space it out the airlock.”

     Sam didn't reply, and the longer he went without responding the more heavily she could feel his silent disapproval.

     “... not a good idea, huh?”

     “I do not believe so. Your intentions were to make him feel more welcome on the ship. After what transpired, wouldn't reinforcing that sentiment be considered even more prevalent?”

     She glared at nowhere in particular and crossed her arms over her chest, lips pursed tightly before she turned towards the door. “I hate when you make sense. You're too smart for your own good sometimes.”

     “Or alternatively, too smart for yours.”

     “Oh shut up, you win. Don't gloat,” she chuckled, rubbing the back of her neck and sighing softly. “Look, I don't want to think about this anymore. This is… fuck. It's a mess. This didn't make things better, that beautiful bastard made it worse.”

     “To whom are you referring; Jaal or Evfra?”

     “Both!” she snorted, exiting her quarters and heading down the hallway. “For now, let's go to the outpost. I wanna see how they're doing since I gave them the okay to begin building.”

     “Will you also be taking the opportunity to speak with Reyes? When you were with Evfra you mentioned you had some loose ends to tie up. I assumed you were referring to him?”

     Ryder stopped and groaned quietly, covering her face with her hands, a knot forming in the pit of her stomach. “... fuck, I almost forgot. Why'd you have to remind me? Yeah… guess I'll have to-- God, how did I get into this mess? I've _never_ had this kind of… man trouble before. Let's hope this is the last time.”

     Sam thought for a few moments before replying, and she could’ve sworn there was a tinge of amusement in his voice. Oh no, not him too. “It may be, given the level of possessiveness that the Resistance leader displayed, which you seemed to enjoy though you didn't reciprocate it.”

     “Yeah it was… he’s made it crystal clear how he feels, and it’s pretty well known he doesn't like people,” she chuckled, shaking her head and smiling ruefully as her thoughts drifted to her crazy, whirlwind weekend with the snarky angaran.

     “Except you.”

     “Mm, except me.” Ryder's nose curled and she fought her smile from widening goofily, but failed miserably as she bit her lip. “Made for a nice change.”

     “Except your conversation with Jaal brought his feelings to light, and cleared up the misunderstanding between you two. I had begun to wonder how long it would take before you realized his feelings,” he replied with mild interest, and the Pathfinder’s eyes widened in shock.

     “Hold up a second, you knew he had feelings for me?! Even my AI knew before me??” she exclaimed, grateful that the narrow foyer between the crew quarters and the cargo bay was sound proof.

     “It appears so, yes.”

     “How did you know before me? And why the hell didn't you tell me? You just… you just watched me get tangled with Evfra, knowing how Jaal felt, how I felt? I thought we were friends!” She screwed up her face, not sure whether she should laugh or start yelling at her constant companion. Was she really that blind, that clueless?

     … apparently.

     “I learned of his feelings through private conversations he had with various crew members. When I’d inquired about sharing social interactions between your team mates where you were the subject, you gave explicit instructions to ‘leave them be’. I took your advice.” There wasn’t an ounce of remorse or guilt in his voice, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it’s because he didn’t feel any. Likely.

     Ryder groaned and pushed a couple fingers into her cheek roughly, filling it with air before exhaling shakily. “Fuck. So I shot myself in the foot by not being nosy for once. Ugh, this just keeps getting worse… such a clusterfuck.”

     “Has this changed your decision to continue being intimate with Evfra?” The curiosity seemed obvious this time in his tone, though it was gentle, and she ran her fingers along her temple.

     “No… yes. No. I don’t-- I don’t want to think about this right now,” she said finally, her words coming out in a strained and slow staccato. “There are bigger things to worry about, and I have to get my head in the game again. I’ve been out of the field for too long, and this is… it’s too much.”

     “Should I not remind you that you promised Evfra you would call him when you landed on Kadara?”

     “... you just did, you ass,” she smirked, shrugging her shoulders a few times and shaking her fingers out, feeling the start of static start to fritz inside her body. “And I’ll deal with him later, time to be the Pathfinder again.”

     Ryder closed her eyes for a while and took in a slow, deep breath, trying to empty her head of the sudden and vicious emotional rollercoaster she’d found herself on the last few days. Saving the galaxy, saving the galaxy. Finding homes, killing the bad people, being the goddamned hero. Right.

     She could do this.

     The rest of the afternoon went fairly smoothly, all things considered. Cora and Vetra were quick to pick up on Ryder’s cues to not bring up Aya. Or Jaal. Or Reyes. It was too big of a tangled, jumbled mess to try and unravel. Maybe later it would make sense. Maybe if she just forgot about it for a while it’d sort itself out somehow. So for the meantime they headed to the Kadara outpost and spent their time talking to its new occupants; seeing how they were doing, if there was any trouble brewing nearby, showing her face and reassuring them that they weren’t going to be forgotten.

     Her chest simmered with warmth every time she saw a smile on someone’s face as she approached them. Somehow it wiped any cobwebs of doubt or frustration or hopelessness from her mind, knowing that people were doing well, excited to start their new lives, grateful to have a place they could call ‘home’. Screw the up and ups, the pencil pushers, the opinionated bureaucracy. _These_ were the people she fought for, the people she sought homes for, the lives she was trying to protect.

     It was the reminder she needed that colonizing Heleus was more than just an abstract idea, or a series of mathematical equations; what she did made a real and tangible difference, and had real and tangible consequences. These were people with their own lives, their own worries, their own struggles. And picking up small tasks here and there, helping to improve their day to day kept her grounded, in a way she knew was vital. She was all too aware of the responsibility on her shoulders, and the free-reigning power that came with it, and how easily and quickly it could be abused.

     She’d managed to go the entire afternoon without brooding, and made some light-hearted small talk with the girls in between visits. Progress, good. It wasn’t quite as hard as she’d worried, getting back into the swing of things, but as they were heading back to the Tempest for supper, a little knot in her brain tugged gently.

     Reyes.

     Right. She’d better talk to him one way or another, though she wasn’t sure if there was a point to it. When she’d confessed to Cora about their lovely roof-time excursion, the vanguard had argued that maybe that’s all it was; a wonderful stolen moment and nothing more. But the way he’d looked at her…

     Ryder parked the Nomad in front of the lower gates and hopped out, squeezing the back of her neck and idly listening to Cora and Vetra chatting about dinner, and the minor quests they’d picked up at the outpost. As they walked past the slums and towards the elevator at the end of the cavern, she slowed down for a moment and took in a deep and shaky breath. “You guys go on ahead, I’ve got a couple things to take care of,” she said with a tight smile, her words faltering every so slightly. “I’ll be up in a bit.”

     Her teammates exchanged silent and knowing looks before nodding and calling the elevator, and with a nervous shake of her hands, Ryder headed towards Tartarus. Reyes was comfortably ensconced in the upper VIP room, so at least there’d be some modicum of privacy. Now she just had to figure out how not to be awkward as hell as she tried to suss out whether their evening together really meant more, or if it was just another notch on his belt. And for the first time in her life, she was desperately hoping it was the latter.

     She went through the upper entrance into the bar, hoping to not run into anyone, and as she entered she could see that the doors to his room were wide open, with Reyes lounging on the sofa. And to her sinking dread, he picked up on her gaze almost immediately, sitting up straighter with a small smile on his face. “... motherfucker,” she hissed under her breath, offering a small and taut smile, willing herself not to start wringing her hands or shaking them out as her heart started pounding in her chest. “I am going to _kill_ Evfra.”

     Not that he was entirely to blame for the tangled ball of romantic crap she was in, but he was certainly the catalyst for it exploding in her face. Three head-spinning and embarrassingly blissful days together, and he’d managed to suck all the breath from her lungs, _and_ put a stamp on her ass in front of Aya and the Tempest crew in one fell swoop. And the consequences were still rippling outwards. But he didn’t have to deal with the awkward she was no suffering. No, he could simply reap the benefits, and she was resenting him more and more for it. Smug, self-assured asshole.

     “Jill, this is a pleasant surprise. What brings you my way?” Reyes quipped smoothly, a twinkle in his eye as she approached, her smile shaky in return when he stood up and brushed her arms gently.

     Her throat went dry and butterflies flitted around in her stomach viciously, opening her mouth to say something, but nothing came out. She sucked in a sharp breath and furrowed her brow when he tilted his head to catch her confused gaze, and licked her lower lip hesitantly. She seemed to be channeling her brother’s romantic follies so damned easy lately, why hadn’t she also picked up on his gift for gab?

     Reyes scanned her silently, her nervousness and uncertainty painted on every feature of her face, letting out a soft sigh as he squeezed her arms. “So the reports were true; I wasn’t the only one vying for your affections,” he murmured, chuckling and shaking his head as he let go of her and rubbed the back of his neck. “Unsurprising that a woman of your calibre would have multiple suitors.”

     Ryder groaned and scratched the side of her cheek, quickly turning a bright pink as she shrugged helplessly. But as embarrassed as she was feeling, he caught her gaze again, and the warmth in his smile tugged a sheepish laugh out of her. “Suitors, that sounds terribly formal and old-fashioned. It’s not like there’s a long line-up or something.”

     “Maybe not, but I’m not sure I can compete against the likes of Evfra de Tershaav. Now _that_ was a shock to find out; I was almost certain he was a robot, or a eunuch,” he smirked knowingly, eyes dancing when her mouth fell open. “Oh, didn’t you know? The rumors have been flying for days, but I didn’t believe them until now.”

     “You… what? You already knew? Who else knows?!” she exclaimed, her stomach balling into one hard knot, both because he’d found out before she could talk to him, and realizing her private whirlwind weekend wasn’t that private after all. It was making galactic headlines. And it brought forward a wriggling, writhing thought that’d poked in the back of her mind since their clandestine moonlit swim.

     If it had been anyone else in his place, no one would have batted an eyelash, though undoubtedly the crew would tease her regardless. But Evfra was… Evfra. Well known throughout the galaxy, with a reputation for snarky aloofness and a fixation on nothing but the Resistance; the rock that the Angara leaned on. And his open displays of affection and familiarity thrust them both into the spotlight, in a way that gave her increasing anxiety. Maybe if they’d had more time together, seen each other for a while before ‘coming out’ she could shrug it off. But this was too soon, too new, too much.

     “More people than you think, and many more than you’re comfortable with, that much is obvious,” Reyes said wryly, though for a moment she saw a flash of something like disappointment, maybe even hurt, wash over his face. “I hope he realizes what a treasure he has in you.”

     “Ugh, I wish people would stop talking like this. Like he’s won, like he just swooped in and took me off the market. It’s been three days! God!” she hissed in frustration, covering her face with a hand and cursing under her breath.

     “Oh, so are you saying you’re still on the market?” he teased, sneakily wrapping a hand around her waist and nudging her closer, making her cross her arms over her chest, smirking as the space between them grew smaller.

     “I didn’t say that.”

     “Then what are you saying?” he asked, tipping his head and brushing his fingers along her cheek, sweeping upward as he tucked a wavy lock behind her ear.

     Ryder sucked in a sharp breath, momentarily caught in his warm, brown eyes before viciously shaking her head and punching his chest gently. “I’m saying I’m seriously considering joining a nunnery when all’s said and done. I think I’ve had about all I can take of handsome, charming men and their endless supply of stomach-twisting emotions.”

     Reyes laughed and wrapped his arms around her securely, leaning in to kiss her forehead. “I don’t think that’s necessary, I’ve no intention of interfering with your choice. Unless of course, you haven’t made one yet…”

     “Don’t start,” she warned, though she gave him a sly smile and scrunched her nose when she felt his lips. “I just… I don’t know what to think anymore, if I’m going to be honest. This didn’t turn out how I thought it would, at _all_.”

     “Then let’s stop talking about it. You have enough on your shoulders, I won’t add to your troubles,” he said smoothly, letting go of her for a moment as he turned on his omni-tool, scrolling and swiping a couple times. Suddenly music began to swell in the room, a soft and lyrical jazz, and he placed a hand on her back and took her hand with the other, swaying them back and forth in an easy, slow dance.

     “What are you doing?” she asked wryly, sliding a hand up his arm and resting it lightly on his bicep, moving with him as they danced in circles around the room.

     “I promised I’d make it up to you; our terrible first date. What better time than now?” he shrugged, chuckling at the suspicious smile she offered in response. “Oh come on, it’s just a dance.”

     “Uh-huh,” she scoffed in disbelief, laughing in spite of herself when he suddenly spun her outwards and pulled her back in. “I thought you said you weren’t going to add to my troubles.”

     “I thought you said you didn’t want to talk about it anymore. So stop talking,” he smirked, dipping her suddenly with a devilish grin. “We’re just two people dancing together, that’s all.”

     Ryder squeaked when she found herself swept back, her eyes beginning to twinkle as they spun around the room, shaking her head and sighing. “Yeah, okay. Just dancing.”

     They fell into a comfortable silence after that, swaying to the music, but her stomach continued to alternate between fluttering and churning. She could feel his breath on the side of her head, the way his thumb brushed her back as they moved and she was suddenly reminded of the way he’d tasted; honey and cinnamon. No no no, not the time to start thinking about that, not the time to add to the pile of confusion. Just two people dancing, that’s all, just dancing.

     “... no regrets, whatever happens,” he murmured with a smile, ducking his head lower and sighing softly against her neck.

     “... no regrets,” she replied quietly, biting her lip and smiling, squeezing his hand for a moment as another song began.

     One last dance and she finally (and somewhat reluctantly) made her way out of Tartarus, and back onto the Tempest. There was a lightness in her step and though her mind was still muddled, at least some knots had begun to unravel. The conversation had gone amazingly well, compared to Jaal, and there were certainly no hard feelings between them. Altogether a pleasant way to end things, though the easy rapport between them, the way they naturally seemed to get one another tugged gently in her belly. In another life maybe, if things had been different…

     She wasn’t given any time to let her imagination roam free, as the moment she was on board, Kallo paged her on her omni-tool.

     “Pathfinder, you have a missed call from Evfra de Tershaav. He requested that you call him as soon as you return.”

     “... uh-huh, thanks,” she said dryly, groaning inwardly as she made her way towards the galley.

     “You also have new email on your private terminal, from Evfra,” Sam said helpfully, and she shook her head and waved a hand dismissively as she tried to plan what she was going to eat.

     “It can wait,” she muttered, smiling tightly at Liam, Peebee, Cora and Vetra; all nestled around the small table as they ate their dinners, nearly done already. “Hey guys.”

     “Pathfinder, there is an incoming call… from Evfra,” the salarian suddenly spoke up again, and she didn’t miss the hint of amusement in his voice.

     “Tell him I’m busy, I’ll call him later,” she said, cheeks turning red as her team mates gave her smirking, knowing looks. “Oh shut up.” She sighed shakily and grabbed a few nutrition bars, suddenly no longer in the mood to sit down and socialize. Just when she was starting to unwind, settle down…

     “Another email, Pathfinder,” Sam said aloud, causing everyone to snicker quietly.

     “Someone’s thirsty for your attention,” Liam said wryly, quickly avoiding her death glare, clearing his throat and going back to his supper. “Guess you got him hooked real good.”

     “You kidding? What I wouldn’t give to have that hot piece all over me like that. Then again, _I_ wouldn’t be ignoring his calls,” Peebee said pointedly, grinning widely when the Pathfinder’s narrowed eyes met hers. “Unless of course you’re trying to rile him up on purpose. Nothing like a weekend of angry sex when we go back, am I right?”

     “... I hate you all,” she muttered, a blend of agitation and embarrassment contorting her face as she escaped back to her quarters, unable to ignore the loud laughter that echoed out from the galley.

     She didn’t bother to check her emails and instead went straight for the couch, plopping herself down with a scowl as she ripped the packaging of her bar open and took a large and annoyed bite. She’d just been starting to think of pasta and garlic bread, but she’d lost any and all appetite in the wake of Evfra’s persistent attempts to reach her. He was probably pissed off that she didn’t call him right away like she’d promised. He certainly didn’t seem like the type of person to tolerate orders that weren’t followed down to the letter.

     But who the hell was he to order her around? She was the goddamned Pathfinder! She didn’t answer to anyone, much less a man who’d managed to turn her personal and romantic life upside down and inside out so effortlessly and unapologetically. With a look and a kiss and a breathy word and a pat of her bum, she was undone and everything quickly unraveled afterward. Was she supposed to be grateful for the gut-wrenching conversation with Jaal, for the horrid way the truth came spilling out? She was still smarting about it if she were honest with herself, there was still a raw ache in her chest at realizing how close they’d been to coming together. _This_ close.

     “Pathfinder, Evfra is calling again. Kallo has put him on a private channel for you,” Sam said quietly, and Ryder threw her hands up in the air and cursed loudly, chewing quickly as she reached for an open bottle of water on the coffee table.

     “Jesus Christ! Put him on then.”

     Almost immediately an all too familiar and husky voice growled at her. “ _Ryder_.”

     “What? Are you on fire?” she snapped, taking another bite as she crossed her legs and arms on the couch, slinking back and bristling with irritation.

     “If I were, would I be calling you?” Evfra said dryly, though the undercurrent of annoyance and barely contained anger glimmered brightly.

     “Then why the hell are you riding my dick so hard? Jesus, I know I said I’d call but I’ve been kind of busy. Cause you know, Pathfinder,” she grumbled, squeezing the back of her neck as she chewed slowly, stomach flip-flopping in a nauseating rhythm.

     “It would have taken seconds, there’s no excuse for this childish behavior,” he said irritably, and she could easily imagine him crossing his arms over his chest.

     “Childish, I’m childish? You’re the one spamming me with calls and emails! If Aya hasn’t imploded there’s no good reason why you couldn’t have waited for me to get back to you,” she huffed, kicking the coffee table lightly and glaring at the floor.

     “I see. You expected me to wait in line with everyone else? As though I had nothing better to do?”

     “Oh my god, don’t. Don’t you pull that whole ‘I’m the Resistance leader and lives depend on me and you better do what I say’ crap. I’m not one of your underlings. I’m the fucking Pathfinder, I’ve got the whole galaxy to sort out. And it’s my first day back to work and the last thing I want or need is shit from you just because I was a little late calling!” Ryder threw her hands up in the air again, tossing her bars onto the coffee table as she sat up and began to pace.

     “And the last thing I want or need is to be dismissed and treated so disrespectfully by the one person whose absence I feel so keenly,” he growled, stewing in silence while Ryder felt herself getting socked in the stomach by his words.

     She opened her mouth to retort, but felt her frustrated bitchiness start to dwindle at his words. Goddammit. After everything he’d done, everything he’d dropped into her lap, how the hell did he still manage to tug on her heartstrings so damned hard, even when he was being a pissy asshole?

     “I might have been more understanding, if I hadn’t received reports of the ‘work’ you were doing today. Kindly explain how dancing with Reyes was relevant to colonizing the galaxy?” His words were sharp and pointed, laden with icy condescension as her heart dropped to her stomach.

     “Wait wait wait… how do you even know about that? What the fuck? How the hell does everyone else manage to know my business?” she scoffed, running her fingers through her hair in disbelief. “Is that what this is about? You’re pissed cause I danced with a guy?”

     “I’m angry because you could lose yourself in the arms of another man, while refusing to offer me the least amount of thought or consideration. One call, Ryder, when you landed. You promised.”

     “Jesus, I know. I’m an asshole, I didn’t do what I said I’d do,” she groaned, flopping back onto the bed and covering her face with a hand. “Honestly, you’re such a tight-ass. I was gonna call.”

     “If you're incapable of sticking to your word with the smallest of tasks, do you expect me to trust you with something larger?” His tone had dropped to a low-burning simmer, but she could almost hear how tightly his jaws were clenched.

     Ryder groaned childishly and rolled onto her stomach, burying her face in the blankets for a moment before turned her head to the side and sighed in defeat. “Fuck. I didn’t want to talk to you, okay? So I put it off.”

     “Why?” One syllable, stiff and demanding.

     “Cause I’m pissed at you!” she grumbled loudly, huffing and squirming slightly on the covers.

     “Explain.”

     “Because you’ve ruined everything! You turned it all upside down and inside out and-- in front of everyone! Jaal roped me into talking to him the moment I got on board and-- I had to address the crew about what they saw! And then Jaal-- fuck… and then if that wasn’t heart-ripping enough, then Reyes and-- he already knew! You just stirred the pot that is my personal life, giving no fucks whatsoever. I’m the one who has to deal with this bullshit, and you’re bitching cause I was late for a phone call? What about me, asshole? What about the mess you left me with?” Ryder’s eyes narrowed onto the back of the couch, and felt her chest puff up at his prolonged stony silence.

 _Ha_.

     “You spoke to Jaal.”

     “Yes.”

     “You said it was heart-ripping.”

     “ _Yes_.”

     “... why?”

     There was the faintest note of hesitance in his voice, and it was the first time he’d sounded anything but arrogantly confident. And beyond all reason, it squeezed her heart tightly and painfully. “It just… was.”

     “Tell me.”

     “It all came out in one long, messy tumble. He’d had feelings for me the whole time, and I had no idea. He didn’t realize how things looked, seemed like he was flirting with everyone else and-- ugh. We had feelings for each other, and neither of us knew it. So stupid, so awkward, so awful.” Ryder sighed and rubbed her cheek, balling a fist into her stomach and pressing against it roughly. She could just feel the smallest wave of nausea start at the thought of her words with Jaal earlier that morning.

     “I see. But now you know…” Evfra’s words trailed off but there was an air of expectancy about them, waiting for her to finish that thought.

     “Yeah, and it doesn’t really matter at the end of the day, does it? None of it matters, just serves to make me feel like the biggest, stupidest asshole alive. Cause you showed up, out of fucking _nowhere_ , and that was it. You spun everything out of place, making everything tingle from head to toe, stir this shit up before I leave, force me to have painful and awkward conversations… and yet you’re so fucking _whatever_ with your words that I still feel like the bad guy. How’s that fair?” she snapped, starting to feel the annoyance and irritability from the first half of her day beginning to boil over again.

     Best case scenario, she expected him to fall silent with some kind of stony and stubborn but unspoken regret. But instead? Evfra laughed, huskily and warmly. “I suppose it’s not, if you put it like that.”

     “Of course it’s not! You’re a dick!” she said insistently, fighting a smile when he sighed contentedly, and she could imagine him scratching his chest with amusement.

     “I’ll have to make it up to you when you come home,” he said easily, and there was no dismissing the rough velvetiness in his words, sending shivers straight to her pelvis.

     “No no no, don’t you start with this angaran hoodoo magic crap. You don’t get to just put your sexy voice on and think I’m gonna stop being mad,” she scoffed, sitting up and scowling as she crossed her arms over her chest.

     “Of course I do,” he quipped, and she could just feel the smug smirk on his lips, and she half-wished he was there so she could remove it with her fist.

     “No you don’t! This is ridiculous; I’ve had a really weird and fucked up day, and you don’t get to just do all of...  _that_ , and make it better.”

     “Why not?”

     She opened her mouth to answer, then frowned when she realized she didn’t have one. Why couldn’t he? Hell, shouldn’t he? It was his fault after all. “Just… because.”

     “Are you in your quarters?”

     “Yeah, why?”

     “I wanted to know what level of privacy we had.”

     “Oh.”

     “What time is it there?”

     “Early evening.”

     “Hm, so you’re not undressed yet.”

     Ryder’s jaw dropped and she could feel her whole body beginning to heat up. “... you are such a perv,” she said, though her tone wasn’t nearly as annoyed and accusing as she’d wanted.

     “Where you’re concerned, of course.”

     A disbelieving laugh escaped her lips and her eyes widened, unable to stop the smile from hanging on her face. “Incorrigible.”

     “You enjoy it.”

     “Maybe,” she mumbled resentfully, covering a cheek with a hand and scuffing one foot with the other gently.

     “When will you be going to bed?”

     “In a few hours I guess. Why?”

     “You should call me before you sleep.” There was a low-rumbling grit in his voice and she swallowed hard as she felt her pelvis throb once; hard and loud.

     “...”

     Again, she could hear the maddening smugness in his voice. “... you will, won’t you?”

     “Maybe,” she said breathlessly, clearing her throat and walking to the coffee table to get a few sips of water. Was there a ship malfunction? How come it was suddenly so hot in her room?

     “ _Do_.” A single word; how’d he always manage to pack so much into a single word? Thick, electric, demanding. And once again, her mind started blurring around the edges.

     “... I gotta go,” she said after a few awkward moments of silence, her brain happily coaxing her back to recent memories of lips and bare skin and fingers and-- “Yeah, I gotta go.”

     “If you’re going to start pleasuring yourself, I expect to stay on the line,” he replied with a chuckle, and it only made her blush more furiously. “I’ll be very angry if I missed hearing you sing.”

     “Oh my god stop! I’ve gotta go, not to pleas-- I have work to do and you’re… bad for my health right now.” Ryder stumbled over her words, huffing irritably when he laughed again; warm and full and throaty.

     “Very well, I wouldn’t want to interrupt your work. Before you sleep then,” he said smoothly, and she scrunched her nose as her stomach fluttered.

     “We’ll see, think it might do me some good to go one night without your brain-fogging, toe-curling, heart-thumping nonsense,” she said wryly, shaking her hands out as she felt her blood pressure continue to rise.

     “You resent how easily I arouse you,” Evfra quipped, humming with smug self-satisfaction. “I fail to see how that’s a problem.”

     “I just-- I can’t with you right now. You're insane. You're too much; people like you don’t and maybe shouldn’t exist, cause you’ve been giving me palpitations one way or another for most of the day.” Ryder furrowed her brow and attempted to sound stern or irritable or anything to hide what was really happening; melting and throbbing and all sorts of delicious fluttering.

     He laughed again, and she felt it like a brush of feathers up her spine. “Always so easily flustered, almost adorable, I’d say.”

     “I’m hanging up on you,” she warned, rubbing her face quickly with her hand a few times and shaking her hand out again. “I’ll talk to you later.”

     “Before you go to bed,” he reminded her, both firmly and mirthfully.

     “Shut up! Good bye, Evfra,” she groaned, swiping on her omni-tool and grumbling as she stretched out her tingling limbs. “Ugh, Sam where’s Drack?”

     “Second floor of the cargo bay,” the AI replied immediately, and with a terse nod she headed that way, lips pursed with determination.

     Moments later she approached the hulking krogan, thrumming quietly to himself as he polished his gun, catching her eye and watching her quietly. “Hey kid,” he said with a bare nod, pushing his lips out slightly as he waited to see what she wanted.

     “Yeah, so… I know we just came off of a session but…” Ryder’s words were soft and discreet, not wanting to alert anyone, but she gave him a meaningful look that elicited a hoarse chuckle. “... I kind of need another one....”

     “So soon?” he chuckled dryly, though he gave her a rough slap on the arm.

     “You wouldn't believe the week I've had,” she grinned, letting out a heavy sigh and making a quiet noise. “Could really use some krogan talk therapy right now...”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (6/19) A/N: Omg, I'm still alive!!
> 
> XDDDDD
> 
> Firstly, sincere apologies that it's been this long between updates; needed to stew on what was coming up for the two MEA stories and I figured it was better to let it simmer than rush it and force something out. 
> 
> Secondly, while those stories sat on the back-burner, I ended up reworking a DAI fic I'd started several months ago. It's now posted if you're at all interested or curious as to what I've been up to (because I never actually *stop* writing XD). 
> 
> "Mirrors" is my twisty 'what if' fic if Hawke (female mage) had played a larger role in DAI, and all the wonderful and colorful trouble that would inevitably follow. Currently listing a couple diff pairings (mainly Hawke/Solas + Hawke/Bull), but at least for the moment it'll likely be Hawke/Solas in the end. Cause if anyone can turn that brilliantly graceful, condescending, ethereal and aloof elven god, Hawke can ;)
> 
> Hope you've all been well while I've been 'quiet' and that you enjoy the latest installment of "Evfra is a goddamned shmexy unicorn" XD Before, Between and After will also be getting an update in a couple days!
> 
> Thanks for your patience, your support, your comments, all the love you guys have shown to my stories. It seriously, truly, deeply boggles my mind. I don't think I'll ever get over it, in the best way possible.
> 
> You are AWESOME <3


	11. Negotiations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recent events left Ryder feeling a little too self-conscious to schedule another therapy session too soon, so instead she turns her attention towards the two things in her head besides a certain blue angaran; her brother Jack, and the Resistance.

* * *

 

 

     It’d been nearly a week since Ryder had asked Drack for some more krogan therapy, but she’d been stalling about setting a time and place. The truth was she was embarrassed she even brought it up. Normally she was so unflappable, practically stoic. She could take any challenge head on without batting an eyelash, she always had: the Archon, the fate of the galaxy, interspecies diplomacy? Sure, she could fumble her way through it and shrug off any self-doubts, but one angaran man (okay, _two_ angaran men) and she was suddenly on the proverbial therapist’s couch at every turn, flailing about like a chicken with its head cut off.

     No, she wasn’t going to be that person. She wasn’t going to let one man frazzle her into a mind-blurring tizzy after a couple weeks. No. She was better than that. She had more self-control and willpower than that.

     … didn’t she?

     They were on their way to the Nexus when Sam found the Pathfinder flopped on the bed and staring at the ceiling, tossing a bouncy ball up in the air rhythmically. They’d finished most of the tasks on Ryder’s list for Kadara; it was time to report in and see how things were going on the space station before they chased after the kett transponder. There was a sinking feeling in her gut about it though she couldn’t say why or where it came from, but something wasn’t right. Then again, had anything been right since they showed up in Heleus?

     “Ryder, how are you?” Sam asked quietly, though by her furrowed brow and pursed lips, it was clear the inquiry was based on politeness more than anything.

     “We’re almost at the Nexus,” she said idly, throwing the blue ball up in the air and catching it again easily.

     “Yes.”

     “... I really should go visit Jack.” A pregnant pause filled the room, and she clutched the ball tightly in her fingers before reluctantly tossing it again. “Haven’t seen him since they first took him out of the pod.”

     “Why? You’ve stated more than once you two are very close,” the AI observed curiously, and she imagined him scratching his chin.

     Ryder let out a heavy sigh and rolled onto her stomach, wriggling until she was half-hanging over the edge, and began to bounce the ball against the wall. “I meant to come sooner but it was just… they threw me to the wolves the second you brought me back. I had to shove out of my head just to function. And he looks so much like dad… ugh. Might make a decent Pathfinder, but I’ve made for a terrible sister since we got here. I should’ve come, I should’ve been visiting every chance I got. But I just… I didn’t even want to look at him. Shitty of me, isn’t it?”

     The AI fell silent for a few moments, and she sat up on the bed, watching the ball dribble away on the floor. “You’ve taken on more than most, and your losses have been equally great. It is illogical to blame yourself for grieving, or more accurately, for having been unable to.”

     “... yeah. Except logic’s got nothing to do with it.” Ryder gave him a weak and lopsided smile, hugging her arm lightly as she gave it a brisk rub. “Well at least I can see him now, though he isn’t awake yet. If he was they would’ve told me.”

     “I’ve not been notified of any change either, so your assumption is likely correct.”

     The Pathfinder nodded slowly, standing up and stretching her arms high above her head and shrugged her shoulders a few times. “Yeah… gotta talk to Tan too. Been thinking about the Resistance lately.”

     “Unsurprising, given your romantic attachments to its leader.”

     “Yeah… that,” she replied, scrunching her nose slowly and squeezing the back of her neck. “Guess he’s the inspiration for the visit. Wanted to ask Tann about bolstering the Resistance’s numbers. They’re strained to the max and considering they’re just as much of a problem for us, why not work together? Maybe it would ease some of the pressure off Evfra.”

     “Publicly diplomatic and personally considerate. A sound plan of action,” he noted with mild approval, and she sighed as a rueful smile curled her lips.

     “Well, on paper it is but somehow I think neither of them will like it. Still, it makes sense, they just need to get over their distrust. After all, the enemy of my enemy...” Ryder grabbed her jacket off the bed and slid her arms in as she headed out of her quarters, heading for the cargo room when Kallo announced their arrival.

     “An interesting choice of proverb, and not entirely unfounded. Which will you do first; visit Tann or your brother?”

     Ryder groaned slightly as she exited the Tempest and pursed her lips tightly, a small ball of anxiety beginning to harden in her stomach. “Let’s go with the lesser of two evils; Tann.”

     A short tram ride later she found herself walking up the stairs in the Director’s massive open office. She nodded briefly to Cora and gave her a tight smile, her chest puffing up in anticipation of a mild-mannered disagreement. It was always a 50-50 chance whether Tann would go along with her ideas or not, but this was one request she was willing to dig her heels in for. The Initiative and the Resistance would be stronger together, there was no question about it, but the problem was going to be convincing them both. And she already knew who would put up the real fight.

 _Evfra_.

     He’d eased up on her in the last week, but only enough to be barely tolerable. He was prone to being bossy at the best of times, and heart-flutteringly intense all the time, but between that, the distance and the newness, Ryder was feeling the strain. They were both under an incredible amount of stress, and it was clear from their phone calls and smattering of brief emails that she was the only real social or emotional outlet he had. She also knew that something within the Resistance was being sacrificed so he could make any time for her. The guilt she felt over it was growing, and was the main reason why she wanted the Initiative to help.

     He shouldn’t have to make those sacrifices, he should have the freedom to have some sort of a life, same as any other angara. And she was going to do what she could to make sure that happened, even if she had to drag him kicking and screaming to do it. He needed time to de-stress, and maybe it would ease his iron-clad grip on her. She alternately loved and hated it, depending on the day, depending on both their moods when they talked. His singular focus on her was equal parts thrilling and maddening, and she was still trying to decide which outweighed the other.

     … and if he had a little more time, maybe then she could have just _one_ morning to sleep in on Aya, with or without him. Because another pre-sunrise wake-up call and she’d biotically punt him off the balcony. No amount of husky whispers or fondling was going to change the fact that she wasn’t a morning person. Never had been, never would be.

 _Stubborn ass_.

     “Ah, Pathfinder. What brings you to the Nexus?” Tann asked with a wan smile, snapping Ryder from her amused but frustrated train of thought.

     “Diplomatic relations and defensive strategy,” she said casually, placing her hands behind her back and stiffening her shoulders in anticipation of a lengthy but soft-toned argument. “I’d like to request that some of our military be assigned to bolster the Resistance.”

     “Really, and is this request based purely on the mission or is it personal?” the salarian asked lightly, though his eyes narrowed with skeptical amusement.

     “... pardon?” she asked, feeling her stomach drop to her feet and her hands fell slack at her side. Even Tann knew? For fuck’s sake.

     “It’s common knowledge that you’ve formed an… attachment to the Resistance leader. It seemed prudent to clarify your motivations. Did he make this suggestion, is he making this request through you? Or are you acting of your own volition?” Tann tilted his head slightly, his face a blank mask of indifferent calm.

     Ryder’s mouth gaped open as she gave him a thoroughly unimpressed and deadpan stare, but the salarian merely waited patiently for an outright response. “I always act of my own volition,” she replied tersely, the stiffness in her shoulders spreading down her spine and through her arms. “And it was my idea, no one else’s. If you knew anything about the leader of the Resistance, you’d know he barely tolerates the Initiative, and would never ask for our help, no matter how badly it’s needed or how smart an alliance would be.”

     “True, any attempts to communicate with him directly have been… fruitless,” he sighed quietly, lips pressed together tightly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “But even if you could negotiate an official military alliance, I’m not certain I can justify transferring more than a token squad or two. It’s been a tenuous line to walk, trying to balance between the necessities of defense and colonization.”

     “They have the knowledge and experience with the kett, we have the numbers, we’d both benefit. It makes little sense to operate individually. The gesture would boost our reputation with the angara, and we can improve security for the few colonies we’ve started so far.” She fought to keep her voice even and her words rational, having had enough experience with the Director to know that an emotional plea would do nothing to persuade him.

     And thankfully, for once her words weren’t a useless jumble. “... you make a good point. Why learn from scratch what they already know. But I think you're aware the challenge will be convincing Evfra of that. Perhaps your romantic affiliation will help to soften him?”

     Ryder groaned and rolled her eyes, running her fingers through her hair as she shook her head. “Yeah… no, pretty sure that won’t make a difference. I’ll… I don’t know, I’ll figure something out.”

     “You could attempt to bring it up post-coitus. The rush of endorphins might make him more agreeable,” Tann mused, pausing to look at her curiously when she coughed and blushed a bright red. “... what? It was a practical suggestion, given the angara appear to function similar to other Milky Way species, at least from what I’ve read.”

     “I can’t believe you just said that,” she scoffed, scrunching her nose with uncertainty as to whether she should be defensive or amused by his casual demeanour. “I’m gonna go before you make any more suggestions, but I have your okay on an alliance? I’ll release more military pods and you’ll be willing to assign more than a single squad?”

     “Humans, so easily flustered by simple biology. If you’re capable of making such arrangements… yes, I’ll sign off on it. And good luck, because the odds of success aren’t in your favor,” Tann said wryly, and there was no mistaking his mirth at her embarrassment.

     “Uh-huh. Good talk,” she muttered, offering him a vague wave as she turned around and sped towards the door with not-so-subtle mortification. Only a salarian could suggest she sleep with Evfra to help convince him, and make it sound so clinical and… gross. And then there was the fact that she hadn’t actually slept with him, despite everyone’s assumption she had. But it wasn’t as if she was going to correct anyone, it was none of their business and she was becoming more possessive than ever about what little privacy she had left.

     Ryder glared and shook her head when she met Cora’s crinkled and sparkling eyes, making a curt gesture with her hand. “Nope. Don’t say it. Don’t even start,” she warned, sighing when the vanguard simply turned away and chuckled softly. God, what had she got herself into?

     She pressed a couple fingers along her brow as she made her way back to the tram, and it wasn’t long before Sam decided it was time to put his two cents in. “Pathfinder, Tann’s suggestion--”

     “Nope.”

     “Pardon?”

     “No, I know what you’re going to say. You agree with him, don’t you?” she muttered, fighting the smile that tugged in the corner of her mouth, crossing her arms over her chest as she entered the tram.

     “Scientifically speaking--”

     “No.”

     “I was only--”

     “No.”

     “I’m aware you haven’t--”

     “Stop. Talking.” She pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes tight, taking in a sharp breath through her nostrils, and exhaling painfully slowly. “I know you mean well but god… _humiliating_. I don’t think there’s a single person in Heleus that doesn’t know my business. Fuck, I won’t be surprised if the Archon brings it up, fucking everyone knows.”

     Sam quickly dropped the point and went quiet as Ryder continued to brood, and her thoughts turned toward her next task of the day: visiting Jack. There was a guilty churn in her stomach when the doors opened and she walked down the hall, twisting harder when she pass through the second set and faced the clinic, and she was frozen stiff at the sight. Her throat went dry and her heart began to race, and she was suddenly reminded that it was real.

     Her dad was dead.

     Jack was in a coma.

     And she was alone.

     After several moments she sucked in a shaky breath and put one foot in front of the other; in a slow and awkward staccato. Her chest squeezed tight and she scrunched her nose as she fought a sudden mist across her eyes from spilling over. Didn’t matter what she felt, he still didn’t know. He had no idea. How long would it be before he woke up, how hard would he take it to find out the truth? Either way, she’d be there to pick up the pieces. But there was that tiny, faint whisper in the back of her head as she disappeared into the clinic, and saw her twin lying on the bed to her left:

_... who’ll pick up yours?_

     A half hour later Ryder exited the clinic, feeling more emotionally shredded than she’d thought possible. She felt like a zombie as she made her way back to the Tempest, and though she knew Sam would probably want to talk about it later, she wanted nothing more than to shut the world out and hide under her covers.

     She’d just done the one thing she said she’d never do. She lied to Jack.

     Completely and blatantly. As soon as she was told he was sort of conscious, even if only through Sam, her heart soared and she was light on her feet. Until he started eagerly questioning her and she realized there was no way she could tell him the truth and not hate herself afterwards. She wanted to, of course she did. Because Sam was right; she hadn’t grieved, she still hadn’t processed it and there was only one person in the universe who’d understand how deeply it cut, how lost she felt at the core in those quiet moments alone. Jack would know, Jack always knew. And then they’d huddle together in silent despair in her room, let the tears stream as their chests ached unbearably, and lean on each other like they always had.

     But she couldn’t do that to him. Not when he was lying there, trapped in his own mind. She’d just shove it in the back of her head as always, and hope that he’d wake up soon.

     She made it back to her quarters, eyes half-glazed over as she walked through the ship, barely aware of the pleasant greetings, following by confused and awkward pauses when she didn’t respond. They were about to follow the kett transponder, she had to get it together. Had to stay focused, eye on the prize, galaxy to save.

     Her shit didn’t matter right now, it couldn’t.

     Still, she found herself sitting at her desk, eyes coming back into focus as she stared at her inbox, and saw a new email from Evfra. Hm, what now?

 

* * *

 

          From: Evfra de Tershaav

          To: Jill Ryder

 

          When are you coming home?

 

          E

* * *

 

     Ryder rolled her eyes and smiled in spite of herself, sighing as she propped her face in her hand. Pain in the ass, that man. She’d only been gone a week, or was it more than that now? She couldn’t remember. Either way they hadn’t gone a single day without talking since she left. Whether it was a call or emails, his presence remained a constant since the moment they sat down at the Tavetaan together. He was making himself a permanent fixture in her life, stubbornly and arrogantly, and she was having a hard time finding reasons for him not to be. She pushed her lips out in a moment of thought, then put her fingers to the holographic keyboard.

    

* * *

 

          From: Jill Ryder

          To: Evfra de Tershaav

         

          Not sure you’ll be happy to see me when I do.

 

          <3

          Jill

* * *

 

     Well, she might as well give him some kind of heads up. No point in bringing up the idea now, especially since she couldn’t be there in person to yell at him. Because odds were, it was going to come down to yelling. And despite the fact that she was fairly certain he was still working, his reply was almost immediate. Somehow the thought of him on a tablet messaging her while he had everyone else’s nose to the grind made her smirk in spite of herself.

 

* * *

          From: Evfra de Tershaav

          To: Jill Ryder

 

          Why, what did you do?

          And what is that symbol supposed to mean?

 

          E

* * *

 

          From: Jill Ryder

          To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

         It’s a heart. You know, symbol of affection?

         And I didn’t do anything, jackass. Not yet anyway.

 

         Jill

* * *

 

         From: Evfra de Tershaav

         To: Jill Ryder

 

         It’s stupid. Human hearts look nothing like that.

 

         E

* * *

 

         From: Jill Ryder

         To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

         How would you know?

 

         Jill

* * *

 

         From: Evfra de Tershaav

         To: Jill Ryder

 

         Research.

 

         E

* * *

 

         From: Jill Ryder

         To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

        HA! So you DID study. Knew it couldn’t be innate talent. Sexy charlatan.

 

         Jill

* * *

 

         From: Evfra de Tershaav

         To: Jill Ryder

 

         I became curious about human physiology after our time together. I have never needed help in that department.

 

         E

* * *

 

         From: Jill Ryder

         To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

         I hate you.

 

         Jill

* * *

 

         From: Evfra de Tershaav

         To: Jill Ryder

 

         No you don’t.

 

         <3

 

         E

* * *

 

         From: Jill Ryder

         To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

         … you did _not_ just heart me.

 

         Jill

* * *

 

         From: Evfra de Tershaav

         To: Jill Ryder

 

         I’ve learned it’s contextually appropriate when easing the winning blow in an argument. I was being considerate. You’re welcome.

 

         <3

 

         E

* * *

 

         From: Jill Ryder

         To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

         Fuck off.

 

         J

* * *

 

         From: Evfra de Tershaav

         To: Jill Ryder

        

         When are you coming home?

 

          E

* * *

 

          From: Jill Ryder

          To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

          Now. Leaving the Nexus and heading over. Rough day. It’ll be rougher after I see you though, be ready.

 

          Jill

* * *

 

          From: Evfra de Tershaav

          To: Jill Ryder

 

          If you’re good.

 

          E

* * *

 

          From: Jill Ryder

          To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

          Not like that you perv. I’ve got a proposal to make, and I’m fairly certain you won’t like it.

 

          Jill

* * *

 

          From: Evfra de Tershaav

          To: Jill Ryder

 

          Bit soon for that, don’t you think?

 

          E

* * *

 

          From: Jill Ryder

          To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

          Ha. Ha. Ha.

          Who says the Resistance leader doesn’t have a sense of humor?

          A crap one.

 

          Jill

* * *

 

          From: Evfra de Tershaav

          To: Jill Ryder

 

          <3

 

          E

* * *

 

          From: Jill Ryder

          To: Evfra de Tershaav

 

          Fuck off.

 

          Jill

 

          P.S. Almost home

* * *

 

          From: Evfra de Tershaav

          To: Jill Ryder

 

          I’ll be waiting.

 

          E

* * *

 

     Ryder sighed and chuckled as she turned off her console, spinning her chair around and making for the closet. He knew how to get under her skin at the worst of times, could make it tingle at the best, and in between… well, he could make her smile, exactly when she needed to. Even though she knew they’d be butting heads in minutes, even though her chest still randomly ached and tightened at the thought of her conversation with Jack, he could still pull a smile out of her. And she was pretty sure he knew it too.

     Ass.

     A flutter passed through her and she let out a shaky breath as she stripped lazily, looking for something fresh to wear. Nothing fancy. No point, he had no interest in what she wore, only what was underneath. Kind of reassuring in a way, she didn’t feel the need to impress him. Then again, he didn’t seem the type to be impressed by looks. Or charm. Or anything for that matter.

     How the hell had she snagged him again?

     Ah yes, drunken honesty. Followed by nudity. Followed by awkward sober honesty. Then stubbornness and defiance. Then cuddling and fondling. And more nudity.

     Evfra really was a weird one. Then again, he’d probably have to be to be any kind of fit for her. Ryder had never done ‘normal’ very well. And he was the sexiest kind of weird she’d ever known so was she really in a position to complain?

     Still, she wasn’t sure she was up to lock horns with the Resistance leader, but she couldn’t see a way around it. She knew it’d be worse if she spent the evening with him only to bring it up in the morning. And if she could bring Tann around, she could get Evfra too. Probably. If she offered a logical argument, with reasonably toned points. And when that failed she’d just out-stubborn him, it’d seemed to work pretty well before.

     She pulled a pair of cargo pants over her hips and tossed a black t-shirt on, scratching the back of her head with a hand as she bent down for her leather jacket. “Alright Ryder, get your game face on. Time to make some diplomatic negotiations. Fuck, I really wish I didn’t have this job,” she muttered, grunting as she slid her arms into her jacket and left her quarters. At least she didn’t have to tell anyone they’d be getting the night off; everyone knew what going to Aya meant. Ugh.

     As she stepped down the ramp she took in a deep breath and ran her fingers through her hair. It was a warm and sunny afternoon, and no doubt Evfra was still at the HQ. Heading along the path, she couldn’t help but wonder if he’d already been notified of her arrival.

     … probably.

     And that was a whole other set of negotiations she was going to have to work out with him. Somehow he managed to suck the air out of any room he was in, even if it was just a phone call. Made her feet itch for escape, made it hard to breathe. But first thing’s first. Business, then pleasure.

     Ryder felt an all-too familiar heat flood her cheeks when she passed through the HQ’s doors, and there was no ignoring the blend of curious, amused or shocked faces of the Resistance members as she approached Evfra’s desk. He’d said it’d get better if they were out in the open. She was still waiting. But before she could give it another thought, Evfra put down the tablet in his hand and tilted his head slightly, eyes twinkling and the barest wisp of a smile teasing the corner of his lips. “Pathfinder, what an unexpected surprise.” His voice was the perfect blend of gravel and raw silk; even when he was being derisive and condescending it still managed to tickle her insides.

     “... uh-huh,” she said dryly, fighting the urge to cross her arms over her chest, even as the angaran did; his smile finally hanging openly and boldly.

     “I’m told you had a meeting with your Initiative Director earlier today. Am I correct in guessing it’s the reason for your visit now?” he asked casually, offering an indifferent shrug when she narrowed her eyes suspiciously.

     “You’re told. Who told?” she asked with a slight frown, spine stiffening in spite of herself. “Are my comings and goings really relevant to your fight against the kett?”

     “Isn’t it ‘our’ fight now? Or at least that’s what your Initiative would have me believe. And when you’re the face for thousands of aliens who crashed into our galaxy and immediately insinuated yourself into our war and our affairs… yes, of course,” he said blithely, eyes lighting up further the more her brow wrinkled. She couldn’t argue when he put it like that, and he knew it. “I have every reason to keep an eye on you.”

     “Still not trustworthy? After everything, not even an ounce of faith?” she sighed, squeezing the back of her neck wearily. Nope, this was a bad idea. Maybe she should’ve visited him after they dealt with the transponder.

     “If you want faith, have the Moshae direct you to one of our elders,” Evfra replied mildly, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “Trust is earned. Something which takes time and patience. _My_ time and _your_ patience.”

     Ryder groaned and shook her head, and the double meaning was thick and heavy in his words. Right. Trust. “True, but in order for either to be given, we need an opportunity. And that’s what I’ve come to propose,” she said tiredly, though she’d no intention of backing down. “I suggest giving us the opportunity to earn your trust; a military alliance. Not just well-meaning words offered to pacify your suspicions, but soldiers to replenish your forces. Our people fighting alongside yours.”

     And so she got straight to the point, and while there was a series of soft murmurs reverberating across the room, she wasn’t surprised to see Evfra’s face slowly transform into a dark glower. “... really.”

     “Really. Words are meaningless, actions say everything. And we’re saying we’re here, we want to help, and we can help.” Her words were even and smooth, and she met his narrow-eyed gaze with a small smile. “Will you give us the chance to prove ourselves, or would you prefer to sacrifice more lives rather than swallowing your pride? Because you do in fact need us, and we need you. There’s little point in pretending otherwise.”

     A low-rumbling growl left his lips and she felt a shiver run up her spine, along with everyone else in the room. “... tread carefully, Pathfinder.”

     “I mean no disrespect. I’m bad with words and we all know it, so might as well be blunt: you’ve been fighting a losing battle for decades. We can help turn the tide; if you let us help, if you teach us, share what you know. Like it or not, this is our home now and we have just as much desire to defend it. How would we not be stronger together?” she sighed, shrugging helplessly when his expression held fast, except for his lips pressing into a hard, thin line.

     Evfra’s fists clenched tightly under his chest and he snorted quietly while staring off at one of the many monitors displayed along the walls of the control center. Shockingly, there weren't any barked retorts or harsh rebuttals. Instead there was an electric silence, and she could feel him stewing. She wasn’t sure if that was better or worse than them having a yelling match.

     After several moments, and a few uncomfortable cleared throats later, he turned his eyes back towards her; expression inscrutable as he stared at her. No, not at her. _Into_ her. As though somewhere in the depths of her very soul he’d be able to determine the truth of her words, measure them against anything else she’d ever said, everything else the Initiative had done. And while she kept her eyes steady on him, she wasn’t quite bold enough to interrupt his disgruntled ruminating.

     “... I'll take your proposal into consideration,” he said carefully after a while, a long exhale leaving his nostrils as though it took great effort to say the words. “I’ve said no once, and you brought back our Moshae. I should not be so quick to say no a second time.”

     Ryder bit her lower lip and fought an internal wriggle of childish glee and victory, simply nodding her head in acknowledgement. “Thank you.”

     Her own restraint seemed to ease some of his grumpiness, and his fingers relaxed slightly as he tipped his head to the side. “Is that all, Pathfinder?”

     “It is,” she sighed, relaxing and rubbing her arm, thankful that their ‘discussion’ hadn’t ended up nearly as stormy as she’d expected.

     “I’ll see you out,” he replied, swiftly making his way to her and lightly rested a hand on her back. “I would have a few more words with you.”

     “Am I in trouble?” she muttered softly, groaning as he led her out of the HQ.

     “Whose idea was it?” he asked suspiciously, rubbing her waist even though he was still focused on business.

     “... mine,” she admitted with a sheepish smile, rolling her eyes at the mixture of confusion and disgust on his face. “Look, I have every reason on every level to promote this idea. The Resistance is strained, you’re strained. You both need some relief, and that’s exactly what we could provide. Sure, we’re ignorant in your ways, in the way the kett work, but we’re willing learn. And that requires someone willing to teach us.”

     “Your Director agreed to this? He’d provide soldiers, not merely civilians and scientists?” Evfra’s brow furrowed and he offered a derisive snort at the thought.

     “Of course, I wouldn’t come to you with this if he hadn’t. We all know you’re the nut to crack in this situation, not him,” Ryder smirked, crossing her arms over her chest when he led her just to the left of the HQ. “I’m the one who decides which pods get released first. And I’ve been military-heavy from day one. We have the bodies.”

     “I don’t like your Director, pandering bureaucrat,” he muttered resentfully, tapping his foot impatiently on the ground, and Ryder was shocked that he was still thinking about it. She’d prepared herself for a loud and disruptive rejection from the start. This was… unexpected.

     “Me either, but he’s usually willing to do what I like. After all, I’m the one running around the galaxy getting my hands dirty while they lounge in their pretty space station,” she grunted, scrunching her nose and squeezing her arm tightly. “Still, he was surprisingly open to help, after some pragmatic convincing. Salarians are nothing if not capable of maddening logic. You don’t want to know his helpful suggestions in how to approach you.”

     “And obviously now you’ll have to share,” Evfra said dryly, letting out a long and weary breath as she saw the cogs and wheels in his mind continue to churn. “How long are you staying?”

     “Only tonight, we have to follow the kett transponder tomorrow. I’ve done what I could to take care of the smaller things, but I can’t keep putting this off,” she replied, giving him a wrinkled and rueful smile. “Not too mad to spend time with me then?”

     “Nearly, not quite,” he said with a paltry and half-hidden smile, when his eyes narrowed with concern. “You said you’d had a rough day. Is everything alright?”

     “Yeah. I mean nothing’s happened, not like that. I just… I talked to my brother. Sort of. It’s a mess. Look, we can talk about it later. You’re busy and working and stuff. Usual time tonight?” she asked with a soft sigh, resting her forehead on his chest briefly when he pulled her in closer and wrapped his arm around her back.

     “I’ll try to leave a bit earlier,” he said quietly, giving her a gentle squeeze before looking up at the sky. “Only a few hours away. Go home and get some rest. Sam can open the door for you.”

     “Yeah, might do. No promises on sleeping over though,” she replied, a smile tugging at her lips when his eyes became dark and stormy.

     “Why not?” Oh the indignance in his voice, it shouldn’t have filled her with such mischievous delight… but it did.

     “Because if I get one more what the fuck o’clock wake-up call, the Resistance might find itself without a leader,” she laughed, unable to maintain a serious expression when he scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Let me sleep, or I’m rioting.”

     “We can discuss it later, I need to get back,” he said wryly, giving her waist one last squeeze before he bent over and kissed her neck. “Don’t come up with any more bright ideas for the Resistance, hm? I think one is more than enough for now.”

     “It’s not a matter of if it’ll happen, but when. The sooner you get over it and agree, the sooner we can figure out how to make it work. You know, save lives rather than keep losing them?”

     “I said I’d consider it, which is far more than I’d planned on giving you to begin with. So leave me be; I won’t be rushed into a decision that’ll affect the entirety of my people,” he said gruffly, exhaling impatiently when she leaned in for a kiss, reluctantly meeting her lips with his before smacking her bum sharply. “I’ll see you at home.”

     “Mhm,” she murmured, scratching the back of her neck as she watched him disappear back into the Resistance Headquarters. She looked to her left where the path veered down towards the cluster of apartments where Evfra lived, a slow and evil grin stretching her mouth as an idea sparked in the back of her mind. “Yeah, a nap sounds good right about now, cause I think tonight it’s going to be _my_ turn...”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (7/25) A/N: Oh. My. GOD. Finally!
> 
> Work has gone full gonzo-nuts in the last month, and the time/energy to write went down to nothing, to my ever-increasing rage and frustration. 
> 
> However I managed to get one not-so-crazy day, and I'm tetris'ing my schedule to make sure I've got enough time to write every week so here you go! Given how this chapter ended, I'll be adding one more to this story before updating the others.
> 
> If you're still here, thank you! I know life happens but I'm still sorry for the wait and hope you enjoyed this next installment of "Do I really want a curmudgeonly blue angaran? Why, yes I do!" XD Hopefully I'll have a second chapter out in a couple days, and the other stories will be updated at a similar pace (fingers crossed!)
> 
> Regardless, unless I'm completely incapacitated I refuse to go this long between updates again. My brain and fingers were itching like mad the last month to get anything down and let's face it, all the stories will be long enough that I really want to keep the energy flowing. Hope you're all doing well, that you've had a fantastic weekend and thank you for the patience and support. Again. Cause seriously. THANK YOU. 
> 
> And now to stop rambling cause it's 1:30am and I have to be up in 6 hours... so I'm gonna go pass out. But no regrets, cause goddammit finally! A new chapter. *flops*


	12. Dark Chocolate *

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Ryder's turn...
> 
>  
> 
> Warning: NSFW - Explicit Sexual Content

* * *

 

 

     When Evfra came home later that afternoon, he found Ryder sprawled on the couch stomach-first, face half-hidden and buried in a large, plush pillow. The smallest of smiles curled his lips as he took a seat on the floor next to her, a hand sliding under her shirt and stroking her back as he turned his attentions to the tablet he’d brought with him.

     She shivered at the electricity gently cycling through her body, groaning and pressing her face into the pillow before turning her head and opening her eyes sleepily. “Mm, you’re home early,” she murmured, eyes darting to the clear, bright sky out the balcony windows.

     “I have some work left, but I can do it here just as easily,” he replied, leaning in to kiss her warmly, and nestled his face in the crook of her neck for a moment, taking in a deep breath. “Missed you, kitten.”

     Ryder huffed and rolled her eyes, twisting onto her side and wriggling back as she tugged on his rofjin. “God, you make it impossible to stay mad at you; you’re so annoying. Come here.”

     Evfra chuckled quietly and nipped her bare arm, a thumb brushing back and forth against her waist idly. “We won’t fit.”

     “We’ll squish,” she reasoned nonchalantly, tugging the vivid teal cloth again.

     “I have reports to look over,” he sighed, his hand moving to rest on her upper back.

     “You say that like I care,” she snorted, an impish smirk on her face as he reluctantly drew closer for another soft kiss, his lips grazing hers thoughtfully before deepening it slowly.

     “I’m still annoyed with you,” he warned, even though he kissed her cheek lightly.

     “I can live with that,” Ryder said dryly, rolling her eyes again and pressing her back against the sofa. “Five minutes.”

     Evfra tilted his head and watched her quietly for a few moments before letting out a resigned sigh, and placed his tablet on the floor. He slid an arm underneath her head and rearranged her expertly so she was perfectly encapsulated in his thick limbs. “Better?” he smirked, kissing the side of her head and running his fingers up and down her torso lightly.

     “Better,” she agreed, closing her eyes and sighing contentedly as she wrapped an arm around his waist.

     “You had no trouble getting in?” he asked idly, brushing a thumb along the undercurve of her breast.

     “I have Sam, I can get in anywhere.” Ryder’s nose wrinkled and a smile hung in the left corner of her mouth, humming as she buried her face in the hollow of his neckfolds.

     “True, very useful… _and_ very dangerous,” Evfra replied, the barest hint of a smile still firmly planted on his lips while his thumb brushed and flicked her nippled distractedly. “Ready to tell me about your conversation with your brother?”

     A ripple went through her body at the intimate touch and she opened her mouth hesitantly, wondering how much she should share. “He’s still in a coma, but Sam was able to connect with him so we could talk. He’s still there; conscious, trapped in his body. He has no idea what’s been going on; what happened to dad, to me, the mission.”

    “I assume he asked when you spoke to him,” he murmured, lips grazing her forehead when she pulled back and rested her head on his arm.

     “I’ve never lied to him before; no secrets between us, we agreed. But I just… I couldn’t tell him the truth, couldn’t dump it on him like that when he was so alone. I knew what it’d do to him; exactly what it’s done to me. Better he hates me for a while than go through what I am.” Her words were dry and raspy, stomach churning as she slowly forced them out. She sniffed and gripped Evfra’s waist tightly when he nuzzled her neck, spreading his hand across her back and pulling her in closer.

     “So much on your shoulders, but no one could guess by the way you carry yourself,” he murmured with approval, pressing his lips to her forehead. “No one would suspect.”

     “That’s kinda the point, isn’t it? If I fall apart, so will they,” she muttered, and there was no hiding the bitterness in her words.

     Evfra’s lips shrunk to form a tight line, and his fingers dug into her back lightly. “I know that burden.”

     “... it’s shit, isn’t it?” she quipped blithely, drawing her hand up to his rofjin, rubbing the cloth between her fingers.

     “It is,” he said dryly, his hand traveling along her back soothingly. “But you’re not alone.”

     “No?” she asked doubtfully, smoothing the cloth against his chest.

     “Obviously.” Evfra snorted and rolled his eyes, kissing her arm as his hand rested comfortably on her bum. “Feel better?”

     “Yeah, guess so,” she said ruefully, scrunching her nose as she looked into his eyes thoughtfully. “You really are kind of amazing.”

     “Only kind of?” he asked wryly, patting her bum and giving her an impatient sigh. “Can I return to work now?”

     “Go on, you’re too warm anyway,” Ryder scoffed, pushing on his chest lightly and exchanging small smiles before he slid off the couch, sitting comfortably against it and returning to his reports. She sat up stiffly with a groan and stretched her arms high above her head before wrapping her legs around his waist, and dangled her arms over his shoulders, peering down at his tablet. “More reports?”

     Evfra grunted in assent, a hand reaching to stroke her arm instinctively, and continued to read in silence. After a while she scrunched her nose in boredom and straightened herself, tilting her head as she observed the back of his.

     His skin was impossibly smooth and inviting, though she’d since learned it was much firmer than it looked. With a furrowed brow she leaned forward, nose almost pressed to his scalp as she observed the patterns; the finest speckles of blues interspersed with white. The way they blended together, it almost looked as though they’d been hand-painted. She wondered if maybe it _was_ a reflection of the galaxy, or some distant star system yet to be discovered.  

     “... what are you doing?” he asked quietly, an undercurrent of amusement in his voice. “I can feel your breath.”

     “Looking,” she said simply, running a finger along the uppermost ridge on his head, following the line with interest until it disappeared down his top.

     “ _Touching_ ,” he smirked, and a subtle shiver ran through him as her finger trailed upwards again, pressing into the curved hollow underneath.

     “Exploring.”

     “ _Distracting_.”

     Ryder fought a wide, stupid grin from stretching her face, tilting her head as she looked at the subsequent ridge, and noted how the space between was larger; displaying a long curve of small, rippling segments. A brighter shade of blue, different texture, possibly luminescent? Did it have something to do with angaran bioelectricity?

     Only one way to find out.

     She skimmed her finger along the alluring divot with the barest pressure, eyes twinkling when he stiffened and a quiet hiss escaped his lips. “Kitten...” Evfra warned with a low rumble, pausing for a few seconds before scrolling down his report.

     Ryder ran her tongue along her upper teeth, finger hovering in place as she weighed and measured her options. But in the end temptation was too great to resist and she opted to trace the glowing flesh on the opposite side gently. The reaction was almost instantaneous, and he suddenly gripped her calf firmly, sending a short snap of electricity through it.

     “Stop.”

     “Sensitive?” she asked innocently, chewing her lip as a devious smile painted her lips.

     “ _Enough_.”

     “Unpleasant?”

     “... no.”

     “... pleasant?” Her mouth twisted into a shit-eating grin as she scribbled down mental notes.

     “ _Later_.”

     Ryder blew a soft sigh and kissed the top of his head, nose crinkling when he squeezed her calf lightly in response. But just as she unwrapped her legs to move away from him--

     “No.”

     “What? You’re busy,” she smiled, a flutter dancing in her stomach when he patted his leg. She made an audible annoyed groan, even though her eyes twinkled and she slid down into his lap, settling her back against him comfortably. “I was going to wander a bit.”

     “Wander on your own time,” he said dryly, eyes never leaving his tablet as he approved another mission, fingers finding their way under her t-shirt again so he could resume his distracted but persistent fondling.

     “Oh I see how it is. I can’t touch you, but your hands are free to wander?” she snorted, stretching her legs out and flexing her toes.

     “Of course,” he quipped smugly, giving her breast a gentle squeeze, eyes narrowing as he read a less than stellar update about Voeld.

     “Unfair.”

     “Life isn’t fair.”

     “I’m calling bullshit,” she smirked, scratching the side of her head as she tried to figure out what to do in the meantime. Finally she brought up her omni-tool and swiped through a few menus, selecting the overflowing list of tasks she had after she was done chasing the kett.

     Evfra replied with a throaty chuckle and kissed the back of her head, eyes catching on what she was reading. Brow furrowed, he watched her scroll through text, marking missions haphazardly. Finally with an annoyed huff, he slipped his hand out from under her shirt and reached over to backtrack and look at the list from top to bottom.

     She jerked her head but didn’t stop him, watching as he quickly flashed through each mission and began to reorganize them. Within a couple minutes they were split into a series of shorter lists; organized by location and in order of importance. Once he was satisfied with the results, his hand disappeared under her shirt again and he went back to reading as though nothing happened. “... are you serious? You’re going to do my work on top of your own?” she laughed, squeezing his arm gently.

     “You’re welcome,” he said simply, a small smile tugging at his mouth as his fingers wrapped around her ribcage lightly.

     “Well what the hell am I supposed to do now?” she said ruefully, scuffing her heel against the floor. “Really need to leave a project here, give me something to do. Unless you’re gonna end up doing that for me as well.”

     Evfra exhaled sharply as his hands made a pass across her stomach, a finger curiously tracing her bellybutton. “I’m not a mechanic, so you’re safe,” he finally replied, approving the last transfer and reached over to put his tablet on the coffee table. He wrapped his other arm around her and nibbled her neck. “Done. What would you like to do?”

     Ryder pushed her lips out thoughtfully, running her fingers along his arms idly, eyes narrowing as her earlier plans came to mind. No, not yet. Soften him up first. “Good question. Another swim? Maybe an actual swim this time?” she suggested teasingly, laughing softly when he thrummed in approval, running his nose along her neck.

     “You didn’t bring a… what is it-- a bathing suit, did you?” he asked warily, squeezing her gently before standing up with a stiff groan.

     “I think you made your stance on bathing suits clear. And underwear. Probably clothing in general,” she snorted, smirking as she took his hand and stood up.

     “Where it pertains to you, yes,” he replied wryly, pulling her in and kissing her deeply and lazily, a tremoring rumble in his throat when her tongue brushed along his. “Alright, a swim it is.”

     It was a slow and easy walk to the grotto they’d first visited, and though they still received knowing stares and smiles, she wasn’t quite as embarrassed as she was the first time. Not quite. It helped that if she tensed in the slightest, Evfra brushed his thumb along her waist, sending a faint but reassuring electrical pulse through her.

     The secluded, lush pool looked so different with the oil-painting backdrop of the setting sun, and she shook her head in disbelief; how did more people not come here? It was a long walk certainly, but it was worth the view. If she lived on Aya she’d visit daily without fail.

     They stepped inside just behind some thick, broad-leafed trees and right before Evfra could start unfastening his rofjin, Ryder quickly shook her head. “Nuh-uh.”

     He frowned in confusion, tilting his head when she approached him with a knowing smile. “What?”

     She tugged on his hand and lead him to a large, flat stone, nudging him to sit down. “You’re too efficient,” she said lightly, placing her hands on her hips as she observed his clothing.

     How the hell did she take it off?

     But Evfra just smirked as he took a seat, crossing his arms over his chest; daring her to figure it out on her own. Ryder pushed her lips out in deep concentration, straddling his hips as she took a closer look at his outfit. The gloves were off at least, one part down; he’d stopped wearing them when she was around. A soft, husky rumble escaped his lips as her hands ran along his clothes; determined to discover the secrets of angaran outerwear.

     His hands found their way around her hips, resting on her bum lightly while her fingers finally led her to the straps holding his rofjin. With the tip of her tongue making a shy appearance, she unfastened it and with a satisfied sigh unwrapped the teal cloth and dropped it on the ground beside them.

     “... if it’s going to take you this long to undress me, we’ll be here all night,” he said wryly, eyes twinkling when she huffed and punched him lightly in the chest. “We’ll have to go home before we even get to swim.”

     “Oh shut up, I’m a professional, I’ve got this,” she groused, tucking her fingers under the shoulders of his vest and peering around for another clasp or button or zipper… _something_.

     Then her eyes caught on the strappy holster attached to his vest, and with a quick ‘click’ she unfastened it at the top and bottom, giving him a victorious ‘hmph’ as that too fell to the floor. It was a bit easier afterwards; the latches to the top of his vest had been hidden underneath the rofjin, except for one problem…

    “Jesus, why’s everything connected to everything else?” Ryder groaned wearily, having undone the black vest, but somehow it was still connected to his suit. By the legs or the hips. Or were those also attached to it? “And you complained about humans wearing layers.”

     Evfra cleared his throat and chuckled raspily again as he watched her fingers; following the lines of clothing and finding the sneaky buttons and clasps that held the top of the legs to the torso, which was actually some kind of bodysuit instead a vest as she’d first thought. “Were you this quick to uncover the secrets of the Vaults?” he mused, half to himself as she wasn’t paying attention to him remotely. She had a puzzle to solve, and it absorbed all her focus.

     “Sam did it,” she muttered, smirking as she lifted his white shirt up and he raised his arms obediently as she tossed it onto the pile with a particularly smug flare.

     “That isn’t true, Pathfinder. Your eyes were quick to find what we needed; arranging the symbols in the correct order was your own doing. You saw the patterns without my prompting,” Sam replied calmly, tugging a wry smile from her lips.

     “Shhh, can’t let on that I’m smart. What would people think?” Ryder said, her tone aghast despite the deep smirk on her face. “So much easier to give you both credit and blame.”

     “Ah yes. ‘It wasn’t me, my AI did it,” Sam said blandly, and she could’ve sworn she heard something like mild-mannered mirth in his voice.

     “Exactly.” Ryder scratched the back of her head as she got off Evfra’s lap, motioning for him to stand up so she could circle him. Okay, the legs were attached to the torso but did they slide off? Zip off? Snap off? What?

     “Is he always with us?” Evfra asked with casual interest, keeping his arms at his sides as she crouched down, running her fingers along his leg.

     “Yes and no,” she said distractedly, crowing softly when she found the clasps hidden on the inside of his thighs. But then those were attached to his feet. “For fuck’s sake… for people who supposedly make babies constantly, you make it goddamned hard to get naked.”

     A warm laugh pushed past the angaran’s lips, eyes twinkling with amusement at being the object of Ryder’s of frustration and intrigue. “It’s not difficult if you know what you’re doing. You’ve seen me undress, you just complained about how quickly I do it.”

     “Oh shut up, no one’s asking you,” she grunted, pushing his leg so he’d sit down again, fingers slipping and sliding as they searched for the clasps to disconnect his boots.

     “Is she always this pleasant and cheery? Is this what she’s like in the field?” Evfra asked with a sigh, one arm across his chest, the other propped on top as he rested his face in his hand; half-naked with his remaining clothes in a chaotic state of disarray.

     Sam paused for a moment before finally replying, “In the field she’s merciless, relentless, and fearless; with a primal and predatory instinct. Once an enemy is in her sights, it’s not long before she has them by the proverbial throat.”

     Evfra listened quietly and a strange, low, vibrating sound emanated from deep in his chest. It made Ryder pause and jerk her head, finally looking up at him with curiously narrowed eyes.

     “Evfra are you… purring?” she asked with a disbelieving laugh, sliding his boots off, which then allowed his suit legs to fall off as well. “See? Nothing I can’t do when I put my mind to it.”

     “So it would seem,” he replied quietly, eyes suddenly focused on her with the intensity that made her toes curl and pelvis throb. “You’re a much quicker study than I thought.”

     “Skipped a year in school, thank you very much,” she huffed, standing up straight with a groan and kicking her boots off lazily. And just as she was pulling her t-shirt off, Evfra stood up and the last piece of clothing; the central bodysuit, fell to the ground--

 _And Ryder got five eyefuls of what had been lying in wait underneath_.

     A gasp forced its way out of her mouth, eyes widening like saucers, and her throat went dry. “... you’ve got to be kidding me.”

     “Mm, I’d begun to wonder if you might have a… problem with it,” Evfra said slowly, though the smugness dripped off his words unapologetically.

     “You’re kidding.”

     “Clearly I’m not.”

     “Jesus.”

     “If that means what I think it does…”

     “No.”

     “What?”

     “No!” she laughed, brow furrowed as she continued to stare at him incredulously. There was no way. _No way._

     Evfra rubbed the back of his head and smiled, letting out a satisfied sigh as he approached her slowly, pulling the t-shirt from her fidgeting hands and rubbed her arms lightly. “It’ll be fine,” he said reassuringly, mirth still woven in and around his words.

     “Yeah right,” she scoffed, looking down at his blatant half-erection with doubtful furtiveness. “You make me walk funny with your fingers. _That_ , that… I won’t be able to walk at all. You’re insane. No.”

     He chuckled in spite of himself, kissing her bare shoulder as his fingers teased her pants off. “It’ll be fine, I promise. Come on, you wanted to swim.”

     Ryder took in a deep breath, watching him distrustfully as her pants slid down her legs, automatically stepping out of them, and took his hand as he lead her into the water. “So that’s why you wouldn’t get naked earlier, huh? Like… slow, wide-pan shot kind of naked.”

     He just responded with a small, knowing smile, pulling her in for a deep and languorous kiss; arms clasped around her firmly. “You think too much, that’s why,” he murmured against her lips, a raspy half-laugh escaping when she poked his side. “Humans are capable of accommodating many sizes, with appropriate preparation; a recent fact I picked up. We’ll fit.”

     “And what about the aftermath? It’ll be me suffering, not you,” she said wryly, stomach fluttering at the way his hands engulfed her back. She let out a shaky sigh and shook her head, bracing her hand on his shoulder while the other trailed along his scars thoughtfully.

     “You’re rather fixated with those,” he commented mildly, turning his head so he could kiss her hand, staring at her intently as her fingers made their way along his face, rubbing the long, faint purplish-red patch on his forehead.

     “Mhm. Is this natural, or a scar?” she asked curiously, leaning in so she could take a closer look, eliciting a raspy chuckle.

     “Scar.”

     “It’s pretty.”

     “I am _not_ pretty.”

     “True. Beautiful would be more accurate,” she said distractedly, her fingers running down his neckfolds, peering closer and tracing the faint blue veins.

     Evfra snorted and pursed his lips, though there was a dim twinkle in his eye if she’d looked up at him. “What was it you said; living, breathing works of art?”

     “When did I say that? True though.”

     “At the Tavetaan.”

     “Yeah… said a lot of things that night.”

     “You did.”

     “You liked it.”

     “I did.”

     “Honesty and openness, huh?”

     “Mm.”

     Ryder scrunched her nose slightly, her fingers swaying back and forth in the inviting hollow between his neckfolds. “Aren’t all angaran like that though? Not like it’s new.”

     “It was for me,” he said with a small smile, ducking his head and sneaking a lingering kiss before pulling back and letting her continue.

     “So you _are_ aware of how people see you,” she said slyly, looking up at him knowingly before drawing her fingers down to the protrusions on his chest.

     “Obviously.”

     “They’re intimidated, even afraid.”

     “Mm.”

     “Not that you care.” Ryder tipped her head to the side as her hands traced the shape, following the curves along his chest, making an interested noise.

     “Obviously not.”

     “I admire that.”

     “You’re not though,” he said quietly with a smile, bringing her close and nipping her shoulder.

     She squirmed in response and pushed him off to resume her inspection, nudging his right arm away so she could run her fingers along the strange ridge on the underside. “Not what?”

     “Afraid.”

     “No,” she snorted, a smile tugging at her mouth, drifting away from him as her hands gently traced more scars along his bicep. She squeezed his arm lightly, twisting it one way and the other.

     Evfra let out an impatient huff as she moved away, lips pressing into a straight line as she smoothed a hand around his. “Are you quite done?”

     “Do I look done?” she smirked, nipping his fingers roughly, resulting in a firm poke at her side. “So impatient.” Once satisfied she waded back to him, settling behind with her legs loosely hooked around his thighs to keep her upright.

     “I’m beginning to feel like a specimen under a microscope. Even physicals don’t take this long,” he said wearily, a hand stroking her leg under the water as he moved further away from the entrance.

     “You’re shiny, remember? When have I ever had the chance to see an angaran like this?” she reasoned nonchalantly, her hands exploring his oddly boney shoulder blades.

     Evfra grunted in response, and if she could’ve seen the look on his face, she’d have realized just how annoyed and unimpressed he was. “You could’ve researched.”

     “I’m researching now,” she smirked, smoothing her fingers over his shoulders, and leaned in to nibble on one gently. “I prefer fieldwork. Best way to learn; getting my hands dirty.”

     He huffed impatiently, though the slow exhale that followed her nibbling told her all she needed to know.

     Ryder’s eyes narrowed mischievously and she draped an arm around him, resting her head on his shoulder idly. “Remember what you said last week?” she murmured softly, a finger finding one of the luminescent hollows running along the back of his head.

     His body stiffened, and he gripped her calf tightly for a moment, falling silent for a while before replying. “... what did I say?”

     “Said you’d make it up to me when I got home. For being such an insensitive, stalkery asshole. Remember?”

     Another irritated snort was heard, followed by a second shudder as her fingers made another pass along his scalp. “I was being efficient.”

     “Jerkish.”

     “And I didn’t stalk you.”

     “Yes you did, you still are,” she chuckled, trailing kisses across his back while her hands stroked his arms. “Really dancing the line of being smothering, you know.”

     “What, am I supposed to apologize for caring? Ridiculous,” he muttered, turning his head away and making an agitated noise, even though his body relaxed under her affections.

     “You could ease up, I’m not going anywhere.” Ryder sighed contentedly and wrapped her arms around his neck, nuzzling it warmly.

     “And how would I know that?” he snapped, even as a hand reached up to stroke her arm, and stalked towards the craggy end of the pool.

     She rolled her eyes and chuckled, pressing her heels gently into his thighs. “Evfra, come on. You’re perfectly aware of the effect you have on me. You’ve had me hooked from the moment you sat down at my table.”

     A soft thrum could be heard and he brushed his thumb along her thigh, tension visibly draining from his limbs. “... fine.”

     “Fine?”

     “A longer leash.”

     “But still a leash?” she smirked, sighing when he gently pulled on her thigh, and slid around to face him, hands curled around his neckfolds comfortably.

     He gripped her bum lightly and pulled her in for a deep and hungry kiss, letting his lips graze over hers teasingly. “ _Yes_. I want you close.”

     A soft noise escaped as she kissed him again, fingers digging into his neck and eliciting a low rumble. “I _am_ close.”

     “... not close enough,” he replied huskily, pressing her hips tight against his, making her mind-numbingly aware of the hard, thick length sandwiched between them.

     The sensation drew a whimper from her lips, followed by a shaky sigh as she considered his words. “Mm, guess so.”

     He replied with a smug, wolfish smirk, spreading his hand along her back in an upward motion. “ _Soon_.”

     Ryder bit her lip hard, caught in his predatory gaze, and gave him a vague nod. After a few moments she cleared her throat and ran a finger along his lips. “Soon,” she nodded, her voice trembling ever so slightly, but not out of fear. “But first…”

     “First?” he asked with a slight frown, pressing his fingers into her flesh in an idle massage.

     “My turn to taste _you_ ,” she said breathily, eyes twinkling as she gently ran her tongue along his lower lip.

     Evfra growled, his grip on her tightening as he kissed her; deeply and possessively, his tongue tangling with hers with a kind of hunger that sent shockwaves forcibly up her spine. She moaned against his lips approvingly, tugging him closer by his folds, though there wasn’t any space left between them.

     They stayed there for a while, wrapped around each other almost desperately, before pulling away long enough to catch their breath. “... is that a yes then?” she finally replied, offering him a secret smile, fingers sliding lower and lower until they brushed against the curiously shaped tip, echoing the curved ridges on his head.

     He hissed sharply and dug his fingers into her back in surprise, another deep and throaty purr drifting out, eyes staring into hers curiously. “... here?”

     “What are the chances we’ll get caught?” she quipped lightly, her fingers taking a slightly firmer hold as they twisted clockwise, catching on a long ridge that ran along the underside.

     “Zero,” he said with a distracted, raspy confidence, letting out a guttural groan as her finger pressed upwards, forgetting everything but the feel of her. He swallowed hard and gasped, staring at her with lust-glazed wonderment, finally paying attention when she nodded towards the smooth-stoned enclave behind them. “Bold. You _are_ a treasure…”

     “I’m an adventurer by trade, are you really that surprised?” she grinned, wriggling out of his iron-clad grasp, and swam towards the medium-sized nook, one flutter after another dancing in her stomach. She’d figured he’d respond well, but it didn’t take long to realize she was very much in over her head. If he’d gone without a mate for as long as she suspected… well.

 _Shit_.

     Still, there was a thrill of excitement as she watched him draw closer, hanging off the smooth stone floor and patting it lightly. “Sit.”

     Evfra’s eyes narrowed with suspicion, before he slowly pulled himself up and sat down; legs hanging over the edge as he waited to see what she had planned. She drifted between his thighs, hands sliding along them as she stared at the intimidating and fully erect length awaiting her attention. Her brow furrowed and she took in a deep but determined breath. She could do this; he was big, not monstrous. She totally had this.

     “Lean back a bit,” she said after a moment’s thought, pushing her hands into his thighs as she drew herself up, eventually resting her forearms on them. Only silence followed and when she looked up at him, she was greeted with a deadpan stare and a single arched brow. She groaned and with some effort pushed herself up again, leaning in to nuzzle his jaw. “... please?”

     He smirked and angled his head slightly, catching her lips in a warm kiss; a soft and throaty rumble tickling them when she kissed back. “Better, good girl.”

     She sank back into the water, and Evfra leaned back slightly; resting on his outstretched arms and watching her with a blend of insatiable curiosity and deeply hungry affection. Acutely aware of his steady gaze, she wrapped a slender hand around the base; her grip firm as she pulled upwards, her thumb pressing along the ridge. Her eyes twinkled as it elicited a raspy curse and a sharp hiss, drawing her hand back down, establishing a slow and easy rhythm as her fingers twisted and explored.

     He was certainly firmer than a human, though not so rigid she was worried about discomfort. His shape wasn’t completely alien either, though he was certainly ‘decorated’ differently; smooth at the base, a slender ridge following his entire length on the underside, the tip proportionate to the rest of him, with a few rippling ridges at the top, rather than the usual bulbous shape she was used to. And a certain morbid fascination took over as she considered her initial reaction; it wasn’t just the length that hit her, it was the girth too. Talk about getting stretched.

     Much, _much_ preparation would be needed.

     Still, from the hisses and grunts he made, it was pretty clear she affected him just as much as he affected her, and she couldn’t fight the evil smirk on her face. If he thought _this_ was enjoyable...

     Ryder hummed quietly, pushing herself up a bit as her hand slid down to grip him at the base, licking her lower lip and eyeing him with a single-minded determination. And his previously closed eyes popped open as he let out a guttural groan at feeling her warm, wet lips engulfing him at a torturously slow pace.

     Turnabout’s fair play, after all.

     She hadn’t taken much more than the tip, humming and sending the vibrations through him as she shifted and tried to adjust to the ‘just too big to be perfectly comfortable’ width. But she was nothing if not persistent, and as she took him in little by little she ran her tongue back and forth across the long under-ridge. The loud, incoherent curse it drew out of the angaran forced an evil, throaty chuckle from her, which only extended the cursing… and her muffled laughter.

     It felt _so_ good to not be the one driven mad with lust. So, _so_ good.

     Ryder pulled back for a moment, making a soft ‘popping’ noise as she disconnected, licking her lower lip while she caught her breath. She slowly stretched her neck from side to side and continued stroking him with a hand in the meantime. Evfra took the opportunity to do the same, though his eyes were still hooded and the way he was staring at her…

     She shivered and opened her mouth hesitantly, half-expecting him to lunge at her right then and there. And with his fingers were twitching and tapping the stone floor, he was likely considering it. “I’ve just started. Don’t even _think_ about it,” she warned grumpily, giving him a soft squeeze and before he could make a snarky rebuttal she wrapped her lips around him again, sinking just a bit lower than last time.

     A shaky, guttural groan tickled her ears, and she pushed herself even further before pulling up slowly; far too slowly for the grunting, cursing angaran. Her pace eventually picked up as she positioned herself more comfortably, taking as much as she could and letting her hands tease the rest in sync with her mouth.

     For a man so miserly and efficient with his words, he held back nothing when it came to letting his pleasure be known. And every compulsive noise and groan had her throbbing and shivering in the deepest of places. Sam’s words about her in battle certainly mirrored her sensually; for better or worse, Evfra couldn't decide. As she paused to take another breath, she was relentless; sucking on the delightfully rippled tip to within an inch of his life. He fell back further, resting on his forearms and gasping for air when she dove back down; picking up her pace and humming rather smugly against him.

     Ryder was _really_ good at things that didn't involve words.

     The desperate, shallow breaths, the increasing volume of his groans, the twitching of his hips that gently rocked against her lips would've been enough to tell her he was close when suddenly--

     She made a startled noise and paused for half a second when she felt a buzz of electricity run down her tongue and through her body, making her lips tingle.

     Well... _that_ was new.

     And then it occurred to her what would happen when they--

 _Shit_.

     But Ryder didn't need further prompting, fingers digging into his thighs as she spurred him on, her tongue flicking mercilessly against that oh-so-sensitive line. She shivered with each buzz, making her whole body start to tingle in the best way possible. And before she could make heads or tails of what was happening, his body went stiff and he moaned; long and loud, hips beginning to shudder.

     Strong pulses passed through her and she felt a warm, thick spurt hit the back of her throat. She swallowed quickly, and only just in time to catch a second, a third, and finally a trembling fourth. She slowly pulled upwards, releasing him with a wet ‘pop’ and quietly caught her breath, frowning thoughtfully as she licked her lips. Rich, slightly sweet, a little bitter. Familiar somehow.

    She let the idea brew in the back of her mind as she admired the view of her sensual destruction. Propping her head up with a hand, rubbing the back of her knuckle on the still-hard shaft, she grinned at the results of her persistence; Evfra on his back, breathing heavily and running his fingers back and forth along his head in bewilderment. He only lingered for a moment though, sitting back up when he felt her eyes on him, and in one swift movement he pulled her up out of the water and laid her on the cold stone.

     His eyes finally became clear as he half-rolled on top of her, a thumb brushing her cheek gently with an inscrutable expression on his face. He bent down to kiss her hungrily and deeply, scooping an arm underneath her and pulling her in close. Ryder made a soft noise of approval, intertwining their legs as she held onto his neckfolds lightly. Eventually he pulled back and let out a soft and almost wistful sigh, and she saw a shocked and raw tenderness that hadn't existed there before. It made her squirm and flutter, and her toes curled tightly despite herself.

     “... how…?” One word. Raspy, quiet, demanding, desperate. She furrowed her brow as she stared back at him, no idea what he was trying to say, surprised that for once he seemed at a complete and utter loss.

     So she simply shrugged and smiled back at him, her hands spreading outwards to stroke his upper arms.

     His eyes scanned her face, taking in every detail while his thumb brushed back and forth across her lower lip. After a long and electric silence he sighed again and let more of his weight rest on her as he brought his face close. “... I'm not letting go of you,” he murmured, his voice firm but somehow the words tremored.

     “I don't want you to,” she replied quietly, a knowing twinkle in her eye, and she felt one big rush of flutters run along her body.

     His eyes searched hers in silence, brow furrowed as though trying to ferret out the truth of her words, and she met his gaze steadily; open and fearless in a way she hadn't before. Finally he smiled, small and bare, and leaned in to kiss her possessively, arms locked around her as he twisted them onto their sides. He rubbed her back lightly while continuing to come down from his sensual high, and she felt that familiar thrumming of electricity that always coupled his touch.

     “... _good_.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (7/27) A/N: Heh. Heh. Heh. (*imagine Grunt's laughter here*)
> 
> In the words of Evfra...
> 
>  
> 
> _You're welcome._


	13. Unexpected Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryder's hunt for the Archon took a hard left when they discovered the salarian ark, and she found herself stepping on figurative mines with the choices she was forced to make. But as much as she'd braced herself for the judgement and criticism, there was no way she could've prepared for how far the consequences would ripple out... 
> 
> Warning: Slippery feels ahead

* * *

 

 

     “Are we done yet?” Ryder groaned, legs dangling over the patient bed in the med bay. “I’m fine, I told you.”

     Lexi arched a delicate brow and pursed her lips gently, sending a shiver up the Pathfinder’s spine. “As your doctor, _I_ tell you when you’re fine, not the other way around.”

     “Don’t do it Lex, don’t put me on medical leave. I just got off one a couple weeks ago!” she exclaimed with a huff, rolling her eyes and hopping off the bed as she pulled off her shirt and pants.

    “And what happens the moment I take you off? You get yourself killed, _literally_. I warned you, and what happened?” the asari scoffed, bristling as she shot her a disapproving glare. With a quick gesture of her finger Ryder turned around with a groan, showing off the newest bruises acquired during their time on the salarian ark.

     “It’s not like-- come on, you were talking about me pushing myself too hard. This was different.” She could feel herself stumble over her words, and none of them did anything to appease the doctor, whose eyes narrowed into distrustful slits.

     “No, this was worse. Your AI killed you, and you agreed to it.”

     “Him, not it. He’s not an it,” Ryder grumbled, nodding her head in thanks when Lexi handed her a couple medi-gels, treating the worst of the bruises. “And it was a shit situation, what was I supposed to do? Leave us there in that stasis field until we starved to death, or someone came by and killed us while we were paralyzed?”

     Lexi sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, waving in protest and shaking her head. “No Ryder, that’s not the point. The point is--”

     “Look, he brought me back. He said he would, and he did. He said it’d work, and it did. And you think that’s a reason to distrust him? He’s just proven how trustworthy he is!” She threw her hands in the air and looked at her with a mix of frustration and helplessness.

    “Don’t you see how dangerous he could be? He’s so entangled with you, your physiology that he can and _has_ killed you in the blink of an eye. As though death was only a temporary and convenient exit strategy. SAM, organics aren’t as easily repairable as you. You can’t just turn us off and on and think there won’t be long-term repercussions. You can’t do something like this again,” Lexi pleaded, staring out into the room, though Ryder rolled her eyes and muttered at the lecture.

     “Dr. T’Perro, I’m aware of the fragility of organic life, and though my actions give you pause, I assure you that I am deeply invested in Ryder’s well-being. As much as I am a part of her, she is a part of me. I didn’t offer that option lightly, but it was the only option I had to offer,” Sam replied calmly, and Ryder sighed tiredly as she began to put her clothes on again.

     “I trust him Lexi, with my life. Quite literally. And I’m fine, I’m wonderful, I’ve never been better. I can keep working,” she said defensively, brow furrowed with uncertainty as her eyes scanned the weary asari.

     “I… very well. I see there’s no point in arguing with the two of you,” Lexi sighed, the downwards curl of her lips showing unadulterated worry and concern. “I suppose it’s simply my job to pick up the pieces when you come back in tatters.”

     “You’re a good doctor, Lex,” Ryder smiled apologetically, squeezing her upper arm gently while tugging her shirt down with the other. “Don’t worry, I don’t have some crazed deathwish and Sam isn’t a psychotic and unhinged AI. We did what we had to in a shit situation, that’s all. Not like it’s my go-to strategy for everything.”

     Her words seemed to reassure the doctor, and she gave an inner sigh of relief when she saw the tension melt from her shoulders. “... I suppose I should be grateful I only have one Ryder to contend with. Any more and I think you might kill me,” Lexi said wryly, a long and audible rush of air escaping her nostrils as she performed one last scan. “Your vitals are fine, your injuries minimal and as of yet I don’t see any immediate repercussions to SAM’s parlor trick. I’ll give my approval to continue your mission, but I want you in here every few days until I’m confident there aren’t any long-term effects I need to be concerned about.”

     “Your wish is my command,” Ryder quipped, saluting lazily and offering her an impish grin when the asari rolled her eyes.

     “And SAM, I’m trusting you to make sure she doesn’t miss an appointment. This is your doing after all,” Lexi said reproachfully, though there was an edge of annoyance in her voice.

     “Of course, Dr. T’Perro. I will do my best,” Sam said easily, waiting until Ryder had retreated back into her quarters before speaking up again. “Thank you Ryder.”

     “Don’t worry about it Sam, I’ve got you,” she said with a tired smile, taking a seat at her desk and swiping her omni-tool quickly to page Kallo. “Alright, time to face the firing squad; let’s get to the Nexus.”

     “You made a difficult choice on the ark,” Sam said quietly, and Ryder grimaced at the recollection, running her fingers through her hair and gripping it tightly.

     “Difficult doesn’t begin to describe it. I can only imagine what Kallo thinks of me right now, and what about Tann? That trip was a bag full of shit choices,” she muttered, scratching the back of her head in agitation. “Someone wasn’t going to make it out, and I’m the unlucky bastard that had to decide who.”

    “May I ask why you ended up choosing the krogans over the Pathfinder and her team?” he asked, and despite how the question stung, she appreciated his tone was neutral as ever, not an ounce of judgement in it. Goodness knew she was going to be judged harshly, no matter what she’d ended up deciding.

     Ryder let out a shaky breath and squeezed the back of her neck before turning on her console. “The krogans had been given a shit deal from the beginning, they always have. I just… to watch them be experimented on top of everything else, I just-- I couldn’t. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself, knowing what would happen to Drack’s people if we left them behind. And he’s my people so… I did what I had to do.”

     “Your sense of loyalty runs deeply,” Sam observed with interest, and she offered a rueful half-smile as she scrolled her emails.

     “Guess so.”

     “A quality I have also benefitted from, and one I suspect you elicit in others.”

     “We’re doing the best we can in a hysterically fucked up situation. This mass exodus from the Milky Way literally couldn’t have been any worse. Pretty much everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong,” she chuckled derisively, tilting her head when she realized there weren’t any emails from Evfra. He usually dropped some kind of message, however brief, to her nearly every day.

     Strange.

     Ryder shrugged it off and got up, her feet feeling restless and itchy with anticipation. They’d squeezed what time they could between duties, but they were both busy people with a lot on their plates. They wouldn’t always be able to connect; it was a simple fact she knew from the get-go.

     “You’re under an incredible amount of pressure as the Pathfinder. I had expected you might buckle with the weight of the galaxy on your shoulders, but you’ve done very well.”

     “I’m trying, all I can do,” she murmured, hugging her torso as she headed for the windows, staring out into the black thoughtfully.

     “It’s to your credit that no one seems to have taken your youth or inexperience into account. If it was something worth considering before, it’s not now.”

     “Doubtful. I think no one wants to be reminded that it’s a twenty-two year old determining the fate of the galaxy. Think if I’d heard that off the cuff, I’d’ve been shitting my pants for us,” she scoffed self-deprecatingly, tightening her arms around herself. “When it’s all over I’ll break down. Proper, full-on nervous breakdown. If I make it that far, I think I’ll have earned it.”

     “You said something similar to the Moshae before. You feel the psychological strain more than you let on.”

     “Sam, yesterday I signed the death warrants of innocent people. People who helped us survive, fought beside us to help us reach our goal. Good people. And I let them die. That’s on my head, that’s all me, and I have to live with that,” Ryder closed her eyes and sucked in a slow breath, stretching her neck left and right before watching the stars dotting the void. “What else am I going to have to decide before this is all over? I don’t want to know.”

     “Ryder…”

     “Yeah?” she murmured, pushing a couple fingers into her cheek and feeling a shiver run through her as she saw the space station appear in the distance.

     “No one could have been prepared for what we encountered here. No one would have had an easier time making the choices you have, regardless of how much older or experienced they were. And many would have crumbled by now. You haven’t.”

     A smile tugged on Ryder’s mouth, though it never fully appeared. “You trying to give me another pep talk, Sam?”

     “My previous attempt had proven successful, it seemed reasonable to do it again.”

     “You have a softer touch than I would’ve expected for an AI.”

     “Thank you. Ryder?”

    “Yeah?”

     “I’ve noticed something, it’s made me curious.”

     “What’s that?” she asked, stiffening as Kallo slowed down to make his final approach, the Nexus looming before them.

     “When you say my name, it seems different than the way others say it. Why is that?”

     “Do I? I hadn’t noticed,” she shrugged indifferently, heading back to her back and grabbing the leather jacket strewn across it haphazardly.

     Sam went quiet as she quickly checked herself in the mirror, ignoring the bags that seemed to be making a constant appearance of late. “You say it as though it was my name, rather than an abbreviation. As a way to humanize me, perhaps?”

     Ryder opened her mouth, and after a few moments made a surprised noise. “... guess so. Never thought about it.”

     “I appreciate it. Perhaps more so because it was unconscious.”

     “We having another moment, Sam?” she asked ruefully, unable to fight a smile from fully appearing.

     “I believe we are.”

     “You know, no matter what anyone says, we did the right thing. We had to, and we did it, and it worked. No regrets.” Her words were determined and stubborn as she made her way out of her quarters and down the hallway, tilting her chin upwards as she prepared herself for whatever reactions would greet her once she stepped foot off the Tempest.

     “No regrets,” Sam affirmed quietly, and she wondered if it was something he actually meant, if AIs could feel remorse, or if it was just said as a gesture of support. Didn’t matter, still made her chest ache.

 

     More than a week had passed since they’d discovered the salarian ark and rescued its remaining occupants, and despite the expected disapproval and questioning of her judgement, Ryder had managed to take it all in stride. And while she’d picked up where they left off and taken the crew to Voeld, something had begun picking in the back of her head, something she couldn’t quite shake.

     Evfra.

     He hadn’t said a word to her since that mission. Not a call or an email; it was as though he’d dropped off the face of the galaxy. Something wasn’t right, but she had no idea what. Everything had gone well the last time she saw him, and she was certain she’d know if something had bothered him; he had no qualms expressing his annoyance with her. So what was going on? Had something bad happened to the Resistance?

     She didn’t want to nag, so when he didn’t respond to her email after a few days, she decided to leave it. But there was an unsettled feeling in her stomach, and she wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do other than wait. He’d seemed so much more straightforward, easy to understand than Jaal… was the cultural gap between them finally beginning to show?

     Ryder let out a weary sigh as she stared up at the bowels of the Nomad, tightening some screws with an inaudible mutter. It was the wee hours of the morning, and she hadn’t been able to sleep. During the day she didn’t think about it, there was no time to. But in the quiet of night, her tendency to overthink returned full force.

     “Ryder, that you?” Drack grunted as he stalked into the cargo bay, heading to one of the work tables as he pulled out his shotgun and laid it on top.

     “Hey Drack, yeah it’s me,” she replied, sliding out from underneath the Nomad and looking at him upside down. “Another late night?”

     “Yeah.”

     “Me too,” she nodded, getting up with a groan and wiping her hands on her pants. “Getting wound up again, thought this would help clear my head.”

     “Is it working?” he asked brusquely, expertly taking apart the gun and grabbing a cloth and some cleaner. For all that Drack came off as a rough and violent warrior, he showed meticulous care for his weapons, though maybe she shouldn’t have been surprised at the discovery.

     Ryder gave him a half-smile as she began to put her tools away and shook her head. “Not really. Was worth a shot though. Liking the new gun I got you?”

     Drack sniffed and shrugged, though the corner of his lips tugged gently. “It’s alright. Hits harder, I like that.”

     “And the incendiary ammo I put in?”

     “Mm, good surprise. More fun to charge at a flaming kett,” he said wryly, finally looking over at her so they could exchange small, knowing smiles.

     “Long as you don’t get set on fire. Don’t think Kesh or Lexi would forgive me if you did,” she grinned, closing the toolbox and bringing it to the work table next to him.

     “Wouldn’t be the first time, they worry too much,” he smirked, unhooking a second shotgun at his hip and tossed it over to her. “Accuracy on this one’s gone off. Spray is too wide.”

     Ryder sighed and nodded, turning it over curiously before beginning to take it apart. “Least you’re getting good use out of them. Don’t think anyone else’s guns see this much abuse.”

     “They’re young, hesitate too much,” he commented nonchalantly, smacking his lips quietly a couple times before motioning his head back towards her. “We never talked about what happened on the ark.”

     “Figured we didn’t need to,” she shrugged, making a gagging noise and laughing as she began to clean the nozzle. “Seriously. Guts? Couldn’t even clean the gun before you gave it to me, huh? How’d you manage to get them in this deep? Nasty.”

     “Talent,” Drack quipped, his lips curling more deeply as he let out a husky chuckle. “Happens when you smash a face in with your gun.”

     “Yeah… no. Happens when a _krogan_ smashes someone’s face in with their gun.”

     “What I said.”

     “I love you.”

     “I know,” he said with an amused thrum, pausing for a moment before half-turning towards her. “About what happened on the ark…”

     “Hey, we don’t need to--”

     “You did right by me, kid. Did right for us. I won’t forget it,” he said gruffly, and she sniffed unconsciously at his steady and almost stern gaze. “You said you’d have my back, and now I know you do.”

     Ryder’s smile wavered a bit and she shrugged sheepishly. “Didn’t believe me before?”

     “Squishies talk and that’s usually all it is. You mean what you say, counts for a lot around here.”

     “Yeah, well hopefully it’ll give me bonus points when we get to Elaaden,” she murmured, scrunching her nose as she threw the dried gut-ridden cloth in the trash and reached for a clean one. “It’s gonna be a difficult crowd to win over. Maybe the toughest one yet.”

     “Krogans have been getting a shit deal from the start, nothing’s changed,” he grunted, lips twisting downwards as he began to put the gun back together. “A thousand years and it’s the same bullshit.”

     “Agreed,” she said tersely, scanning the scattered pieces of the shotgun with her omni-tool and picking up the offending malfunctioning part.

     “Maybe with you here… maybe it’ll make a difference. Maybe I’ll get to see things be a little less shit for krogans before I die,” Drack said reluctantly, and if she squinted hard enough she might have caught the smallest strand of hope in his voice.

     “Before you die. You talk a lot about dying, Drack. Everyone else might worry about you, but I don’t, and you wanna know why?” she smirked, her tongue poking out as she delicately twisted something back into place.

     “Why?”

     “Cause you’re the toughest badass I know, and you’re a one-krogan army even with most of your redundant organs gone. Pretty sure if death comes knocking at your door, you’ll just headbutt him back into oblivion,” she smiled, widening into a full on grin when Drack suddenly burst out into a raspy laugh.

     “Not going down without a fight,” he agreed with an amused sigh, clicking the last piece into place and loaded it with an approving grunt. “So what’s been keeping you up?”

     “You know, the usual.”

     Drack sniffed and nodded, turning around to watch her work idly. “Guys.”

     “Mhm.”

     “New one, right?”

     “Yeah.”

     “Want me to shoot him?”

     Ryder laughed and rubbed the back of her neck, a contented sigh escaping her lips before she looked at him fondly. “Have I told you I loved you?”

     “Uh-huh,” he said smugly, and there was a bright twinkle in his eye. “So what’s he done?”

     “Well… nothing actually. I mean, he’s the leader of the Resistance, I know he’s busy. But I mean… he came on really strong right out the gate, I’d hear from him pretty regularly. And now? It’s like I don’t exist. It’s really weird,” she murmured with an uncertain frown. “You want a narrow range, or just narrower than before?”

     “Narrower,” Drack replied decidedly, arms crossed over her chest as he mulled over her words. “So he’s playing hot and cold?”

     “I’m beginning to think so.”

     The old krogan let out a soft grunt and shook his head. “Too bad you’re not krogan, you’d probably do better with one of ours. Less bullshit, less games.”

     “Hey, if I wasn’t positive that sex with a krogan would break me into a hundred pieces… I’d probably consider it at this point,” she chuckled, looking over everything with a satisfied nod before putting it back together.

     “So what you gonna do?”

     Ryder sighed and shrugged, quickly clicking pieces into place distractedly. “Try to talk to him I guess. I only poked him the once, didn’t want to get on his case if he was just busy. So I’ll try again and see what happens.”

     “And if that doesn’t work…”

     “You can shoot him in the kneecaps,” she smirked, sharing a mischievous grin with him before stretching and sighing. “Okay, gonna try to sleep again.”

     “Same. Sweet dreams kid,” he nodded, heading out of the cargo bay with a pleased thrum.

     “Night, Drack,” she smiled, frowning slightly as she stared blankly and rubbed her arm. She had a bad feeling about it, but she couldn’t spend all of her free time stewing and overthinking. Had to get shit done.

     Email Evfra. Right.

 

     A few days later, Ryder found herself walking down the path from the docks towards the Resistance HQ, stomach twisting and writhing the entire way. She’d messaged Evfra again after her talk with Drack, and after a couple days he finally replied:

 

* * *

 

          From: Evfra de Tershaav

          To: Jill Ryder

 

          Meet me at the HQ when you’re available. I need to talk to you.

 

          E

* * *

 

     She didn’t know what he wanted to talk about, had no clue what was wrong, but it didn’t take a genius to know that the ‘we need to talk’ line was a universal bad omen. Still, she did her best to appear relaxed and casual, ignoring the way her heart was racing and how her fingers had begun to snap and spark as her anxiety increased.

     And despite her best efforts, her body was tense and her face was painted with thinly-veiled uncertainty when she walked into the central office and saw Evfra speaking with an angaran woman she’d never seen before. Almost immediately his head turned sharply towards her, lips pressed together in a thin line as he looked her over slowly, and her stomach dropped when she realized that his eyes were blank; missing a certain sparkle and warmth that she’d become accustomed to in their short time together.

     “Pathfinder, you’re here,” he nodded curtly, waving the woman away as he came around the desk and approached her, motioning back towards the door. “Walk with me.”

     Ryder’s brow furrowed and she turned around, keeping pace with him while he walked beside her, and she couldn’t help but notice how his hands were clasped behind his back.

     This was not good.

     “I received Jaal’s report about what happened on the salarian ark,” he finally said after some tense silence, leading her to a secluded balcony and staring out at the view below.

     “It was a shit-show,” she nodded, rubbing the back of her neck and watching him closely, brow furrowed with obvious worry. “Is that what this is about?”

     A long, audible rush of air escaped his nostrils, lips pursed tightly before he finally turned to look at her, an unfamiliar glint in his eye. “Yes. It was a… harsh dose of reality, you might say.”

     Ryder opened her mouth to reply, but nothing came out except a small and confused noise. “Harsh dose-- but I’m fine. I mean I’m okay, I came out in one piece,” she replied, scratching the back of her neck. “No big deal.”

     Something flashed across his eyes for a second; maybe it was hurt, or worry, she couldn’t quite tell. “You died, Ryder.”

     “For a minute, so it’s not like I was _dead_ dead, just… momentarily not alive,” she argued weakly, realizing how stupid it sounded the moment it left her mouth. “There was no other way, I had to do it or we’d all have been trapped.”

     “I’m not questioning your judgement Ryder, I’m questioning mine.” Evfra crossed his arms over his chest and turned his gaze back to the view, his voice laced with bitter regret. “I’m no longer certain we should continue exploring this… connection between us.”

     Her mind barely registered the strain in his voice, hidden underneath the coolness of his words, too thrown by the feeling of a krogan hammer to her chest. She sucked in a sharp breath, fingers snapping lightly as she stared at the ground, trying to make sense of what he was saying. “... why? Because I-- because of what happened?”

     A quiet sigh escaping his lips as he took a step closer, hands hovering on her arms though he couldn’t quite bring himself to touch her. “At any time you may be faced with similar decisions, your job requires it. Mine forces me to remain here, unable to do anything but read a report in the aftermath.”

     “But you knew that-- I mean, it’s been this way since I arrived. It’s my _job_. It never occurred to you before? Only now it’s a problem?” There was no hiding the frustration in her voice, running her fingers through her hair as she gave him a disbelieving and annoyed look.

     “I hadn’t thought-- I hadn’t _thought_ ,” he said tiredly, closing his hands into fists before he finally crossed his arms over his chest. “You’ve said more than once that I had you in a ‘fog’ since the Tavetaan. You weren’t the only one, surely you could see that. I haven’t-- it’s been-- _becoming_ , more complicated than I’d anticipated.”

     Ryder’s mouth gaped open and she gave him a deadpan stare, snorting and flicking her fingers agitatedly. “You said it was simple. You feel it, I feel it, so we’re here. So who was right then? _I_ was the one who was worried. _You_ were the one who wanted to dive in. I followed your lead. I opened myself up to this because _you_ were.”

     Evfra’s jaw clenched and his body stiffened at her demands, unable to meet her accusing gaze. “I know. I didn’t think it was possible-- that I was capable of-- that you could be a... liability.”

     “A liability,” she repeated dumbly, her mind beginning to tailspin and a long-forgotten nausea started to creep up her throat.

     “Isolation wasn’t a choice, but it was a necessity; my people depended on me. A minor sacrifice in the larger scheme of things. You-- that night I questioned myself. I wanted more. So much more.” His words were quiet, contained, and she could hear him wrestling but it didn’t stop her stomach from twisting unbearably. “I-- it’s been too long. I felt-- _feel_ too much. It’s been difficult to-- we’ve only just begun-- I can’t risk those lines blurring more than they have.”

     Ryder let out a shaky sigh and ran her fingers through her hair, even as the topmost strands began to lift, leaning on the balcony and staring into the distance.

     “If I hesitate, if I falter, if I’m distracted, lives are lost. I don’t have the luxury of worrying without consequences.”

     Something in his words, the soft gravel in his voice tugged at her but she didn’t pay it any mind, numbness taking over as she struggled to find something to say. Anything had to be better than this paralyzing muteness.

     “You’ve been unspeakably comforting, strangely familiar and… intoxicating. Dangerously so. I’m both not myself and most myself when you’re around. I breathe you in and-- the Resistance can’t afford for me to continue going down this road, too much is at stake.” Evfra stood beside her, leaning over quietly as he tried and failed to catch her gaze.

     She nodded vaguely when she realized he’d stopped speaking, and though she was aware of his eyes taking in her every detail as always, she made no effort to look back at him. After everything… after all that, a whirlwind that had left her breathless and more open than she’d ever been…

     This was how the story ended? _This_? She’d let herself-- for a brief and shining moment she’d thought maybe she wasn’t that crazy, maybe it wasn’t that insane. Maybe it could be that once in a lifetime ‘what the fuck is this amazing and natural soul-tugging thing’ that people talked about wistfully, but never actually experienced.

     But this… had to be some kind of sick joke. Everything he said made sense, it made too much sense. She couldn’t refute any points he’d made, any concerns he’d expressed, she’d felt similarly at first. But somehow it still felt like bullshit. It still felt wrong, and she still felt slimy hearing it all.

     “I’ve been a hard-headed fool for you from the beginning,” he murmured, tucking some hair behind her ear gently, sighing when she automatically stiffened at his touch. “I thought I could separate-- but I can’t. It’s been too long, I want too much, I don’t know how… how?”

     Ryder shivered at the touch, gritting her teeth as it lingered and his finger trailed down her cheek. To say she was at a loss was an understatement. She was frozen in place, and anything that might have felt like hurt or anger or betrayal or being used was swirling so far down she couldn’t quite reach it. It would come later, it always did.

     Survive the moment, make it through this, fall apart later. It was what allowed her to be the Pathfinder as quickly as she had, what allowed everyone to think that she was fine, that the burden was feather-light. And it was what made moments like these so lung-crushingly impossible. He was baring himself, and she was frozen. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe, it was too much.

     “Ryder, say something,” Evfra prompted with a sigh, and in the back of her head she noted a quiet longing that she felt too, somewhere just beyond her grasp.

     She jerked her head when his hand dropped to her back, her focus suddenly zooming back to the balcony and him standing so close beside her. “What am I supposed to say? You don’t want to do this anymore,” she said with a helpless shrug, her voice dry and cracked as she spoke. “Am I supposed to argue about it? Am I supposed to beg you to change your mind? If you don’t want to be here, I’m not going to force your hand.”

     “I want too much, and am capable of too little,” he answered bitterly, his hand automatically stroking her lower back when she slouched forward on her forearms.

     “It all boils down to the same thing, doesn’t it? This… whatever this is-- _was_ , is going to stop. Right?” She pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes tight, cursing under her breath as embarrassment began to sink in.

     How could she be so stupid?

     “I don’t-- I don’t see another way. If there was…” Evfra looked at her searchingly, his hand following the line up her back, and if she’d turned to face him she might have seen a painful blend of helplessness and frustration twisting his expression. But she didn’t. It was all she could do to breathe, to try and listen, take in what he was saying.

     It made so much sense.

     She was crazy. She was crazy to think that he, of all people, could possibly… she knew he’d lost everything, everyone. Somewhere in the past. She knew how devastating that was, she’d just gone through it herself. She knew those cuts, she knew how it bled when no one was looking.

     But she saw something amazing, and like an idiot she just went for it. Let him talk her out of overthinking, being in the moment. She opened her arms up to the possibilities, and this was what she got. Even with everything going on, the shittiest start in a new place, all alone… she hadn’t given up.

     But he was.

     And as nauseous as the thought made her, as gross as she felt for sharing as much of herself as she had with him… the worst part was that she couldn’t entirely blame him.

     Shit happened. One moment you’re in a daze, you’re high on something new that’s unfurling, you’re seeing stars. And the next moment reality is slapping you in the face, the clouds part and what looked like smooth sailing is just a storm on the horizon.

     Too much was at stake, for both of them. And it was too much for her to face. Not now, not with everything else.

     Ryder sucked in a gasping breath and straightened herself, eyes locking on his as she attempted to give him a tight smile, though it wavered and shook at the edges. “Well, guess I get to be right for once,” she quipped weakly, inhaling slowly as her eyes began to gloss over in spite of herself. “You’re who you are, and I’m who I am. Silly to think that… that it could end anywhere but here.”

     “Ryder…” Evfra murmured, lips pinching so tightly together they almost disappeared, and he pulled her towards him instinctively but she winced and shrugged him off, taking a step away from him.

     She bit her lip hard and shook her head, mouth trembling and brow furrowing as she fought to say something, to bow out with as much dignity as she could muster. “I know what it’s like, I know what it’s like to lose everything. I know what that does to you. I don’t-- I can’t blame you for hesitating, for needing to stop. I just… I thought you felt-- I thought maybe-- I’m sorry it wasn’t worth the risk. Cause it was to me. I thought it was worth it.”

     Before he could reply, she turned on her heel and walked back towards the main pathway, chewing her lip desperately as she picked up her pace, needing to create as much distance as she could between them. She made it all the way past the Tavetaan before some rogue tears slipped down her cheeks, but she kept walking. Don’t acknowledge them and maybe they’re not there.

     Just one foot in front of the other. Just get to the Tempest. Get to her quarters. Make it that far. Make it that far and she could fall apart, just for a little bit. Don’t think about how she never opened herself like that so fast. Don’t think about how his smile; that small, scant, knowing smile made her stomach flutter and her chest ache. How the simplest touch had her melting. How warm it felt with his arms around her. How weird and bizarre and impossibly comfortable it was to be around him. Don’t think about what it was going to be like without all that.

     It was just too new. Too much. Too fast. That’s all, it happened.

     So why did it feel like she’d been sucker-punched repeatedly until her insides were an obliterated mash?

     The lower corner of her lip was puffy and swollen with how much she’d been chewing it, her hands were shaking as she sped up the ramp and down the hall towards her quarters. Just make it inside. Just get that far. Keep it in till then.

     And the second she heard the doors slide shut behind her, heard Sam lock them as though he’d read her mind, she crumpled to the ground and hid her face in her hands. Her shoulders shook and the tears fell freely and she could feel her whole face turn pink and puffy and she didn’t care. It didn’t matter.

     She could feel Sam there, present and silent, though how she knew she couldn’t say. After a few minutes she looked up; her face a tear-stained, red-eyed mess as she wiped her cheeks with the heel of her hand.

     “... Sam?”

     “Yes, Ryder?” His tone was soft, gentle, much more than she’d have thought he was capable of. And somehow it made the gaping hole in her chest ache that much harder.

     “I think… I think now I give up. I think now I’m throwing in the towel.” Her voice was thick and swollen with emotion, and no matter how many times she wiped her eyes, tears kept spilling.

     “I’m sorry, Ryder,” he replied after a moment, and she imagined him attempting to hug her, as awkward as that may have been.

     “Yeah… me too.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (8/17) A/N: 
> 
> ... well. 
> 
> I said the road would be bumpy, and I wasn't lying. 
> 
> For those of you who've made it this far with me, thank you <3 What a wild ride this has been with my stories; what huge experiments, massive undertakings and personal risks they've been. 
> 
> Thank you for being open and discovering the story with me. 
> 
> ... okay, Drack would disown me, I'm going soft. I'm going to blame it on being up way too late, and feeling way too shredded after finishing writing this. Sometimes things have to come to a head, there's no escaping it but goddammit if it still doesn't suck when they do. 
> 
> Hope you all have a great day; you are awesome, and you are worth it ;)


	14. Facing the Music

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After running away from Aya, Ryder didn't stop - burying herself in her work to avoid dealing with the crash and burn of her feelings for Evfra. But she couldn't run forever, and when an unexpected request to return comes up, Ryder finds herself faced with far more than she planned.

* * *

 

 

 _“A life for a life, is mine really worth more than his?”_ The words echoed in Ryder’s mind as she stared blankly out the window, watching the icy peaks of Voeld shrink in the distance as the Tempest took flight.

   An ancient AI. Self-aware, left in the frozen caverns for who knows how long and ready to kill to survive. She wasn’t sure what to make of it. Her companion on the other hand, had clearly made up his mind from the beginning.

   “Thank you Ryder,” Sam said quietly, his words slicing through the thick and muted air.

   “Mm. Your silence spoke volumes. Not ready for a live-in girlfriend?” she said wryly, the barest smile cracking her otherwise stony and stoic expression.

   “No. Particularly one that appears to be deceitful and either homicidal or suicidal, depending on how the wind blows.”

   “I can see how that might put a damper on things,” she replied, arms crossed over her chest, eyes half-glazed as she peered out at the strange and distant stars.

   “Slightly.”

   “Still, she was an AI like yourself.”

   “As much as a human is like a krogan... but considering your own proclivities, I may have picked a poor example.” Sam’s pause between words had been timed so perfectly she found herself chuckling, sounding dry and rusty to the ears.

   “Touche.” Her fingers tightened around her upper arms for a moment, brow furrowed as her mind sunk back into her own thoughts again.

   But Sam was determined to interrupt any and all brooding. “I am glad my adjustments towards humor have improved - it’s the first time I’ve heard you laugh in some time.”

   Ryder’s lips pinched into a thin line as his words drew her out again and she shrugged. “Been busy. A lot on my mind.”

   “Yes, you have thrown yourself into your work since that day.” His tone was emotionless, and she wondered if he would eventually play with tone and inflection the way he was with colloquialisms. Still, she felt a grey cloud rolling in at even the slightest mention.

_That day._

   One of the hardest days she’d had to face since waking up on Heleus. The shock, the tears, the gaping hole in her chest, the twisted grasping vines of doubt and self-flagellation… Sam was the only one to see it; the only one to know, _really_ know what happened on Aya. Because she hadn’t spoken a word about it since.

   Instead she pushed it aside, shoved it under the rug and continued trucking along on their quest as though nothing had happened. Didn’t matter how she bled, some things would always matter more - the future of the galaxy took precedence to measly heartbreak. So she clawed her way from one task to another; nothing but sheer force of will getting her out of bed the next day, and the next. Her feelings would sort themselves out, or be crushed by the burden on her shoulders.

   She didn’t have the luxury to mourn, wallow, navel-gaze; the things any other girl her age would do. No time to spend nights crying with a bottle of wine and pints of ice cream, surrounded by girlfriends telling her what an asshole he was, how she was worth so much more, how she was amazing and powerful and would find someone who wanted her for her and would be more afraid of letting go than holding on. She couldn’t spend weeks on end in her quarters, shutting the world out and listening to soul-wrenching lyrics and questioning her every prior word and action, driving herself crazy by second-guessing herself, wondering who she was at the core.

   Everyone knew what happened, it wasn’t as if she’d denied it. Her avoidance of Aya and all things Resistance for weeks made it perfectly clear what had happened, what had gone wrong. But what could she say to the people who’d slowly and quietly formed a tight circle around her? She still couldn’t wrap her head around it. It still refused to make sense.

   It was times like this that made her resent her position more deeply than she’d ever dare express. If her romantic turmoil didn’t drown her, the never-ending mountain of problems that needed solving would. The harder she pushed, the more she tackled, the more capable the she proved to be, the more was thrown onto her lap. She needed a break, but where the hell was she going to get one?

_That day._

   She didn’t say anything, nodding her head curtly and sliding a hand around the back of her neck to squeeze it firmly.

   “Is that why you chose to send the AI to Aya?”

   Ryder bit her lip and fought a dark smirk, shrugging not-so-innocently as she finally turned away from the window. “Maybe she can help. Or maybe she’ll drive him crazy.”

   “You hope it will be the latter?”

   “Only if I’m lucky,” she chuckled quietly, shaking her head and heaving a sigh before she flopped onto the couch.

   Before Sam could respond, a soft ping sounded from her omni-tool. “A call from the Nexus.”

   She scrunched her nose in confusion and sat up straight, hunching over and resting her elbows on her knees as she waited for Kallo’s voice to interject. “Pathfinder, Kandros is requesting a vidcall. Shall I transfer it to the conference room?”

   “Yeah, be right there,” she nodded dully, getting up with a groan and shaking her shoulders a few times. Why was Kandros calling?

   Moments later she was leaning against the railing, chin propped with slender fingers as she waited for the turian’s holograph to show up.

   “Pathfinder, good to see you again.” His voice had that low, strange and enticing vibrato that all turians shared, and she found a reluctant but lopsided smile start to creep its way onto her lips.

   “Hey Kandros, what can I do for you?”

   “Got a request from on high,” he said wryly, arms firmly pinned behind his back. “Not sure what you’ve been up to out there, but it seems the angara are finally starting to warm up to the idea of working with us more closely.”

   Ryder couldn’t help but jerk her head, and an open frown began to wash away the smile. “What do you mean?”

   “Tan approached me about sending an Apex Strike Team to train alongside one of their Heskaarl units. To test the waters, as it were.” She didn’t miss the subtle arch of his brow and she found herself leaning towards the hologram in disbelief.

   “Huh?”

   “That’s what I said. Then he asked how many we could reasonably spare if initial training went well. _Tan_ said this. Sure you didn’t put something in the water last time you were here?” Kandros chuckled and shook his head, before nodding her way. “Since you’ve been the one sending them out on missions, I thought you should decide. Aaaand I was hoping you’d be able to help oversee the training session-- if you had the time.”

   “Where?”

   “Aya. Had a brief chat with Evfra, and they have a patch of jungle down there specifically for advanced field training. Figured you could sync it up with the next time you happened to be in the area. Just tell me which team you want and I’ll send them your way.” The turian smiled easily, but tilted his head when he saw the barely-veiled disagreeable look on her face. “... problem?”

   “What? No, not at all,” she replied quickly, coughing awkwardly and painting a strained smile on her lips. “No, that’s great. Really didn’t think anyone was listening. Yeah sure, of course I’ll help lead a session. I uh… maybe we’ll bring one of the mixed teams, show the angara how we work together.”

   “Good idea, maybe you could bring some of your own along - introduce them to biotics. Assuming this works out, I’d try to send them a few,” Kandros replied with a satisfied nod, his hands finally relaxing and finding purchase on his hips. “Thanks for this Ryder; if I could leave the Nexus without Tan having a mild-mannered fit, I’d do it myself. But I’m still tethered here for now.”

  Ryder waved dismissively, despite feeling her muscles in her neck stiffen. “I know, don’t worry about it. Been meaning to stop by for a while anyway; finished some errands for the locals. Send me what info you’ve got and I’ll rifle through the teams downstairs and select one.”

   “Great, let me know how it goes.” Kandros gave her a decisive nod and logged off, and she immediately covered her face with her hands, letting out a long and painful groan.

   “... _fuck_.”

 

   “Still can’t believe the Initiative is gonna work alongside the Resistance,” Peebee commented with a whistle, staring out at the lush landscape of Aya a few days later. “Feels like we’re making real headway with the angara.”

   Ryder nodded vaguely, face taut and pensive as she gazed out the opposite window of the shuttle. “Our strike team should be warming up when we arrive. Kandros did most of the legwork; coordinated a tentative schedule with the Resistance. First day they teach us, second we teach them, third we try to combine our efforts and see what happens.”

   Cora shook her head and smiled at the bright look on the asari’s face and rubbed her cheek. “It’s a test, let’s make the most of it.”

   “Who else will be running it?” Peebee asked curiously, fingers tapping the glass without a backwards glance, starting to bounce on her heels lightly.

   “Jaal. He’s one of their best, trains the Resistance whenever we land, and has firsthand experience with us. If anyone can blend our teams together, it’ll be him.” The Pathfinder sighed quietly as she crossed her arms over her chest, unable to deny the relief she felt at the arrangement.

   “Worried it was gonna be someone else?” The asari gave Ryder a sly glance, followed by an encouraging nod when agitated lines formed around her mouth. “Don’t worry about it hun, we’ve got you.”

   “You’re the Pathfinder. Kicking ass, taking names and solving problems no one else can,” Cora said with a small smile, and a swift pat on the back. “We’ll show the Resistance exactly what we’re made of.”

   A weary gust blew from Ryder’s lips before her shoulders drooped and she nodded. “Thanks. I asked for this, can’t make a fuss just cause-- need to stay professional.”

   “No one wants to work with a former… you know, but it’s gonna happen sooner or later. Get it over with and keep going; anticipation’s always the worst part.” Peebee’s tone was nonchalant, but she shared a discreet eyebrow raise with Cora at Ryder's mere acknowledgement.

   “Besides like you said, it’ll be you and Jaal in charge for the next few days. Probably won’t have to run into him at all,” Cora agreed gently, careful to not even mention his name, which made Ryder groan and chuckle.

   “Yeah. Let’s just stay focused on the task at hand; proving to the angara that we can and should fight side by side. Besides it’ll be a nice change of pace; don’t get much opportunity to work together, the three of us,” Ryder added, shrugging her shoulders a few times to try and shake off the growing bubble of anxiety and dread in her stomach.

   Peebee was right, the anticipation was killing her, and she knew she couldn’t avoid Evfra forever. At some point they’d bump into each other, it was inevitable given their positions, but she couldn’t help wanting to put that moment off for as long as was humanly possible. Even the thought made her throat constrict. Too many feelings simmering in the deep, too many things she couldn’t and wouldn’t deal with.

   Peebee turned around as they descended and grinned at her companions. “Three biotics is a bit overkill, huh?”

   “Not exactly what I’d call balanced,” the Pathfinder smirked, quickly stepping out once the doors opened, looking around the clearing they’d landed in.

   “The Asari Commandos do pretty well for themselves,” Cora argued, stretching her arms idly as she looked around, giving Jaal a brief wave when she caught sight of the soldiers gathered off to their right.

   Ryder nodded as she checked her assault rifle, keeping pace with her companions distractedly. “True, and you never know what the future will bring.” She looked up quizzically when she noticed Jaal motioning towards her; lips pressed together. “Ready to go?”

   “Ryder, I’ve been trying to call--”

   “Hey, nice to meet you in person finally. Thanks for coming,” the Pathfinder smiled, quickly shaking hands with the Apex Strike Team; an asari biotic, a turian sniper and a human assault specialist. The soldiers greeted her with eager and interested smiles, and they fell into amiable chitchat when Jaal cleared his throat to try and get her attention again.

   “Pathfinder, you should know--”

   “Jaal, I was looking at the breakdown Kandros sent and regarding the exercises in the jungle--” Ryder’s voice rolled over the angaran’s thoughtlessly, desperately trying not to hyperventilate at being on Aya again, leaving his words unheeded.

   “Ryder--”

   “-- will you and I be running these with them? Or is there a separate area where we can get an overview of the action?” she asked distractedly, bringing up the report Kandros had sent, scrolling to a detailed map of the training grounds.

   “Whichever you prefer,” a gravelly voice answered from her rear, and the Pathfinder felt a bolt of static shoot straight up her spine to the ends of her hair, which began to crackle faintly. “There’s a lookout point available at the epicenter.”

   Ryder had imagined this moment more times than she’d admit to on the roller coaster to recovery. In some instances she was cold and stoic; a powerful ice queen who barely noticed his presence. Other times she was a firecracker, dishing out sarcastic quips and insults as she finger-snapped her way out of the awkwardness. In the best case, she’d smile and play clueless, as though nothing had happened and nothing was wrong.

   Instead the impulses to run screaming, break down sobbing, punch the angaran in the throat and pull him into a desperate and rage-filled kiss hit her all at once.

_… fuck._

   Ryder froze, feeling her head spinning like a top, and she stared at Jaal with the wide eyes of a deer caught in headlights. Her ears burned bright as she tried to give him a meaningful look, suddenly stripped of the ability to form words, or move… or breathe.

   Thankfully, the angaran was quick to pick up her panic and swiftly looked down at the tablet in his hands. “I thought it best to participate initially. We can move to the lookout point in the afternoon once they’re running the ambush and capture exercises,” he said smoothly, giving Evfra a deferential nod as the angaran finally came into view, positioning himself between them.

   It took a few seconds for Ryder to respond, suddenly distracted with the muscled arms crossed over a particular broad chest, and the intoxicating scent of fresh river water wafting to her nostrils. She caught herself taking in a slow and deep whiff, and her stomach alternately flip-flopped and and squeezed into a painful knot. So familiar, and so estranged.

 _Fuck_.

   She closed her eyes slowly and purposefully, scrambling to compose herself and avoid flailing like a chicken with her head cut off. “Evfra.” The greeting was clipped and strained, but it was almost calm. Almost.

   “Pathfinder,” he said with a quick tip of his chin, “So nice of you to grace us with your presence, finally.”

   “Kandros sends his regards; he wanted to be here himself,” she replied with gritted teeth, feeling her spine stiffen at the placid-toned sarcasm.

   The commander grunted softly, extending his left hand as a tablet was slid into his fingers. “Told Tan I wanted to speak with a combat specialist, not a diplomat. I wasn’t disappointed.”

   A smile tugged the corner of her mouth at hearing the almost-compliment for the turian. “Glad to hear it.”

   “Your Initiative may not be entirely useless after all,” Evfra said dryly, scrolling through a report, glancing up at the soldiers warming up: Heskaarl, Tempest crew and Apex soldiers exchanging uncertain but curious looks.

   Ryder scoffed in disbelief, and slammed the ammo clip into her rifle. “... seriously?” She groaned quietly and rolled her eyes, giving Evfra a shady side glance as she took a few steps away from him. “Come on.”

   If she’d stayed where she was she might have caught a dim twinkle in Evfra’s eye, but nothing else interrupted his velvety-timbred disdain. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

   “Are you gonna be here the whole time?” she snapped in annoyance, eyes shutting as she cursed herself out silently. The angaran had a way of getting under her skin at the best of times, but this was going to be… a different kind of challenging. _Be professional, Ryder. You’re the goddamned Pathfinder, get your shit together._

   “Not the whole time, but I’ll be checking in regularly,” Evfra replied easily, not batting an eyelash at Ryder’s tone. “In case you’ve forgotten, I’m the one who decides if this idea of yours holds any merit or not.”

   Ryder inhaled steadily, biting her tongue as hard as she could, her words glimmering with barely contained emotion. “How could I forget?”

   The angaran motioned curtly with his head towards Jaal, who nodded and cleared his throat, offering Ryder an apologetic look before he rounded the group up and began the Initiative’s indoctrination. Another sweeping stare from Evfra and the Resistance members around him disappeared out of earshot, and she found themselves alone as he continued to scroll through his tablet idly. “Easily it seems, given you’ve been ignoring my emails. Or am I expected to believe that SAM ‘lost them’?”

   She bristled as she tried to come up with an adequate response, but nothing clever came to mind. “I’ve been busy.”

   “Not too busy to answer Kandros.”

   “We work together.” Ryder couldn’t quite smudge all the defensiveness from her voice, but her shifty feet gave it away.

   Evfra took in a deep breath and let out what almost sounded like a bored sigh, but there was a curved edge underneath it. “You wanted us to work together, or so you said. Resistance and Initiative,” he added with an arched brow when she frowned and opened her mouth to argue. “I attempted to make arrangements with you directly, rather than go through your politician, given this was your idea from the start.”

   Her nose scrunched as she looked at their group, lips forming a thin line as she wrestled with a mixture of guilt and resentment. Evfra had emailed a couple times since she escaped Aya, but she had Sam archive them. She couldn’t ever bear to see his name, everything about him stung with humiliation and she’d been certain his messages were personal, not work-related. Showed what she knew; nice that he could so easily unblur the lines between them. If only it’d been as simple and mechanical for her.

   “Sorry.”

   “You should join them; Jaal will be taking them into the grounds and beginning the first round of exercises. I’ll return later in the afternoon to see how your Initiative has progressed with our regimen.” He gave her a curt nod before turning on his heel and heading for one of the parked shuttles, and she finally noticed the same female angaran she’d seen once before picking up step behind him. Who was she?

   Regardless, Ryder gave a long sigh of relief and hunched over once the shuttle took off before jogging to catch up with Jaal as he led the group into the jungle. With Evfra gone she could fight to regain her focus and composure; she could worry about the afternoon when it came.

   For now, she was there to learn.

 

   The afternoon came and went, but there was neither hide nor hair of the Commander, and the Pathfinder found herself hopeful that maybe he’d be too busy to show up at all. And thanks to Jaal’s stern but constructive guidance, she found her energy channeled into a series of obstacles and tactical relays, lifting her mood far better than anything else had. Nearly as good as a therapy session with Drack. Nearly.

   The sun was just beginning to dip lower in the sky when the angaran called it for the day, leaving everyone free to stretch their stiff muscles and continue intermingling. The angarans seemed surprised to see how open and receptive the Initiative were to learning their techniques, quickly adapting to the new rhythm that Jaal presented them with. For the Milky Way wanderers it was par for the course - acclimating to new cultures and methodologies was their normal. But given how chatty the Heskaarl members were, it was evident the Initiative was making further headway; it was encouraging.

   Ryder pulled off her helmet and ruffled her hair, falling into step with Jaal as they lingered behind everyone else. “You’re a good teacher.”

   “They were good students,” he said modestly, though his chest puffed up with pride. “I look forward to your lessons tomorrow.”

   “Not my lessons, they’re Kandros’,” she chuckled sheepishly, tucking the helmet under her arm as she squeezed the back of her neck. “Not exactly a combat specialist.”

   “No? As someone who’s fought with you several times, I would have to disagree,” Jaal smiled, tilting his head and looking at her warmly, before a pensive expression washed over his face. “Ryder…”

   “Hm?” she asked distractedly, pausing when he did and wondering why they’d let the group get so far ahead of them.

   “I apologize about your shock this morning, I had tried to--”

   Ryder shook her head and waved quickly. “Don’t worry about it, it’s fine.”

   “Is it? Because the look on your face--”

   “Nope. Totally fine.”

   Jaal’s brow furrowed and he stared at her silently for a few moments before picking up pace again slowly. “As you wish, I did not intend to make you uncomfortable.”

   “You didn’t… but you kind of are now,” she chuckled, bumping arms with him and giving him a small smile. “Honestly, I’m alright. It’s in the past, we’re gonna have to work together in some fashion. Was just a… you know. With you here, I didn’t think--”

   “I understand,” the angaran nodded sagely, his hands slowly sliding to fold behind his back. “I hope you know that if you ever want to talk… I would be happy to listen.”

   A surprised breath left her lips and she felt an odd twist in her belly, the soft tone his in words curling a little too comfortably in her mind. “I appreciate the offer, and no offense, but I think you're the last person I’d want to come to about… that kinda thing.”

   “Why? Are we not friends?” Jaal asked with a quizzical frown, stopping as they entered the clearing, watching their companions talking amongst themselves as they slowly loaded themselves onto the shuttles.

   “We are, it’s just… I mean it’s-- with what happened, and how it happened, and who-- and feelings…” Her words were clipped and disjointed as she motioned awkwardly between them. “It just… doesn’t seem like a good idea.”

   “My feelings for you make me less trustworthy? Wouldn’t they make me more trustworthy? I’m not sure I see the logic in that,” he reasoned, rubbing his chin thoughtfully, unaware of the way Ryder’s eyes widened and her cheeks instantly flushed a bright pink.

   “... what?”

   Jaal turned back to her, tilting his head and observing her silently, a small smile curving his mouth when they began to approach the last shuttle. “Ryder, I confessed my feelings to you. Do you not remember? Are human memories so short?”

   “No! It’s just… I mean, that was then. This is now. I thought you’d… you know, get over it already,” she said uncertainly, suddenly unable to make eye contact with the angaran, particularly with the way his smile widened.

   He motioned for her to enter the shuttle first, following after and resting his hands on his knees as he sat rather close beside her. “Do you remember what I told you before I departed that day?” His octave dropped, and she could feel the deeply tinged silk of his voice slither across her skin, spoken softly enough so that only she could hear.

   And in spite of herself, she could feel the topmost strands of her hair begin to lift. “Um… I uh…”

   “I meant what I said,” he replied, sighing contentedly and leaning back in his seat, and stared at the vibrantly colored sky. “Perhaps I was too foolish to hold on when I should have, but I am not so foolish to let you go if you are within my grasp.”

   Ryder winced and bit her lip, squirming in her seat as her stomach began a new acrobatics routine. Her salty quest to get the angaran’s attention felt like a lifetime ago, but with a gentle flick of his words, she was reminded that no, it hadn’t really been _that_ long. And she couldn’t help but feel the smallest bit of vindication, experiencing his buttery smoothness and for once knowing without a shadow of a doubt that it was meant for her. It was no accident, no simple crossed wires of ‘being a friendly angaran’.

   This was more than friendly.

   She exhaled loudly and slumped, nose wrinkled with mild confusion, unsure how to respond. There was no subtlety for her to dance around, nothing she could hide behind, and she wasn’t sure she even had a reason to. If she was honest with herself, she hadn’t dealt with what happened with Evfra. Maybe it'd been a short-lived fairy tale but goddamn if it hadn’t led her on one of the most intense and comforting rides of her life. It felt so _real_.

   But that was done and gone; she was the only one who’d believed in it. And here was Jaal, arms wide open, all but welcoming her to dive in. The man who made her heart go pitter-pat, blew stars into her eyes with a silent and meaningful look, had both her knees and her tongue turn into a useless blob of jelly. The reason she’d visited the Moshae to learn about the angara, the reason she’d wrecked herself on an Architect, the reason she’d been alone and drunk at the Tavetaan.

   Here he was. Catching her eyes and staring into them with quiet and unspoken intent and desire, her throat hitched as the complete and utter warmth of them washed over her; she barely heard the shuttle door open.

   Boldly, he took her hand in his and gave it a small squeeze. “Will you keep my words in the forefront of your mind?” he murmured, the left side of his mouth raising slightly when she sucked in a sharp breath at his touch. “I would be a balm to you, should you want it.”

   A whimper escaped her lips and she immediately cleared her throat before giving him a vague nod, inwardly sighing in relief when he smiled gently and let go of her hand, stepping out of the shuttle and pausing to wait for her.

   She shook her hands out discreetly and ran her fingers through her hair, quietly cursing as they continued to raise towards the sky. The sooner she got back to the Tempest, the sooner she could douse it with water and ignore the pot that the angaran was so expertly stirring.

   What the _fuck_ . What was she supposed to do with this? Wasn’t there a nice big rock somewhere that she could crawl under and just wait for the galaxy to sort itself out? She'd just been thrown off a goddamned roller coaster, she wasn't prepared to climb into another one, was she?

   And just as the thought formed itself, she walked out of the shuttle, and froze when she realized they weren’t alone on the landing pad. Her eyes widened as she saw Jaal standing in front of Evfra, engaged in a stony and silent stare-down with each other.

   Where was that rock? Around the corner? They seemed pretty occupied, she could just… dodge them and run to the Tempest, right? She opened her mouth uncertainly, but nothing came out, so she took slow and careful steps, like a child trying to go unnoticed, eyeing the pathway beyond them. But there was no way she was going to get away that easy, when an all-too-familiar-and-spine-tingling voice called out:

“... Pathfinder, I would speak with you.”

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A NEW CHAPTER. 
> 
> FINALLY. 
> 
> It's 2:15am, and I'm ready to pass out face down in my bed but it's here, it's posted, and we are right back on the feels train of 'Wtf is happening to Ryder and her romantic life choices". 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed, I've missed you all, you are awesome and... that's it. Imma pass out now LOL

**Author's Note:**

> (Please note: I am using my 'custom' Ryders, Jack and Jill)


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